


Under the Bridge

by SongsofPsyche



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: AU, Abusive Relationships, Aftermath, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Boys Kissing, Comfort/Angst, Deaf Character, Depression, Durincest, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fili looks like Dean, Fíli Angst, Golden Gate Bridge, Guitar, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kili looks like Aidan, Kissing, Lots of Angst, M/M, Past Abuse, Romance, San Francisco, Slash, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Thorin is a dick, Thorin looks like Richard, a huge fat slug dick, fili and kili are not related, musican
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 40,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongsofPsyche/pseuds/SongsofPsyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian Oakenshield is an aspiring musician in the heart of San Francisco, California. His life is turned upside down when he saves a blonde stranger with  blue eyes on the Golden Gate from a watery, cold death. Who is this stranger? Why did he want to jump? And why can't Kili stop thinking about him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains elements of suicide, depression, eating disorders and past abuse. Please read with care.

Killian Oakenshield shivered slightly as the mist from the ocean drifted across his face. He peered past the mist at the orange bridge before him and once again cursed himself for not being able to afford a car, or an apartment in the city. He lived in a houseboat with three other people in Marin and worked at a restaurant right in the heart of San Francisco.   The bike and the crappy living sitch were essential to him though, as every cent he made waiting tables went straight into his Demo Savings Box.

 

Kili was a musician, or at least he was trying to be one. It wasn’t that easy though as he was broke as dirt and he had no family to support him—or at least no family that was willing to support him. Kili’s father had fought hard to get him into Stanford, and Kili had repaid him by getting arrested the first week of the semester. He hadn’t been doing anything bad, mind you, he just got caught with a fake ID trying to get into a bar so he could listen to this band. Long story short, the school kicked him out and his father cut him off.

 

Kili right then and there decided to drop his father’s dreams of him being a lawyer and purse his own dream of becoming a world famous musician.

 

 

Bilbo Baggins was the owner of the restaurant that Kili worked at, and he was a true blessing for Kili. When he found out that Kili wanted to make and sell a demo, he didn’t belittle Kili with depressing facts about how few musicians actually make it. He insisted on enrolling Kili in the local community college so he could study the music business. They had struck a pretty sweet deal; Kili would work double shifts during the day and weekends, and would go to classes at night—which was a huge sacrifice on Bilbo’s part as dinner was the most popular meal for the restaurant.

 

So that’s where Kili found himself now, riding in the misty rain over an orange bridge with his apron tied around his waist because some jerk had stolen his basket and his guitar strapped to his backpack, along with his books and pencils for his night class. He squinted though the mist and the lights of the oncoming traffic. For some reason, pedestrians and bicycles weren’t allowed on the other side of the bride, the one that faced the ocean which meant that he was riding into oncoming traffic—both cars and pedestrians.

 

“At least you don’t have to pay the $7 bridge toll.” Kili murmured to himself as his eyes blinked away the ink spots that were created by some jerks high beams.

 

“5:45 is way to early for anyone decent to be awake,” he continued to mutter to himself as he pulled his beany down over his dark brown short cropped hair. Then suddenly, a flash of red caught his eye. Kili stopped dead in his tracks, he jumped off his bike and walked it over to the railing. He blinked a few times, did really just see what he thought he saw? Did he really just see someone in a red jacket hop over the railing? He looked around him; there were no other pedestrians, just grumpy commuters on their way to work in their cars. Cautiously, Kili peered over the railing and felt his heart sink at what he saw: a boy—man—maybe his age, maybe a few years older was standing underneath the railing. One hand was linked to the bars as he leaned forward and stared down at the dark waters. His blonde wavy hair was being pushed and pulled from his ponytail and despite the heavy jacket Kili could see that the man was shaking. Kili wondered vaguely what this man was doing, and several ideas popped into his head; he was a photographer, a bridge architect, a water scientist, he was doing yoga, he was doing par-core, he was meditating, he was sleepwalking.

 

And then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

 

This man was going to jump.

 

And Kili was the only one there to stop him.

 

Kili bounced on the balls of his feet. Feeling panic fill his chest.

 

“Hey! Hey you!” he shouted

 

The man didn’t respond.

 

“Hey!! HEY!!” Kili shouted even louder, and this time he banged his hand on the metal railing.

 

The man looked up at him, and Kili had to force himself not to flinch at the shattered soul that started back at him with deep blue eyes. Their eyes met, and Kili saw pain, and sadness but he also saw fear and helplessness.

 

“You don’t want to do this.” Kili said

 

The man shook his head.

 

“Please. Don’t do this.” Kili said

 

The man just stared at him.

 

Kili stared back.

 

Then Kili did something that was both very brave and stupidly idiotic; he climbed up over the railing and joined the man standing on the platform.

 

Kili felt his heart pounding as he tried not to think about how one small mistake could lead to him falling hundreds of feet below and dying a terribly cold and watery death. Instead, he focused on the blonde in front of him.

 

The blonde man was staring at him. One hand was till on the railing bar, and he was no longer leaning out to look at the water.

Kili took a step forward, and in turn, the blonde took a step backwards, shying away from him.

 

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” Kili said, taking another step.

 

The blonde stepped backwards again, and Kili saw that his hands were shaking.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you. I want to help you. Please.” Kili said, and he extended an arm towards the man.

 

The blonde flinched away from him and shook his head. Kili saw tears starting to form and fall onto his cheeks. The man shook his head again, and then he sunk down against the wall, pulling his feet into his chest and grabbing his long hair with his hands.

 

Kili took another step forward, somewhat relieved that this man was not in the jumping position anymore. Curling up against the wall and going fetal seemed easier to deal with than just about to jump at any second. At least, to Kili it seemed easier. He had no idea if he was helping or making it worse.

 

Kili quickly took out his phone and dialed 911—something he should have done the moment he saw the jumper. As he spoke with the operator, he watched the blonde shake and shiver in the cold. He seemed to be less preoccupied with jumping the closer Kili got to him. Kili inched forward, and when he was about a foot away from the man, he too sank down to the ground and sat.

 

Kili hung up with the operator—officers should arrive within 15 minutes—and stared out into the mist. Sitting down was a lot less scary than standing up. He could no longer see the dark water beneath him and he found that somewhat comforting.

 

Kili scooted a few inches closer to the man, and gently touched his shoulder. The blonde flinched away from him like he had been burned and sent Kili a fiery glare.

 

“It’s okay. Sorry, no touching. Okay. I understand. You will be okay. It’s gonna be okay.” Kili said

 

The blonde stared at him with a blank look.

 

“Can you understand me?” Kili asked

 

Another stare, this time followed by a small shake of his head.

 

“You don’t understand?”

 

Another shake.

 

“Uhhh, habla espanol?” Kili asked

 

Another shake.

 

“I only know English, and that was just about all the Spanish I know.”

 

Another shake, and this time followed by the blonde tapping his ears and shaking his head. Kili then realized that this man couldn’t hear; he was deaf.

 

Kili didn’t know any sign language—expect for how to say fuck you, which definitely wouldn’t help him in this situation at all.

 

He slowly turned over his bag and reached for his notebook, hoping the blonde could read English. He took out a sharpie and wrote, “It’s going to be okay” and showed it to him.

 

The man read it, and gave him such an incredulous look that Kili almost laughed. Kili shook his head, and wrote:

 

“Sorry. That was dumb. We can talk. Let’s get off this bridge.”

 

He showed the blonde, who just shook his head. He looked out over the water and Kili saw his face crumble with emotion. Kili felt his chest buzz with panic. Where were the police?

 

“Please, don’t cry. Let me help you.” Kili said out loud, once again scooting forward towards the man, who once again leaned away from him.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Kili said

 

Then he took the sharpie and wrote, “I wont hurt you. Let me help you. Please.”

 

The blonde shook his head.

Kili sighed. This wasn’t going anywhere. He had already texted Bilbo about what was happening, so he didn’t have any pressure to speed things up expect the fact that they were both freezing.

 

Kili wrote, “Please don’t do this. Let me help you. You don’t have to do this.”

 

The blonde then motioned for the notebook and pen. Kili gave it to him hoping beyond hope that he was finally getting through to him.

 

With a shaking hand, the man wrote: “Yes I do. There’s no escape.”

 

He showed it to Kili and Kili felt his eyes well up.

 

“There is always a way out.” Kili said, talking slow enough so the man could understand him. Movement from above caught his eye, and he looked up. There were policemen and firefighters looking down at them, watching silently as one of them adjust a belt and caribiner. The one of the officers motioned for Kili to keep talking to the blonde, to keep him preoccupied so he wouldn’t panic when the fireman pulled him up back over the railing. Kili nodded his head.

 

He motioned for the notebook, and the blonde gave it to him.

 

Kili wrote, “There is always hope.”

 

He gave the notebook back, and watched as the blonde read it. He looked up at him and shook his head, tears falling from his eyes.

 

Kili saw the fireman being lowered over the railing out of the corner of his eye.

 

“This is always hope.” He repeated, taping his lips so the blonde would see that he was talking. The blonde clutched the notebook with shaking hands, and was about to write something else when the fireman grabbed his shoulders. He let out a yell of surprise, but the fireman was stronger than he was and within a matter of seconds was able to pull him up and over the railing, onto the floor of the bridge.

 

Kili stood up with shaky legs and accepted the hand up from one of the other officers who were on the scene. Silently he watched the blonde as he struggled against the paramedics, his cries sounding more like an animal than a man as they strapped him down in a gurney with strong restraints.

 

Their eyes met one last time before the ambulance doors shut, and then he was gone.

 

One of the officers patted his shoulder, “you did the right thing.” He said and Kili could tell he was just as shook up as he was.

 

Kili then realized that he didn’t even get the blonde’s name before they took him away, and that this man with blue eyes and blonde hair still had his notebook.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili tries to forget the blonde, but it's hard to when the press won't stop asking him questions.

“So tell me again, then what happened after you sat down.” Ori’s young face was so eager and hopeful that Kili couldn’t even feel annoyed that this was the millionth time Ori had asked him about the blonde jumper.

 

They were on their break at the restaurant, smoking vapes in the back alley and chatting—like the usually did at 11:30am every morning. It had been two weeks since Kili had saved the blonde man on the bridge.

 

Two weeks of absolute chaos.

 

There was always a lot of press coverage, when someone was saved from jumping. Since the bridge was constructed in the 1930s, over one thousand men and women have jumped to their death off the Golden Gate Bridge. The press didn’t cover most stories—suicide was not good for image keeping—but rare success stories of people being rescued from suicide were. Heavily.

 

People needed to a story that gave them hope that there were still good people in this world

 

The articles mostly cast Kili in a good light, and Kili was happy to answer reporter’s questions and comments. He had been deemed a hero, and for the first time in a very long time, Kili felt good with himself.   Even though he was now commuting to work via the Ferry that went from Sausalito to Pier 39. It was horrendous; the ferry took him to the Pier, and then a bus took him as far as the ferry building. Then he walked two blocks and took the Embaracdero Bart to the Civic Center, where he walked the five blocks to the restaurant. It was a hassle, but Kili couldn’t bring himself to go over the bridge anymore, even though it cut almost an hour off of his daily commute to the restaurant and back.

 

The press had also put the restaurant he worked at, Baggins Diner in the spotlight. Business was booming, and Bilbo couldn’t be happier with him. He even offered to offset Kili’s commuting expense as he knew the commute was expensive. Bilbo even framed the article they wrote about Kili being a hero and hung it by the cash register. Kili was grateful for this, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel sad, because while he was here feeling like a hero, somewhere the blonde man was sitting in a darkened hospital room berating himself for not jumping sooner (or at least, that’s what Kili thought. He honestly had no idea what happened to someone after they were rescued from suicide). A little part of him had hoped that the press coverage—which gave his name and where he worked—would prompt the blonde to seek him out but it had been almost two weeks since the incident and Kili hadn’t heard a word from him. He didn’t even know his name! The look that the blonde gave him, after they had strapped him into the gurney and stuck him in the ambulance haunted his dreams almost every night though.

 

“And how was his hair? Was it blowing in the wind? I’m a sucker for blonde hair.” Ori asked, pulling Kili out of his thoughts.

 

“I---Ori! I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention that much I think….I think it must have been in a bun but it was so windy I really couldn’t tell. It was a nice though, I’ve always had a soft spot for buns ” Kili answered, slightly bemused by his coworker’s question.

 

To be honest though, Kili _had_ thought this stranger was quite handsome and if the circumstances had been different he would have flirted with him. Just a little bit. Sometimes he had daydreams where he and the blonde had met on the bridge, as pedestrians; the blonde would be taking pictures of Alcatraz, or sketching the city skyline, and Kili would somehow manage to fall off of his bicycle right as he passed by him. The blonde would smile and help him up, and as they gazed into each other’s eyes for the first time they would fall madly in love with each other, and live happily ever after.

 

Kili had always known who he was, and had accepted himself for it. The fact that he liked men wasn’t exactly a secret at the restaurant. One of the perks of living in San Francisco was that the LGBT community was quite large, and also quite accepting of new comers. Bilbo’s cousin Dwalin, who worked at the restaurant as their accountant had just gotten married to the love of his life; a handsome fellow named Balin. Kili had started working there a week after the wedding, but he had heard so much about it, it was like he had attended. Kili hadn’t met any one yet, since moving to the city. Sometimes after work he and Ori would hit the clubs, and he flirted quite a lot but since he lived on a boat with four other people and hour and a half away, it was hard to bring men home with him.

 

“Oh my god. You like this guy, don’t you?” Ori asked, blowing smoke in his face and grinning like a wild man.

 

Kili shrugged.

 

“I don’t know, Ori. It’s complicated; he was about to jump, to end his own life. He wasn’t just sad, it was like….i don’t know….. Besides, I don’t even know his name, let alone where he lives.” He answered, looking up at his friend.

 

“I’m sure he’s grateful for what you did. You were very brave, Kili.” Ori added, patting him on the shoulder.

 

“I could never get myself to even go on that bridge. It gives me the heebie jeebies.” Ori added, shaking his head.

 

Ori was a San Francisco native. He had grown up with stories of people jumping from that bridge, had seen countless documentaries about it, and had read about it in the papers. To him, the Golden Gate was both a blessing and a curse to the city; more suicides were happening each year. He truly hoped that one day the city would build a suicide net.

 

Kili had grown up in Wyoming, on his father’s farm. He had never seen San Francisco, let alone the Golden Gate Bridge before he had moved out to the Bay Area to go to Stanford. At first he had been amazed by it’s serene a beauty but after what happened though, the bridge no longer filled him with wonder and content. Now, it was a symbol of hopelessness, a place where people went to die.

 

But it was also where he met the man with the blonde hair, and Kili could not get him out of his head.

 

Kili sighed, “Yeah. I hope he is. You knowI have no idea who he is, or how’s he doing now.”

 

Ori patted his shoulder again, “I know how you feel. I’m sure he’s just fine. Come on, let’s get back inside before Bilbo catches us with these things.” He said, quickly putting the vape back into his pocket. Bilbo—bless his heart---was a kind soul, but he absolutely hated vapers, he said that they were unnatural and that if you were going to smoke you might as well go all the way with it. He had a small stash of Brandybuck’s Finest Medical Pipeweed hidden in the cash box and was known as a very generous man.

 

Ori rushed a head of Kili, grabbing his apron off the shelf and straightening his hair in the mirror. He turned and smiled at Kili.

 

“Right. Off into the shark infested waters. Let’s hope they tip well today.” He said, and with a salute he excited out the swinging doors and into the heart of the restaurant.

 

Kili quickly paused to adjust his hair in the mirror—no matter how much he cut and styled it, it never seemed to sit straight nor was he able to control the frizz. He put on his black apron, straightened his collar and then quickly checked the charts—Ori had a photographic memory, but Kili was always forgetting which tables he was supposed to serve. He quickly read—tables 1,4 and 9—and then followed his coworker’s footsteps out the swinging doors.

 

A hand suddenly reached out and clutched his arm with a vicelike grip, stopping him in his tracks.

 

“Ori….what are you doing?” Kili asked, surprised. He looked at Ori’s face, who had gone pale but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.

 

Kili followed Ori’s gaze to table five and felt his mouth drop open; there, sitting in the chair was a man with blonde hair pulled into a messy bun. Even though his face was obstructed by the menu he was studying, Kili recognized him at once.

 

Kili nodded his head and answered Ori’s silent question.

 

“Yes, that’s him.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Kili stared at table five, where the blonde sat and studied the menu. He felt his heart flutter with nerves and anticipation. He had come? The Blonde was here? In the restaurant? How? Why? Should he go over to him? Did he see him? What should he say?

 

Ori gave him a small shove, “I’ll cover your tables for you. Go. Talk to him.”

 

“But Ori----.”

 

“Go! You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

 

Ori gave him another small push and reluctantly Kili walked forward towards the blonde. He couldn’t help but notice how the blonde’s hair stuck out in it’s messy bun, or how the blonde’s dark green jacket complimented the golden tones in his hair.

 

The blonde looked up from the menu when Kili approach and gave him a shy smile, not quite looking him in the eye.

 

“Hi” Kili said, and he gave him a small wave.

 

The blonde nodded and then motioned with his hand to the chair across from him. His gestures were small and timid, and Kili did not miss the slight shake in the blonde’s fingers as he motioned for Kili to sit with him.

 

Kili sat down, and looked at the blonde. He wanted to make sure he gave him time to speak without feeling any pressure.

 

The blonde motioned for him to hold on for a moment, and then reached into his bag and pulled out Kili’s notebook. It was crumbled and disheveled beyond repair, but Kili was still glad to see it.

 

He smiled and nodded, “Thank you.”

 

The blonde motioned for him to hold on, and then he pulled out a notepad, and a new notebook. On the notepad, he had written a message:

 

“I’m sorry I ruined your notebook, I know it’s not much but I’d thought I’d replace it for you.”

 

Kili read it as the blonde slid both notebooks across the table to him. He bit his lip, looking nervous and Kili couldn’t help but notice that his hands were once again shaking. Kili saw that the blonde still had hospital bracelets attached to both wrists.

 

Kili nodded his head, and then motioned for the notepad and pen. The blonde handed both over to him.

 

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” Kili paused, and then wrote on the line underneath;

 

“I’m so glad to see you.”

 

He handed it back over to the blonde, who read it and nodded. Then the blonde wrote:

 

“I also wanted to thank you for helping me.”

 

He handed it over to Kili, who took it and nodded.

 

“You’re welcome, I’m glad you are okay.” Kili said out

loud and then instantly berated himself for forgetting that the blonde was deaf. He motioned for the notepad and wrote:

 

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re okay.”

 

He paused for a moment, and then wrote;

 

“What’s your name? I’m Kilian Oakenshield---Kili.”

 

He slid the notepad over, and watched the blonde read it. He saw only a ghost of a smile before it faded, and the blonde started writing. When he was done, he past over the pad to Kili.

 

Kili read;

 

“I haven’t been deaf for too long—six months maybe---I was in an accident. Thank you for being accommodating.

 

My name is Phillip Durin, but everyone calls me Fili.”

 

Kili stared at the notepad. Durin? As in Thorin Durin-- the hottest tech guru in Silicon Valley? Thorin’s company, Erebor Tech had created the social networking site Crow Space—almost everyone in the city had a profile with them. Kili had no idea that Thorin had a son.

 

Phillip—Fili—must have noticed Kili’s awe for he turned bright red and nodded his head. He pointed to himself with his thumb, as if to say _Yup, that’s me. I’m Thorin Durin’s son._

Kili tried not to stare as a billion questions ran through his head: What caused him to loose his hearing? Was that why he wanted to end his life? Did Thorin know? Why wasn’t this covered in the press? Surely people would have recognized him?

 

He felt like answering any of these questions though would be too overwhelming for Fili, so instead he wrote:

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Fili. I am so glad you stopped by. How did you find me?”

 

Kili slide the notepad back, hoping that the answer wasn’t “I saw your picture in the paper”. As much as Kili had enjoyed being called a hero, he didn’t want Fili to think that he has used the incident on the bridge to gain fame.

 

Fili read the note, nodded his head and then motioned for the notebook—the one Kili had used to speak with him on the bridge. He flipped the notebook to the inside of the front cover and pointed to a sentence written in bold black sharpie:

 

“Property of Bilbo Baggins.”

 

And then below to another sentence that read:

 

“Don’t even think about stealing this notebook. This means you, KILI.”

 

And then to another sentence that had the address of the restaurant on it.

 

Kili felt himself blush. He was always stealing Bilbo’s notebooks—the man was an avid writer and had notebooks laying around everywhere. Kili mostly needed them for class, but he also used them for songwriting. This particular notebook was for his Music Business 101 class, but he rarely took notes. Instead he spent his time doodling and writing down lyrics in the margins.

 

Fili tapped on second sentence, and for this first time since Kili met him he smiled.

 

Kili laughed, and then motioned for the notepad.

 

“Bilbo gets defensive about his notebooks, but he has like a million of them laying all over the floor upstairs. He’s a bit of a hoarder. I didn’t think he would miss one or two…or five.”

 

Fili read, smiled and shook his head. He seemed more comfortable now than before, his hands weren’t shaking anymore. A gust of wind blew through the restaurant from the opened door and it flipped the crumpled notebook pages, and Kili saw the scribbled blue sharpie messages from the day of the bridge.

 

Fili reached out, stopping the pages from being blown and he traced the line Kili had written _there is always hope_ with his finger. Kili knew that Fili hadn’t just come here to return his notebook, he had come to talk—write—about what happened on the bridge. Or atleast, he wanted to but he wasn’t sure how.

 

Kili reached for the notepad, but then he realized he had no idea what to say. He had never done this before, and he was sure that anything he said next _I’m glad you didn’t jump, I was worried about you, why would you want to end your life? Everything is going to turn out okay, just hang in there etc_ either sounded condescending or cliché.

 

So instead he wrote, “I’ve been thinking about you these past few weeks. Are you doing better?”

 

Fili read the message, and then shook his head. He reached for the notepad and wrote;

 

“Things have been crazy at home, my father doesn’t understand what I did or why I did it.”

 

He paused, and then wrote:

 

“I was invisible, and you were the first person to see me in months. My mother used to tell me the same thing, to never give up hope, before she died. Thank you, for seeing me and for helping me.”

 

Kili read, and nodded his head. He could tell this was hard for Fili to write about. He took the pen and wrote:

 

“I’m here for you, you can always talk to me.”

 

Fili read it and nodded. Kili was surprised to see that his eyes were glassy. He suddenly felt like their meeting was not going well. He didn’t want to make Fili upset, he wanted to make him feel better.

 

Tentatively, Kili reached forward slowly and put his hand on top of Fili’s.

 

Fili looked up at him, and Kili smiled slightly.

 

“There is always hope.” He said out loud.

 

Fili smiled and nodded his head. He tapped his lips, and then wrote with his free hand;

 

“I think I’m getting better at reading lips.”

 

Kili smiled, then----

 

“So, what can I get for you two lovebirds? Some Mimosas? Bloody Mary’s? Or coffee? Or hot chocolate? Or cake? We have excellent cake!” Ori’s voice made Kili jump, and he let go on Fili’s hand.

 

“Ori! You scared me.” He said, sending the younger man a death glare.

 

“Oh no. You were having a moment and I ruined it, didn’t I?” Ori asked, pouting.

 

“We’ll start with some waters.” Kili said, giving Ori his best “we’ll talk about it late” look.

 

He turned back to Fili, and was surprised to see that the blonde was packing up his things. Fili paused, and then wrote on the notepad;

 

“I have to go. My father expects me home before 4:30.”

 

Kili checked his watch, it was quarter to 4:00. He looked up at Fili and nodded.

 

“Okay.” He said, feeling disappointed that Fili had to leave so soon.

 

“Wait—“ he held up his hand and then wrote on the notepad:

 

“I’d like to see you again. Can I have a number? Or an email?”

 

Fili looked at the message and smiled, then took the pen and wrote:

 

[phillipjdurin17@crowspace.com](mailto:phillipjdurin17@crowspace.com)

 

He tore the page off and handed it to Kili.

 

Kili nodded, and gave Fili a smile.

 

“Thanks. And thanks for the notebook, and thank you for coming in. It was good to see you.”

 

Fili gave him a blank look, and shook his head—indicating that he didn’t understand.

 

“Oh. Sorry. I forgot.” Kili said quickly, and he wrote what he said down on the notepad.

 

Fili read it and nodded, and then motioned towards the door where a black car was waiting for him. He stood up and rearranged his bag over his shoulder.

 

He gave Kili a small wave, and Kili returned it. Then without thinking he reached over to give the blonde a hug.

 

He could feel Fili flinch, and go stiff under his arms, but Fili returned the hug and then quickly stepped away from him.

 

He gave one final wave of goodbye, and then hurried out of the shop right as Ori came back with their waters.

 

Kili watched him go, feeling sad that he had to leave.

 

“Aww he left already? I was just getting to know him.”

 

Kili nodded, “He’ll be back. I know he will. Hey, can I borrow your computer to send an email?”

 

“Sure…I guess. Did he give you---ahhh he gave you his email? Oh my god that is so great. Here, go email him right now. I’ll finish things up here for you.” Ori said, jumping up and down excitedly.

 

Kili couldn’t help but smile at Ori’s enthusiasm.

 

“Thanks Ori.”

 

And then he walked towards the back of the shop, the piece of paper Fili gave him in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a though--I like to draw, but I am not good at drawing people. Would anyone like to help me illustrate this story? It would be so great to be able to visualize modern Fili and Kili. Let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

Kili and Ori were sitting in Bilbo’s office drinking coffee and eating some stolen French fries from the restaurant below.

 

Ori picked up on the of thousands of notebooks laying around, opening it up and laugh.

 

“What?” Kili asked

 

“This means you, Kili……how does he always know?”

 

“Sometimes I think he’s a wizard.” Kili answered, rolling his eyes. He turned his attention back towards Ori’s Macbook Air, which was sitting on the desk. Kili had just opened skype and was preparing to talk to Fili. They had exchanged skype IDs over email, since it was easier to instant message than trade emails back and forth.

 

“So, he can only be on the computer for like, an hour a day?” Ori asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

 

“Yeah. I guess so. His father seems to be pretty strict.” Kili answered

 

“I never would have thought Thorin Durin would be a strict father. He’s always so easy going when he’s on TV.” Ori commented.

 

“I know, right?” Kili answered, and then he felt his heart leap as he saw PhillipJDurin pop online.

 

“Oh my god he’s online. He’s online!” Kili shouted, standing up and pointed.

 

“Well, duh. He said he would be online at 3:30, and it’s…..3:31. He’s a minute late. Tut tut.” Orli answered, laughing.

 

“Should I text first or wait for him?” Kili asked

 

“Just say hello. Stop being such a wimp.”

 

“I cant….you do it.”

 

“No you doofus-----.”

 

They were both cut off by a bleep.

 

PhillipJDurin: Hello Kili.

 

Kili smiled, and then typed back a reply:

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Hi Fili! How’s it going?

PhillipJDurin: I’m fine. How are you?

 

“Is he always so formal?” Ori asked over Kili’s shoulder.

 

Kili shrugged, “I guess so, he wrote like this yesterday too. I dunno maybe that’s just how he writes.” Kili answered.

 

Then he wrote:

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I’d like to see you again

 

PhillipJDurin: Me too.

 

“Oh my god. Ori. He wants to see me too. Wait……do you think he likes me?” Kili asked, looking at his friend.

 

Ori smiled, “You’re a charmer, Killian Oakenshield. Anyone would want you.”

 

“I’m gonna ask him out.”

 

“Good luck.”

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Would you like to do something together?

 

PhillipJDurin: That would be great.

 

Kili felt his heart pounding. Fili really wanted to see him again. He wanted to see him!

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Can you meet me tonight?

 

PhillipJDurin: I need to check with my father. Hold on, I’ll be right back.

 

“What’s he saying?” Ori asked

 

“He says he needs to check with his father.”

 

“Oh”

 

Then they both waited. Finally, after 15 minutes or so, Kili heard another beep.

 

PhillipJDurin: I can meet tonight at 6:00, but I have to be home by 10:30. Is that okay?

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: That’s great! What should we do tonight?

 

PhillipJDurin: We can go to the movies, if you’d like.

 

“Wait….he says he wants to go to the movies.” Kili asked, looking up at Ori.

 

“What about his hearing? Wouldn’t that be weird?” Ori asked

 

“H e was the one that suggested it.”

 

“Ask him if it’s okay. It’s always better to be honest and ask about these things instead of not and making it awkward.” Ori answered.

 

Kili nodded his head, and wrote:

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: You sure, what about hearing it?

 

PhillipJDurin: My father’s never understood why I still watch them, but I think the best movies are the ones where you can understand them without sound. It’s all about the visual.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: So you like movies?

 

PhillipJDurin: I did…I mean, I still do. I wanted to major in film studies, but my father wouldn’t let me.

 

“What’s he saying now?”

 

Kili felt breath on his neck.

 

“Orlando Brown, if you don’t leave me alone this very instant I will…..I will tell Bilbo you were the one who’s been stealing his notebooks!” Kili shouted, and then he playfully threw a pen at Ori.

 

And then another one.

 

“Fine. Fine. I’ll let you two lovebirds be. Come fine me when you’re done.” Ori huffed, and then he exited the room and headed downstairs.

 

Kili turned back to the keyboard.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: What are you studying now?

PhillipJDurin: Nothing. I was going to the University of SF before the accident, but then I had to drop out.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: What were you studying there?

 

PhillipJDurin: Education, I figured I could always teach film studies to students.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Are you going to go back?

 

PhillipJDurin: I don’t know.

What movie do you want to see?

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Let’s see….there’s a theater close to the restaurant that’s playing classics tonight, but there’s also a Century 12 about 15 mins away.

 

PhillipJDurin: Either is okay with me. What classics are showing?

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Let’s see…. the Wizard of Oz and Singin’ in the Rain.

PhillipJDurin: Both are on my top ten J

I haven’t seen Wizard of Oz in a while.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Let’s see that one! It starts at 7:10.

 

PhillipJDurin: Great!

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I’ll meet you here at the restaurant, maybe around 7:00 and we can walk over?

 

PhillipJDurin: Sounds good to me. I’ll see you then.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I am looking forward to it.

 

PhillipJDurin: Me too. Hey, I gotta go, but I will see you tonight.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Ok, I’ll see you tonight.

 

PhillipJDurin: Bye.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: See ya.

 

Then PhillipJDurin went offline. Kili stared at the greyed out name. Why was Fili’s father so strict? With the exception of the incident on the bridge, Fili seemed like a pretty stand up guy; he was well dressed, and thoroughly educated. There seemed no reason for such harsh parental restrictions. But then again, Kili hardly know the Durin family and he had no idea what was going on behind closed doors. Thorin Durin always seemed like such a cool, laid back guy whenever he was in the paper or on TV. But then again, Kili had no idea that Thorin Durin had a son until he met Fili. He wondered why they had kept it so quiet.

 

Kili was about to do a google search when he heard Bilbo calling for him to get ready for the early dinner shift. Quickly, Kili logged off of skype and stood up.

 

He smiled as he rushed downstairs to help Bilbo, and he knew that he had an exciting night ahead of him.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Isn’t that Fili’s car? He’s a little early, isn’t he?” Ori asked, looking through the window.

Kili check his watch, it was only 6:30.

 

“Yeah. We were supposed to meet at seven” Kili answered, and he walked over to wear Ori was standing and he looked outside.

 

Like the day before, Fili arrived in a black sudan that pulled up in front of the restaurant. He was wearing black jeans, and olive green button up shirt and a brown coat. He also had a brown knitted scarf around his neck—it was always chilly in San Fran. His hair was still in a bun, slightly less messy than before. A few curly strands fell, framing his face nicely. Kili watched through the window and tried to contain his excitement, but then his heart sank as he saw that Fili was not alone. Another man, a tall dark hair man with striking features also stepped out of the car. He was wearing a black suit, with a white button up shirt. He had short-cropped hair and a sharp, angular face, and he seemed a bit stiff. He motioned for Fili to lead the way into the restaurant, and they both started walking.

 

“Is that who I think it is?” Bilbo asked, coming up to stand next to Kili.

 

Kili nodded his head, “Yup. Yup. That’s Thorin Durin.”

 

“Oh my. First celebrity appearance this week! I guess he wanted to meet you?”

 

“Maybe, I don’t know----.”

 

Kili was interrupted by the restaurant door opening, and both Fili and Thorin Durin walked inside.

 

Bilbo greeted them warmly, walking up and shaking hands with both. Kili noticed that his hand lingered extra long on Thorin’s.

 

“Welcome! Welcome to my restaurant! I am Bilbo Baggins, owner and executive chef. It’s really wonderful to see you, Mr. Durin. Come, come have a seat. I get us water and coffee and cake! We have excellent----.”

 

“Just water will be fine. Mr. Baggins. I won’t be here long. I just wanted to get a chance to know the man who saved my son.”

 

Thorin said, speaking in a deep baritone voice.

 

Bilbo in turn, turned a bright shade of red.

 

“Yes. Yes of course. Here he is. This is Kilian—Kili. Let’s all go sit here.”

 

He motioned for them to sit down at a table.         

 

Kili extended his hand and smiled, hoping that he looked okay. He was wearing dark blue jeans, a stripped black shirt, and a black jacket.

 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Mr. Durin.” Kili said, extended his hand.

 

Thorin took it briefly, and then let go.

 

“Sit, sit everyone. This is my associate Ori. Welcome, welcome!”

 

Bilbo said, in an attempt to break the tense silence.

 

The five of them sat down. Kili noticed that Thorin was in no way trying to keep Fili in the loop of the conversation—he just kind of stood there, trying to follow. Kili wanted to go up to him, but he was slightly scared of Thorin.

 

So they sat.

 

“So Kili, what do you do for a living?” Thorin asked, as Bilbo brought over waters.

 

“Well….I’m a waiter right now, but I want to be a musician. I’m also----.” Kili started.

 

“A musician? Isn’t that a hard field to break into?” Thorin interrupted.

 

“Yeah but-----.”

 

“And it doesn’t exactly pay the bills, does it?” Thorin asked

 

“I don’t know. I’m also studying----.”

 

“What university do you go to?” Thorin interrupted, again.

 

“Golden Gate College.”

 

“Isn’t that a community college?”

 

“It is, but—.”

 

“Do you plan to transfer?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Hmmmm.” Thorin mumbled, and then picked up his glass of water. Kili could feel himself panicking. This was not going well for them.

 

There was an awkward pause where they all took a long sip of water at the same time.

 

Then Thorin stood up.

 

“Kilian. Can I speak to you in private, please.” He said.

 

Then he started walking away from the table. Kili exchanged a worried glance with Bilbo before following the dark haired man.

 

Thorin was waiting for him in the wine cellar that connected to the main part of the restaurant. Kili noticed that despite his stern features, he also looked quite sad.

 

He waited until Kili was standing next to him, and then in a whispered voice he started speaking:

 

“First, I want to thank you for what you did for Phillip, and I appreciate your efforts to be friends with him but, I also wanted to disclose something to you before you start---do----anything; Fili had a friend----ah----- partner----- before the accident and-----well….to make a matters short, there was violence and we had to get a restraining order against him. Fili is very fragile right now--- I just don’t-----I want you to be careful. He cannot get hurt again. Understand?”

 

 

Kili nodded his head, “I understand.”

“I don’t think you do. Can you imagine what it was like for me to get a call while I was in the middle of a press conference from the hospital saying that my son had tried to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge? That I had to leave said press conference and fly all the way home to find my son in the hospital in the isolation ward, with restraints on his wrists and ankles like some _criminal_. I want to make it clear to you that this cannot happen again, under no circumstances. I already lost his mother, I cannot loose him too.”

 

Kili nodded his head again, “I understand, _sir._ Look, we’re just going to the movies---.”

 

“Swear to me that you won’t hurt him?”

 

“What? Of course I wont hurt him. He’s my friend. I----.”

 

“Good. I just wanted to make that clear, Kilian.”

 

Despite the ferocity radiating from his eyes, Kili could tell Thorin was uncomfortable being around him, and that he also seemed a little lost. Like he had no idea what he was doing.

 

He looked over at Fili, who was siting at the table and exchanging notes with Ori. Fili was smiling, but Kili also saw a tremble in his hands as he wrote. What had happened to him? Who was this partner that was violent?

 

Thorin---Mr. Durin---gave Kili a forced smile.

 

“The car will meet you here at 10:30. Do not be late.”

 

Kili nodded his head, “We wont, sir.”

 

“Good.”

 

Then Thorin started walking back towards the table. Kili lingered behind, suddenly feeling shy of the Durin family. Thorin was a little intense, but he would try to not let it affect his friendship with Fili. To be honest, he was a little upset that Thorin had told him. Shouldn’t it be up to Fili? What if Fili didn’t want him to know? Was Thorin only telling him this because he thought Fili couldn’t?

 

He watched as Thorin waved his hand dramatically in front of Fili’s face and said very slowly, “ I. am. Going. Now. Have Fun. See. You. At. 10:30.”

 

Fili in turn just nodded his head.

 

Thorin gave an awkward bow wave to Bilbo and Ori, and then walked out of the restaurant and got back into the black sudan.

 

Kili walked over to Fili, who was writing something on his notepad. He passed it over to Kili.

 

It read:

 

“I’m sorry about my father. He can be a little intense sometimes.”

 

Kili responded:

 

‘”Don’t worry about it. My father is like that too. He means well though.”

 

Fili read the note, and then nodded his head.

 

Kili smiled, “You ready?”

 

Another nod.

 

“Alright. Let’s go.”

 

Kili motioned towards the door, and open it for Fili.

 

Fili nodded thanks, and they both walked towards the theater, excited and nervous for the evening to come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this chapter last night after waaaayyyyyy to many shots of whiskey, and this morning I found some amusing typos that I'd like to share:
> 
> Thorin was waiting for him in the wine cellar that connected to the main part of the restaurant. Kili noticed that despite his stern features, he also looked quite sasquatch.
> 
> He was wearing a black suit, with a white button up shirt. He had short cropped hair and a shark face, and he seemed a bit stiff. 
> 
> Kili could feel himself pickles. This was not going well for them.
> 
> DO NOT WRITE AND DRINK!!!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

They were slightly early for the 7:10pm showing of Wizard of Oz, so they took their time meandering down the street.

 

Fili pulled out his notepad, and wrote while he walked.

 

He passed it over to Kili, and Kili rread:

 

_“What did my father say to you? You looked stressed when you both came back out to us.”_

 

Kili look up at Fili, and wondered if he should tell him. And then he realized that he ever wanted this relationship to move forward, he was going to have to be genuine and honest.

 

Kili wrote:

 

_“He wanted to thank me for what happened on the bridge and then he warned me that you have been hurt before, and made me promise that I wouldn’t hurt you.”_

 

Fili read, and the stopped in his tracks. Quick he scribbled:

 

_“He told you about Ryan?”_

 

Kili shook his head, sensing panic rising from the blonde. He wrote on the pad:

 

_“No no. He didn’t tell me any details—not even a name. He just warned me, that’s all. He didn’t scare me though, I’m not going anywhere.”_

 

Fili read it and looked up at him, and Kili saw the now familiar shake in his hands.

 

Then he wrote:

 

_“You don’t have to tell me anything until you are ready to.”_

 

Fili nodded his head, and made the hand motion for OK. He then gestured for them to keep walking.

 

Kili bought the tickets for them, and lead the way inside. The theater was an old art deco building that had been converted into a theater during the 1970’s. There was a concession stand selling wine, beer and popcorn. It was crowded with people, but not overwhelming. The two of the walked by the stand and into the darkened theater, Fili wobbled a little in the darkness and Kili steadied him with his hand. After a moment, Fili nodded his head and kept walking.

 

They found their seats in the middle row. It was too dark to pass notes, so they waited in silence for the movie to start.

 

Kili’s mind was spinning; Fili had a partner that they had to get a restraining order against. What had happened? Was that why Fili wanted to jump? When had it happened? And what was this accident that they kept talking about? He wanted to ask Fili, but he also didn’t want to scare him away. He finally decided that if Fili wanted to talk to him about it, he would listen and be there for him.

 

The theater darkened, and Kili felt the thrill he always felt when he was about the watch a movie at the theater. As the movie started, Kili couldn’t help but catch glances of Fili as he watched the movie. Kili noticed that Fili had these tendrils of curls that fell from his messy bun that framed his face, concealing part of it in the darkness. Kili didn’t know which was more fascinated: watching the movie or watching Fili.

 

As Dorothy started singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, Kili heard a distinctive sniff. He looked over and saw that there were tears rolling down Fili’s face. He ducked his head, trying to conceal them with his hair. Slowly, Kili took his hand and put it on top of Fili’s hand, which was on the arm rest. He squeezed it gently and was surprised when Fili squeezed back.

 

They sat hand in hand for the rest of the movie, and Kili couldn’t stop smiling.

 

And also worrying.

 

If Fili had been in a bad relationship before, he would probably want to take things slow. He had been in an accident that had caused his to loose his hearing. Things had somehow gotten so out of control for him that he had thought there was no way out. What happened? And then there was his father. Kili had never been so scared of another man in his life. Even when his own father was kicking him out of the house, he wasn’t that scared. Kili honestly had no idea what to do, all he knew was that he wanted whatever this was between them to keep going. He knew Fili had his demons—they all did---but he also knew that demons could be conquered.

 

When the movie was over, Fili continued to hold Kili’s hand as they walked outside the movie theater into the brisk city night.

 

“Did you like it?” he asked, looking at Fili.

 

Fili nodded his head, and gave a shy smile.

 

“Are you hungry?”

 

He motioned for the notepad _, “Sure! Do we have time?”_

 

Kili nodded his head and wrote _“About an hour. You know, you can speak to me, I won’t mind how your voice sounds.”_

 

Fili looked up at him, and shook his head shyly.

 

 

_“ That’s okay. I know a good place that’s not too far—Bard’s Diner. Do you want to go?”_

 

Fili read and nodded.

 

Kili smiled, “Great!

 

The restaurant was a buffet style diner that had booths with just about every cuisine imaginable—Italian, Chinese, Greek, pizza, soup and a huge ice cream bar.

 

After Kili paid and got them their plates, he took out the notepad again.

 

_“I usually go straight for the ice cream booth.”_

 

Fili smiled, and then motioned for him to lead the way.

 

After they had gotten their ice cream and had sat down, Kili pulled out a notebook. Before the date, he and Ori had talked a long time about how he was going to chat with Fili without making his feel uncomfortable. They both knew that he hadn’t been deaf for too long, so reading lips didn’t always work. So they decided just to go with old-fashioned note writing. It seemed to be Fili’s preference of communicating.

 

Kili wrote on the notepad, and then passed it over to Fili.

 

**What was your favorite subject in school?**

Fili read it, raised his eyes and smiled as if to say _we’re really doing this?_

Kili nodded, and then motioned with his hand for him to write his answer.

_English. I was the only kid in my class who was excited to read the To Kill a Mockingbird. What about you, what was your favorite subject?_

 

**Music class. In Wisconsin we had this great band teacher. He taught me almost everything I know.**

_What instruments do you play?_

 

**Piano and guitar. That’s why I’m here in the city, actually. I’m saving up enough money to make my own demo.**

_How long have you been playing?_

**I started piano lessons when I was five years old. Guitar when I was seven. I haven’t been able to put them down since. What about you?**

_I used to play the violin, before the accident. What’s your favorite book?_

 

**Don’t judge, but I love Game of Thrones.**

_I started reading the first one a few weeks ago. No spoilers!_

**I promise I wont say anything until you finish the first book. Who do you like best so far?**

_So far I like Dany the best. She totally has to adapt to this completely foreign culture, and instead of melting into the background she takes a stand and becomes a true Khaleesi._

_I wish I could be more like her._

 

**To be unmeltable?**

****

_She follows her heart, even when those around her are telling her she’s wrong._

 

**She’s a pretty good character to want to be like---wait until the later books and then tell me what you think.**

_I’ll let you know. So, where do you live? Above the restaurant with Bilbo?_

 

**I wish I did, but it’s just a studio up there and Bilbo gets a little defensive about his space. I live in a houseboat at the Marin Marina.**

Like Ann Lamott?

 

**Who?**

_She’s a writer. She lived in a houseboat for some time in Marin. I think she has since moved though. She wrote Bird by Bird and Operating Instructions._

 

**I’ll have to check her out, that’s so cool. Where do you live?**

_I used to live in the dorms at USF but after the accident I moved in with my father. He has a house in Palo Alto, but I prefer the one that’s here in the Garden District._

Kili nodded. Thorin Durin was listed as one of the most wealthy people under thirty in Times Magazine. The Garden District was a fancy, upscale neighborhood near Golden Gate Park

 

Underneath, Fili had added;

 

_He’s not home a lot of the time._

Kili looked up and nodded his head, and then he wrote:

**Hey, can I ask you something—you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.**

_Okay._

 

 

**Who is Ryan?**

_That’s a complicated question._

 

 

**You don’t have to answer.**

There was a long pause, and Kili could tell Fili was mulling things over in his head, until finally he wrote down four words that made Kili’s heart sink:

_He would hurt me._

 

Kili looked up from the paper and reached to grab Fili’s hand. The blonde let him, but Kili did not miss the unintentional flinch when their skin made contact. Then Kili let go and he wrote:

**I’m so sorry that happened to you. He had no right to hurt you.**

_I know._

**But you’re safe now.**

Fili stared at the paper, then he wrote

_It’s part of the reason I wanted to jump._

There was a pause, as Fili flipped the notebook around and wrote another sentence.

 

_I’m glad I didn’t, because then I would never have met you._

Kili smiled, “I’m glad too.”

 

Fili nodded.

 

By then, they had finished their ice cream and were one of the last few people in the restaurant.

 

Then Kili had an idea, he wrote;

 

**I have something to show you at the restaurant. Want to head back?**

Fili nodded his head, and they booth stood up. Fili reached out and tentaivly touched Kili’s shoulder and smiled.

 

Kili returned the smile, and then they both started heading back towards Bilbo’s restaurant.


	7. Chapter 7

Kili opened up the doors to the restaurant—Bilbo had gone out with and Ori. He smiled shyly at Fili as he led him through the restaurant to the back dining room where Bilbo’s prized possession sat—his grand piano. Kili let out a little laugh as he saw that someone—probably Ori—had left out wine glasses and a bottle of Merlot, he even uncorked it for them (Kili had an irrational fear of corks).

 

Kili walked over to the piano and bottle, and then pointed to the wine.

 

“Would you like some?” he asked, pointing with his hands.

 

Fili walked over, writing on the notepad. He passed it over and Kili read:

 

_I’ve never had it before._

Kili looked up at him. He never had wine before? What? Fili must have noticed his confusion, for he wrote another sentence and showed it to Kili:

 

_My father never let me have any, he was strict even before the accident. I wasn’t even allowed to celebrate my 21 st birthday._

Kili read it, and nodded his head, then he wrote

 

_We’ll have to celebrate then. Would you like to try?_

Fili looked up at him shyly and nodded his head. Kili smiled, and then poured them both glasses of the merlot. He held up his glass for a toast;

 

“To a perfect night.” He said and then he took a sip. He watched as Fili sipped his first glass of wine, and then nodded his approval.

 

“You like it?” Kili asked

 

Fili nodded again and smiled.

 

Kili then pointed to the piano bench. He stepped over to it and pulled it out, motioning for Fili to sit next to him. He put his wine glass aside and put his fingers on the keys. He played a few notes, and then paused as Fili sat down next to him.

 

Kili wrote, _this is why I work here. Bilbo let’s me play before we open and after we close._

 

 

Fili read the note, nodded his head and put his hand up on the piano, and Kili realized that he could feel the vibrations of the music.

 

“Watch.” Kili said, and then he played the opening notes to one of his latest songs. He watched as Fili watched his hands move across the keyboard.

 

Fili lifted his hand, and then wrote on the pad:

 

_I can feel the vibrations, it’s beautiful._

Kili smiled at him, “I can show you how.”

 

Fili shook his head, and pointed to his ears.

 

“I know, but watch.” Kili said, and he played the chords again, this time emphasizing his left hand.

 

“Now you try.” Kili said, and he took Fili’s hand to put it on the keys, but he felt him flinch away from him.

 

“It’s okay. Hey, it’s okay.” Kili said, and this time he showed Fili the notes to play, one by one on the keys. Fili watched their hands with an intense concentration.

 

“Now let’s play.” Kili said, and he went to play chords with his other hands. He made sure to tap his food against the piano, to Fili could feel the vibrations. They played the song together, and when it was over, they stared at each other.

 

Kili looked into Fili’s eyes and for once did not see a broken brittle man, instead he saw something defrosting; a warmness that wasted there before. He realized then that he was the first person in months to look at Fili, to really notice him, and he was the one that had given Fili hope.

 

Fili smiled at him and scooted closer and closer in his seat until they were inches apart from each other. Kili realized that this was their moment; this was their time for their first kiss. Kili leaned forward and he brushed his lips lightly across Fili’s.

 

Fili’s head jerked back suddenly, and Kili winced as Fili flinched away from him and stood up.

 

 

“Fili?” Kili asked, and he winced as he saw his friend’s hands shaking as he backed away from him. Kili instantly berated himself for acting so rashly; didn’t Fili _just_ tell him that he had been in an abusive relationship? Didn’t he realize that something as simple as a kiss could trigger a reaction?

 

Fili was writing on the notepad, when he was done he passed it over to Kili and sat back down on the end of the bench.

 

_I’m sorry, Kili. I’m sorry_

Kili could feel Fili’s whole body tremble. He quickly wrote back;

 

_You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m sorry I acted without thinking. I’m not going to hurt you, Fili._

Fili read, and nodded his head.

 

_I know. I trust you. I’m sorry._

**We’ll just take it slow. How does that sound?**

Fili looked up at Kili and nodded his head, and then slowly his took his hand and placed it on top of Kili’s.

 

Kili could still feel him shaking, so he took his other hand and put it on top of Fili’s. They looked up and smiled at each other.

 

Suddenly, they saw lights flash through the restaurant. Kili checked his watch and saw that it was 10:29.

 

Fili pointed to the front of the restaurant and nodded his head.

 

Kili stood up first, and they made their way to the front. When they reached the doors, Fili stopped and wrote on the notepad:

 

_Thank you for an amazing night. I hope we will see each other again soon._

**Thank you for joining me. I really had fun.**

They looked up and smiled at each other, and then Fili opened up his arms and gave Kili a tentative hug. Kili returned the hug and felt his heart fill with joy.

 

The black sudan outside honked harshly, causing Kili to jump, which in turn made Fili jump. Kili pointed to the car outside with his finger, Fili sighed softly then pulled out of the hug and put his hand on the door. He smiled and waved at Kili before opening it and walking towards the car.

 

Kili watched as he got inside and drove away, wishing that their date hadn’t ended so soon.


	8. Chapter 8

Kili stared impatiently at Ori’s laptop and glared at the Skype logo. Fili hadn’t come online and it had not bleeped once since their date.

 

“Did it really go that badly?” Ori asked, walking over to Kili. He was on his break from the brunch rush.

 

“I haven’t heard from him since then. The date was on Sunday, and now it’s Wednesday. Isn’t there a rule or something after the first date? Don’t we have to contact each other?”

 

“You mean the three day rule? That’s for when you give someone your number, not for after the first date.” Ori said

 

“Oh.”

 

“And besides, I don’t think those rules are set in stone. They are more like guidelines. Maybe he hasn’t dated a lot, or maybe his insanely hot father is forbidding him from getting on the computer. Who knows?”

 

Kili raised his eyebrows, “Insanely hot?”

 

“Those are Bilbo’s words. Not mine!” Ori laughed

 

“Thorin Durin does seem a little strict.”

 

“A little? He came with him on his first date. Don’t take it too seriously though, if I had a kid and he had been in a car accident then wanted to go on a date with a stranger he met on a bridge I would want to check it out too.” Ori said

 

“I didn’t just meet him there, I saved him from jumping. You’d think he’s be more grateful instead of all _don’t you dare hurt my son.”_ Kili replied as he once again rebooted Skype. Maybe his was frozen?

 

“Maybe he just doesn’t know how to handle it. Take it with a grain of salt, Kili and just enjoy being with Fili. Did you have fun, at least?” Ori asked, sitting down next to him.

 

Kili nodded, “Yeah, we did. He held my hand at the theater and then we walked back to the restaurant so I could show him the piano.”

 

“Classic move for Kili, go on.”

 

“Well, I showed him the piano and everything was going well but then I tried to kiss him and he freaked out.”

 

“Oh boy. I wasn’t expecting that.”

 

“I know, me either. I thought he would be okay because we held hands earlier but I guess I went too fast. And now he hasn’t emailed me, or IM’d me at all. I’m starting to get nervous.” Kili said

 

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Kili. He’ll come to you when he’s ready. You just have to be patient.” Ori said, patting Kili on the shoulder.

 

Kili nodded, “I guess. I just hope I didn’t ruin it.”

 

“You didn’t ruin it. I was talking to him while you were being lectured by Hot Thorin and he seemed genuinely excited for the evening.”

 

“Really? What did he say?” Kili asked, curious.

 

“Aww I wish I kept the paper, but it was in his notepad. It was pretty general. He asked how long I’ve known you, and if I liked living in the city. He seemed a little nervous though, his hands kept shaking.”

 

“Oh”

 

“But maybe they weren’t shaking from nerves, maybe he has low blood sugar. I didn’t know if you noticed---and I didn’t want to say anything---but he is really thin. Did you guys eat after the movie?” Ori asked

 

Kili nodded. They had eaten, or at least, he had eaten. Now that he though about it, Fili had barely touched his food when they went to Bards. It was hard to tell how thin he was from what he was wearing that night, since he had so many layers on.

 

“Not too much, now that I think about it. Is it something to be worried about?” Kili asked

 

“Not necessarily. Maybe he’s just picky. Maybe he just has a naturally thin frame. Just something to be aware of, in the back of your mind.” Ori answered

 

 

Kili nodded again, he was feeling more disheartened by the moment. He honestly had no idea how he had acted. Sure, it seemed normal to him, but Fili was not normal; he had just been in an accident, he was deaf, he had been suicidal, had been in an abusive relationship. What was normal behavior to Kili might potentially be triggering for Fili. What if eating the food after the movie was stressful for him? What if the whole thing was just too much for Fili and he never spoke to him again?

 

“Do you think the food was too much? Did I act too quickly? What if I scared him? Or made him nervous? Ori, I don’t know what to do.”

 

“You’re doing fine. Trust me. Just take it slow, and be honest with him. If you’re feeling nervous, tell him. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Just take things slow, okay?”

 

“ Okay. Well, my shift starts in 10 minutes. Hopefully he’ll IM me.” He said, shooting the computer a glare, like it was it’s fault that Fili had IMed him yet. Kili sighed, Ori’s computer was the only way he had access to skype, so he could only IM him while he was at the restaurant. Kili had a phone, but it was an emergencies only phone and was older than he was. Bilbo gave it to him so he could keep in contact with him. At least it could text. Kind of.

 

A lump formed in Kili’s throat as he walked downstairs to start his shift. Fili hadn’t IMed him. He hadn’t said a word to him. In Kili’s mind he kept going over every minute of their date, and berating himself for asking him about Ryan and then trying to kiss him. Kili had no idea how to act around Fili and it was freaking him out.

 

The minute Kili’s shift ended he raced upstairs to check Skype and his email. There were no messages from Skype, but –to his relief—Fili had sent him an email with the subject line: Hope to see you soon.

 

Kili smiled, and he opened the email and read:

 

_Dear Kili,_

_Thank you so much for everything you did last night. It was the first time in months that I actually had fun. I apologize for the way I acted at the end, it wasn’t that I didn’t like the kiss it was just unexpected. I try to keep the past in the past, but sometimes it comes up in odd places. I wish I could talk to you, hear your voice and hear you play the piano._

_I also would like to apologize for my lack of communication and also try to explain the situation I am in to you. You see, my father has always been strict about everything--including using the computer-- even before the incident on the bridge. Not that I am complaining—it is what is it—I think he’s scared of loosing me, like he lost my mom. So for right now, email is the best way_

_I would like to do something with you again, this time not in the company of my father. Maybe go to a museum? I’ve read that the Exploratorium is interesting, but I’ve never been there. What do you think?_

_Please let me know. I can’t get on skype tonight, but I might be able to tomorrow evening—around 7:15ish._

_Thanks, and I hope to hear from you soon._

_Fili_

Kili read the email over twice, and felt his chest burst with happiness. Fili wanted to see him again! Him! Again! And he liked the kiss! Kili felt like singing and dancing for joy.

 

“Ori!! Ori!! He sent me an email!!” Kili shouted through the hallway. He heard Ori come running up the stairs.

 

“See? I told you he would! He really likes you Kili, and not just because you can plan a good date. You saved his life, and he really appreciates it.” Ori said, coming over to him and sitting down.

 

“I was writing notes with him.” He clarified.

 

“Yeah, while I was speaking with Thorin.”

 

“What did Thorin say to you?” Ori asked

 

Kili winced at the memory, “He thanked me for what I did on the bridge but then he gave me a big speech about how fragile Fili is right now and that if I hurt him in anyway Thorin would come kill me.”

 

“Really?”

 

Kili sighed, “He’s very protective of Fili. But, what I don’t understand is that if he’s so protective how come he missed the signs that Fili was in pain. I mean, if you were hurting and in pain I would know, you know?”

 

“Yeah, cause I see you everyday, but sometimes the signs of depression aren’t as evident. Maybe Thorin traveled a lot? Or maybe Fili was just really good at hiding it. From the little he’s given us, we know that he lost his hearing after the accident, that’s a really tough life change. Maybe he didn’t know how to handle it? Or Maybe Thorin didn’t know how to help him. We really don’t know anything about his situation at home.”

 

“I kind feel like I am in uncharted waters here. Do you think I could ask him about it? Or is it something he doesn’t want to talk about?” Kili asked

 

“I don’t know. He must be having so many complicated emotions and feelings right now. You just have to be patient with him. ” Ori answered

 

Kili nodded his head, and smiled at his friend.

 

“What would I do without you, Ori?”

 

Ori blushed, “Oh shush. Are you going to reply to his email?

 

Kili nodded, and then started typing:

_Hi Fili,_

_I had so much fun with you last night and I would love to see you again._

_Please don’t worry about it, I know parrots can be difficult. Your family has been through a lot, it may take time for things to settle down into normalcy. Let me know if you need anything, you can always email me._

_The Exploratorium sounds great. I haven’t been there yet—since they moved onto the embarcadero—but I have heard that it’s super cool. It’s a bit of a walk from the restaurant though, want to meet at the Ferry Building? We can grab a bite to eat and then walk over to the museum. When would you like to meet? I have class tonight, but I am free tomorrow and Friday. Let me know which one works for you._

_I’ll talk to you soon,_

_Kili_

Kili showed the email to Ori, who read it over and then he laughed and pointed to the screen.

 

“Difficult Parrots?” he asked, and then made a squawking noise.

 

“Right, I meant Parents.” Kili said, quickly changing his mistake.

 

“What would you do without me?” Ori asked, giving him a nudge.

 

He quickly read it over one more time and gave Kili the okay to send it.

 

“I hope he responds. In the meanwhile, I should probably do some research on the Exploratorium.” Kili said

 

“Will I ever get my computer back?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Kili smiled at his friend, “Just ten more minutes and then I’ll come down. Okay?”

 

“Okay, I’m timing you thought!” Ori laughed, and then he headed back down the stairs.

 

Kili smiled, and then started researching things to do on their date.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay no attention to my google search history, I am a writer not psychopath.....


	9. Chapter 9

That evening, after his Music Business class, Kili stayed afterward in the library to finally do a little big of research.

 

The first thing he brought up was Phillip J Durin, and was surprised when there only three results. The first was an article dating back five years, briefly stating that Thorin Durin’s son Phillip J Durin had graduated from Sacred Heart high school and was continuing his education at University of San Francisco. There was a picture of Fili in his graduation cap, and as Kili studied it, he realized what Ori had meant. The graduate in the picture had an athletic build, with a full face and even through his graduation gown Kili could see his well defined muscles. His hair was cropped short and his eyes were bright and warm. Kili couldn’t help but look at this man and wondered how it all could have gone so wrong? Of course, Kili knew some things; the accident, Ryan, and the deafness The Fili he knew was so different; he was shy and bone thin. He looked nothing like the Fili Kili was staring at in the photo.

 

The second was another brief article from _People Magazine_ stating that Thorin and his wife Dee were getting a divorce, and that Thorin had already moved out of their home in San Francisco and bought a house in Palo Alto.

 

The last article was the most relevant to what Kili was looking for. It reported the accident that killed Fili’s mother. Kili read:

 

“Last night at 2:45am, Dee Durin and her son Phillip were driving in their car and were hit by the drunk driving going into oncoming traffic. The driver also hit a truck that was carrying large quantities of explosive material. Phillip Durin survived the accident and is in the ICU. Dee Durin was killed on impact.”

 

And that was it. There was no CrowSpace profile for Fili, or any mention of his partner Ryan. Or his deafness. Or his recent attempt to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Just the graduation article, the divorce article and the car accident and that was it.

 

Kili sighed and closed the page, then he pull up a new tab and search “Exploratorium”. He wanted to view the exhibit ahead of time, maybe him knowing what they were would help him avoid triggering a panic attack. He smiled to himself, as he looked at all the exhibits; it was a hands on museum, where you did experiments at each station to discovery something. It encourages teambuilding, and a strong sense of curiosity. Perfect for a second date.

888

 

Kili stood in front of the Ferry Building, it was a bright sunny Saturday afternoon and the building was crowded with people. Kili checked his watched for the third time in five minutes, it read 12:44. He had spoken with Fili the night before on IM, and they had agreed to meet at the Ferry Building on Saturday at 12:30pm. Kili had even given Fili his cell number so they could text—as much as Kili could text on an old Nokia phone.

 

Kili knew Fili always strived to be on time, he was always online when he said would and the last time he met with he, he had been early.

 

Suddenly, Kili’s cell buzzed, making him jump. He was even more surprised when he saw that it was Fili calling him.

 

“Hello?” he said

 

“Hi. Hi. Is this Kili?” a female voice said

 

“Yes, this is Kili.”

 

“Oh thank god. Hi. Hi I’m Tauri, Fili’s writing tutor. I was supposed to drop him off to meet you today, but….. but Fili passed out and we had to bring him to the ER. I’m sorry, I think he might have to reschedule the date.”

 

“Oh no. Is he okay? He passed out? What happened?” Kili asked, worry filling his chest.

 

“We just about done with our lesson and he stood up to stretch, then he got this weird look on his face and the next thing I knew he was on the ground because he had fainted. I was so scared and I didn’t know what to do, so I called for help and then called 911. I knew he was excited about your date, I’m sorry this happened.” Tauri said all of this very, very fast.

 

“And you’re his writing tutor?”

 

“Yes. Yes, sorry I’m Tauri.”

 

“Tauri? That sounds so familiar. Do you go to Golden Gate College?”

 

“Yeah, I’m taking a class there now. Music Business.”

 

“Oh you know, I think we’re in the same class.” Kili said

 

“Really? It’s so big. Anyway, I have really long red hair if that helps.”

 

Kili thought back in his mind, and was surprised to see that he did know Tauri. She sat infront of him, and she _did_ have really long red hair.

 

“I totally remember you. I sit behind you.” He said

 

“Oh, I know you. So you’re the Kili, Fili wont stop talking about or uh…writing about. He’s a great guy, you’re lucky. Anyway, I thought I would call you and tell you they are taking him to Kaiser on 5th street.”

 

“Okay, thanks so much Tauri.”

 

“No problem at all. I’ll see you in class?” she asked

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Okay, bye.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Kili hung up, feeling panic fill his chest. Fili was at Kaiser on 5th street, which was way across town. He sighed, and then he lifted his hand up to hail a taxi.


	10. Chapter 10

As hospitals always were, the emergency room was borderline chaotic, but it didn’t take Kili too long to find them—one of the advantages of being Thorin Durin’s son. Room 403 was bustling with commotion when Kili arrived. It seemed like Fili had suddenly woken up, and he was scared and confused.

 

“Phillip, Phillip you are going to have to calm down. You are in the hospital, you fainted in your house. It’s okay…it’s okay calm—No! Someone grab him!!” A nurse was shouting as the door flew open and Fili ran out, face full of panic. Their eyes met, and Fili stepped towards him but then he was pushed to the ground by the orderlies. Fili struggled against them, and as Kili watched he was given a strange sense of devaju. Hadn’t this happened before? Flashes of the day on the bridge came in his mind, and he realized that Fili had the same expression of fear and panic that he had on the bridge.

 

Kili watched helplessly as they picked Fili up and brought him back into the room, as Fili continued to struggle against them. Kili watched as they strapped him down to the bed. Fili winced, his long blonde hair falling over his face.

 

“You need to calm down. We will let you go once you have calmed down.” The nurse was saying, and Kili realized that in all the commotion, she did not realize that Fili was deaf.

 

Kili walked into the room, and locked eyes with Fili. The nurses stared at him.

 

“Excuse me, sir. You can’t be in here right now.”

 

“I need to talk to you.” Kili said

 

“Who are you?”

 

“A friend of Fili—Phillip’s. Please.”

The nurse sighed, and then she walked out of the room. Kili saw from her badge that her name was Laura.

 

“Okay, you can talk.”

 

“He’s having a panic attack, he needs to calm down---.”

 

“I know he’s having a panic attack.”

 

“He’s deaf. He can’t hear you. Please, let me try.”

 

She gave him a look, and Kili could tell she was almost as panicky as Fili was. She nodded her head and then motioned for him to go into the room.

 

Kili walked over to Fili—who was still fighting for breath on the bed. He pulled out his notebook and wrote;

 

“Hey Fili. It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you here.”

 

Fili paused as he read it, and then he shook his head and pulled at the restraints.

 

Kili looked over his shoulder and saw that the nurses had cleared out of the room, but were hovering outside. One of them was holding an IV stand and tubing. He knew they needed to get their work done, and for them to do that Fili needed to be calm.

 

Kili quickly wrote;

 

“Breath, Fili. You have to breath in and out.”

 

He then took Fili’s hand, undid the restraint and put it up to his chest. He breathed deeply in and out so Fili could feel the rise and fall of his chest while he breathed.

 

“Just breath, It’s okay. You will be okay.” He said.

 

Fili’s whole body was shaking, but he managed a few breathes.

 

“Good, that’s so good. Fili. Keep breathing. In and out, in and out.” Kili continued.

 

Fili nodded his head and continued to breath. Kili smiled. He knew that Fili couldn’t understand what he was saying, but he could feel the vibrations from his voice.

 

“There you go. You’re doing great. Just keep breathing.”

 

Fili looked up at him, and their eyes met. He gave him a small smile before leaning into him. Kili put his free hand on his shoulder.

 

“It must have been so scary for you, to wake up and not know where you are or who you are with. I would have panicked too.” He said, mainly for the benefit of the nurses that were still lingering outside the doorway.

 

After a few moments Fili pulled away and resettled himself on the bed. Kili reached over and unbuckled the strap on his other wrist.

 

“You don’t need this anymore. You’re okay. You’re calm.” He said

 

He then pulled out the notebook and wrote:

 

“They need to come in an administer the IV. Are you okay with them doing that?”

 

Fili read, and then nodded his head. He clutched Kili’s sweater sleeve with his hand and Kili grabbed a hold of it as the nurses holding the equipment came inside.

 

“It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.” Kili said.

 

The nurses let him stay on the bed while they administered the IV. Fili winced at the needle but was for the most part okay.

 

Laura patted Kili on the back and gave him a small smile.

 

“You were great. Thanks for helping us out, and please let me know if you need anything. The doctor will be in shortly.” She told him, and then she left the room.

 

Once they were alone, Kili looked at Fili and smiled. He reached over and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind his ear.

 

Fili smiled shyly at him, and then he motioned for the notepad. He wrote:

 

“I’m sorry I ruined our date.”

 

Kili read it and shook his head, he wrote;

 

“You didn’t ruin anything. I’m just glad you’re okay. Do you remember what happened?”

 

Fili read, and then shook his head. He wrote:

 

“Last thing I remember was I was in a writing lesson with Tauri. She was going to drive me to the Ferry Building after our lesson. And I don’t have a good track record with hospitals, so when I woke up I panicked. Thank you for helping me.”

 

Kili nodded, then wrote:

 

“I’m glad I was able to come. Tauri called me and told me what happened.”

 

Fili nodded, and then he yawned. Kili smiled, and wrote:

 

“Why don’t you get some rest before the doctor comes in?”

 

Fili nodded, and then settled back down onto the bed. His hands briefly traced the IV and he watched the drip of the bag for a moment. Kili resettled himself into a chair next to the bed and took Fili’s hand in his.

 

Fili gave him a smile, and closed his eyes. Within minutes he was asleep.

 

888

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a short one. Fourth of July celebrations have cut into my writing time (my cats are FREAKING OUT, they hate fireworks!!). More should be up soon.
> 
> I went to the bathroom and came back to find that my husband had added this to the end of my chapter:
> 
> What is life? That is the question that leo zhang postulated in his memoirs the diary of a pink potato bug. The semi flaccid potato bug paused many a time to think about what really mattered to him. Pie! Pi! 3.14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	11. Chapter 11

“My son has been in the hospital almost all day and nobody had thought to contact me until now? Do you know how stressful it was for me to come home to find no one was there? What happened this time?”

 

Thorin Durin’s low baritone voice drifted into the room, waking Kili from his nap. He had somehow dosed off a few minutes after Fili had, with his head on the hospital bed. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. How long had it been?

 

Kili listened as the Doctor explained to Thorin in a whole bunch of medical jargon that basically said that Fili hadn’t been eating enough and had passed out because of low levels of everything. Kili he felt his heart sink as he realized that Ori’s suspicions had been true and then berated himself for not doing more to help.

 

He looked over and saw that Fili was awake, and that he was looking reproachfully at a tray that held cottage cheese, some jello and a cheesy looking pasta.

 

Fili looked up at Kili and gave him a smile, then looked down at the food and shook his head in disgust.

 

Kili looked at the tray, it didn’t look appetizing to him either. He had no idea what to do though. Should he encourage Fili to eat? Or agree with him? But before he was able to say anything at all, Thorin and the doctor walked into the room. Thorin stopped cold when he saw Kili.

 

“Hello Killian.” He said, but his tone said _You again. What are you doing here?_

“Hello Mr. Durin. Fili’s tutor called----.”

 

“What happened this time? Not another bridge, I hope.” Thorin interrupted. Once again, he made no effort to engage with Fili, or help him follow their conversation.

 

Kili’s eyes narrowed, “Of course not. He passed out at his house. I heard about it from his tutor Tauri and came to see how he was doing.” He answered, not liking Thorin’s tone or how he oh so casually mentioned the incident on the bridge.

 

Thorin turned away from Kili and back to the doctor.

 

“When can I take him home?”

 

“I’d like to observe him for atleast one more night, his---.”

 

“One night? That’s too long. I want him discharged today.” Thorin said, his phone bleeped and he pulled it out and looked at it.

 

The doctor, despite her authority, seemed to shrink in comparison with Thorin. She straightened up her shoulders and stood tall.

 

“Mr. Durin, I know you want to get home but I cannot allow Phillip to go until we have finished some tests. It’s hospital procedure.”

 

Thorin looked up at her, “what tests?”

 

“A CBC, electrolyte count and---

 

“He doesn’t need those. He’s fine. He needs to come home.”

 

“I’m aware, but ---.”

 

“Are you aware that I make a generous donations to this hospitals cancer research every year?” Thorin threatened, standing to his full height.

 

“Yes, I am aware Mr. Durin but do to the----.”

 

“Then it would be wise for you to release my son to me. Today.” He said firmly, looking her directly in the eye.

 

The doctor sighed, and then she nodded her head.

 

“I’ll start processing the discharge papers. Makes sure he eats.” She said, pointing to Fili and the tray of food. Then she left the room.

 

Now it was just Fili, Kili and Thorin.

 

Thorin looked over to Kili, “Kilian, you may go now. I’ve got this under control. Fili has seen the insides of enough hospitals in his life. It’s time to go home.”

 

“What? But--.”

 

“I think it would wise for you to keep your distance from Fili.”

 

Thorin’s gaze was cold and icy, and even Kili knew that that look meant trouble if he disobeyed. He nodded his head.

 

“Okay.” Kili said, feeling he had already lost the battle. He packed up his back, and gave a tentative wave to Fili, who waved back. Then he left the hospital room.

 

888

 

Kili didn’t see or hear anything from Fili for three days after that. He had no idea how he was doing, or what was happening. The memory of Thorin kicking him out of that hospital room and him leaving Fili alone made him so angry that every time he broke whatever he was holding when he thought of it. Thorin didn’t even want to listen to the part where he had calmed Fili down, or how he had taken a cab all the over to the hospital. He just asked him to leave. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. Especially to Fili, who he felt like wasn’t getting the help that he needed. Or maybe he was? Maybe Thorin had his own line of private doctors that Kili had no idea about. That was the frustrating part: no one was keeping him in the loop. He had no idea what was going on!

 

Ori found Kili pacing back and forth in the office. His eyes took in several broken pencils and ripped pieces of paper before walking over to Kili and giving him a hug.

 

“You are going to have to relax. It will be okay.” He said

 

Kili nodded, and suddenly he felt his eyes sting. He was so worried, but no one was helping him.

 

“I feel so helpless.”

 

“I know. Thorin had no right to make you leave.” Ori said

 

Kili nodded his head.

 

“Have you spoken to Tauri? Does she know anything?” Ori asked.

 

Kili perked up, he hadn’t though to speak to Tauri.

 

“No, no I haven’t. But I don’t have her number. She called me from Fili’s phone.”

 

“What about your class? Most have like, an online component don’t they?”

 

Kili thought for a moment, and then he nodded his head.

 

“Yeah. Yeah I think so. Can I check?”

 

Ori nodded, and Kili opened up the macbook. He logged into his school account and brought up Slack—an online group work service. Sure enough, Tauri was listed as one of the participants, and it showed that she was online.

 

Kili brought up a private message box, and typed:

 

Killin.Oakenshield: Hi Tauri, it’s Kili. Have you heard from Fili?”

 

Tauri.Woodland: Hi Kili. No, I havnt L I was supposed to do a lesson today, but they called and canceled. I have one scheduled for Thursday though if you want me to pass on a message.

 

Killian.Oakenshied: That would be great, just tell him I’m thinking about him, and to email me as soon as possible.

 

Tauri.Woodland: Sure, no problem. He really likes you, Kili. You’re all he talks about.

 

Killian.Oakenshield: I like him too. How long have you been working with him?

 

Tauri.Woodland: About a month now. I’m a writing/English tutor. Thorin contacted me on my website and told me he wanted me to help Fili with his writing, He told Fili was having some trouble remembering things after the accident. But I think he wanted someone to just come be with Fili so he wouldn’t be alone all the time. The first week I worked there Thorin booked me every night for two hours.

 

Killian.Oakenshield: oh wow

 

Tauri.Woodland: it was great money for me, but I think it was draining for Fii. I think we ended up just playing cards most of the time. Fili’s a very eloquent writer, he doesn’t need much writing help. Now we are trying to learn how to read lips together.

 

Killian.Oakenshield: You’re a good friend for sticking with him.

 

Tauri.Woodland: Thanks J Hey, I have to go now—more tutoring students--- but I will talk to you soon, and see you in class! If I hear anything about Fili, I’ll let you know.

 

Killian.Oakenshield: Okay, is there a number I can reach you? Mine is (650)546-9988

 

Tauri.Woodland: Great! Mine’s (650)739-9376

 

Killian.Oakenshield: Thanks, I’ll see you in class.

 

Tauri.Woodland: Sure thing, bye!

 

Kili looked up at Ori, who smiled gently at him.

 

“See there are people on your side too. Fili will be okay. Don’t worry.”

 

Kili nodded his head.

 

“I hope so.”

 

888

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, it's been a bit of a poop tornado kind of week. blech.
> 
> I may have written some of my anger into Thorin--he get's better though, I promise.


	12. Chapter 12

It was Saturday—one week since Fili had been in the hospital because he had fainted in his house, one week since Kili had spoken to him.

 

Deep down Kili knew it wasn’t Fili’s fault for not contacting him, he knew that his father was super controlling and that he didn’t want any of this to happen. Kili knew Fili would fight for them if he had a chance to.

 

Kili had accepted that he wasn’t going to hear from Fili, had accepted that this relationship was going to be hard. He would fight for them though, because he knew that what they had was real.

 

An accepting state and a happy state are two different thing though. Kili felt like he was just going through the motions of his daily life; work, class, check email, go home to houseboat. He felt like he was just floating, waiting for the next thing to happen.

 

It was in this floating, non happy, accepting state that Kili had found himself in when he went to work and the reason he dropped a whole tray of freshly backed blueberry scones on Mrs. Lobelia’s head when he saw a familiar face walk through the restaurant doors.

 

“Fili!” Kili cried, he handed the plate to Mrs. Lobelia and ignoring her “well, I say….” comment, he ran over to Fili and hugged him tight.

 

“I missed you so much!” he said, and even though he knew Fili couldn’t hear it, he knew that he could feel it.

 

He pulled away from the hug and looked over his friend. Fili looked better—less skeletal---than he did a week ago and there was a tinge of color in his cheeks. His long blonde hair was pulled neatly back in a bun and his blue eyes shown brightly. He smiled at Kili and squeezed his hand. He then motioned for the table for them to sit.

 

“Yes, yes of course. Do you want anything? Water? Tea? Cake?” he offered, but Fili shook his head and then sat down. He pulled out his notepad, and started to write:

 

_I’m okay for now, thank you (I read your lips and understood!!). I’m so happy to see you._

 

Kili read, and then answered;

 

_I’m so happy to see you too._

 

Fili wrote, and then blushed a darker shade of red.

 

_I’m sorry I was unable to contact you last week. I wanted to, though._

 

 

Kili smiled, and then wrote;

 

_I know, it’s okay. You look good, and it’s good to see you. I missed you._

 

Fili looked up at him, and smiled. Then he wrote;

 

_Would you like to do something today? What’s your schedule like?_

 

Kili read, and then answered:

 

_My shift ends in 20 mins, and then I get an hour for lunch. Wanna go grab something? Or we can eat here?_

 

Fili read and nodded his head.

 

_Sure, I can wait here for you._

Kili smiled, and put his hand on Fili’s. For once, he didn’t flinch away from him. Fili smiled back.

 

Kili heard Bilbo calling for him from the kitchen.

 

“Okay, I’ll see you in 20?” Kili asked

 

Fili nodded his head, and Kili stood up to finish his shift.

 

When he had finally finished carrying the last plate of food (20 minutes seemed like an eternity to him), he hung up his apron, quickly combed through his hair (it had gotten longer….no extra money for haircuts when your saving for a demo record) and went back out to where Fili was waiting for him.

 

Fili smiled as he approached, and gave a small wave. He wrote someone on his notepad while Kili sat, and then showed it to him. Kili read;

 

_Do you like sushi?_

Kili nodded and smiled. He only had it once, and that was because Ori had basically said “try this” and shoved it in his mouth for him.

 

Fili wrote:

 

_Today’s my treat. I know a great place that’s a few minutes from here._

Kili read and smiled. The he wrote;

 

_Sounds good to me._

The walk to sushi place was short, but sweet. Kili couldn’t help smiling at Fili as they walked together. He seemed like he was doing much better since he saw him in the hospital a week ago.

 

At the restaurant, they were seated and Kili looked at the menu. He didn’t have any idea what any of the items were, but he didn’t want Fili to see how clueless he was.

 

He motioned for the notepad, then wrote:

 

_Everything looks good. What’s your favorite?_

Fili read, and then wrote:

 

_I like the Lion King Rolls, and anything with salmon. What about you?_

Kili read, and smiled. He _did_ like salmon, it was the only fish he would eat despite Bilbo’s many attempts at getting him to try the other kinds of fish that were served at the restaurant.

 

**_Salmon’s my favorite too!_ **

 

_Let’s order two roles, I think that’ll be enough. How about the Lion King and the Rainbow? They both have salmon._

**_Sounds good to me!_ **

****

Once the food arrived, Kili realized with horror that he had no idea how to eat with chopsticks. He looked up at Fili, who was expertly grabbing a piece of salmon role with his sticks. How did he make it look so easy? Kili clumsily picked up his sticks and (trying to mimic Fili) he reached over and managed to stab a piece of the role. He lifted it up and almost managed to drag the mangled piece of sushi to his plate before dropping it on the table. He heard a slightly huff, looked up and realized that Fili was laughing at him.

 

Fili smiled, put down his chopsticks and wrote:

 

_Having some trouble?_

Kili smiled and nodded

 

**_I have to admit that I have never used chopsticks before._ **

****

_Really? You have tried sushi before, right?_

**_Ori shoved a piece of a California roll in my mouth one time…..but that was it. I liked it, though! I love trying new kinds of food._ **

****

_That’s one way to try something new._

**_What’s your favorite kind of sushi?_ **

****

_Anything with salmon, and tempura, tempura anything is always delicious._

**_Tempura?_ **

****

_it’s anything that’s been deep fried in crispy batter._

**_Sounds good to me._ **

****

_Want me to show you how to use those chopsticks?_

****

Kili laughed and nodded. Fili looked up at him and smiled, and then held out his hands to demonstrate how to use chopsticks, and Kili did his best to try and copy him. He kinda did it.

 

“You make it look easy” Kili said

 

Fili blushed, and then motioned for Kili to pick up a roll on the plate that was nearest to him. Kili did, he picked up and the and was just about to bring it over to his plate when _bloooop_ it fell off of his chopsticks and into Fili’s water glass.

 

Fili smiled and laughed—actually laughed--- and then Kili snorted and broke down giggling. He looked at the poor piece of sushi in the water, and then at Fili laughing and he felt like his heart was glowing and he wanted to soak in the warmth but he couldn’t stop laughing. Kili looked up at Fili who had been laughing so hard he got the hiccups and was about to tell him to drink some water---but then he realized that Fili’s glass was full of sushi.

 

“Here, you can have mine.” Kili said, handing him over the clean glass.

 

Fili hiccupped again and nodded his head. He took the glass and smiled before taking a sip. After a few more sips, and several more hiccups he was able to control his breathing enough to grab the pen and write:

 

_I haven’t laughed that hard in months, thank you Kili for always making me smile._

Kili smiled

 

**_it’s good to hear you laugh._ **

****

Fili returned his smile, and then reached out and put his hand on Kili’s. Even though Fili was happy, Kili could still feel the tremble in his hand, he looked over at his plate and saw that the only thing on it was a half eaten piece of sushi.

 

With the image of Ori stuffing his mouth, Kili decided to try something. He –very carefully--- let go of Fili’s hand and picked up his chopsticks, he stabbed a piece of Lion King role and brought it up to Fili. Fili—to his surprise—accepted the role with s smile and totally would have put the whole piece in his mouth if it hadn’t been for Kili’s awkward chopsticking.

 

After that moment—either Fili was hunger enough to keep eating, or he realized that Kili noticed that he wasn’t—the two of them ate both rolls.

 

When the bill came, Fili insisted and put down his credit card. Kili couldn’t stop smiling.

 

They exited the restaurant and slowly walked back to the diner. Kili knew his shift was about the start, but he didn’t want to leave Fili so soon. He motioned for the notepad, and then wrote;

 

**_This was so much fun. I am so glad I got to see you, and that you are okay. Let’s meet up again soon!_ **

Fili read the note, smiled and then wrote:

 

_It was really fun—I have missed you. I’m not sure what my schedule is, but if I can get around my father’s crazy schedule I’d love to see you again soon._

**_Crazy schedule?_ **

****

_Yeah….when he’s not traveling for work he has my days planned down to the T._

**_I’m sorry, that sounds well…..crazy._ **

****

Fili smiled and nodded his head.

 

They both stopped as they arrived at the front doors of the restaurant. Kili saw the now familiar black sudan waiting for Fili.

 

Kili gave him a hug, and he smiled as Fili hugged back. He turned and walked into the restaurant, and watched at the black sudan drove away.

 

Finally they had their date, date, a real date where nothing went wrong (besides a divebombing piece of sushi).

 

And it had been perfect.


	13. Chapter 13

“So….Kili I was thinking, your birthday is coming up soon.” Bilbo started, smiling down at Kili who was carefully cleaning the piano keys.

 

Kili looked up at him.

 

“Yes, yes it is.”

 

His 24th birthday was indeed coming up, on June 19th which was two weeks away.

 

“What were you thinking, Bilbo?” Kili asked, grinning at the small man.

 

“Well, 24 is a big year don’t you think? One year away from being 25. It’s pretty exciting. Anyway, I was thinking we could shut the restaurant down for the weekend and head up to my little cabin in Tahoe. What do you think?”

 

Kili grinned, “I think that’s a brilliant idea. How many people can the cabin fit?”

 

Bilbo smiled, “Yes, you can ask Fili to join us.” He answered Kili’s unasked question.

 

“And anyone else, actually. That red head from your class? She seems nice. And Ori, of course.” Bilbo continued, counting off his fingers.

 

Do you think thorin will let him come?

 

I don’t know, I mean this is the guy that wouldn’t let Fili celebrate his own 21st birthday. I’ll ask him, maybe Thorin will surprise us.” Kili said.

 

Later that day, Kili logged onto skype on Ori’s macbook and was pleasantly surprised to see the Fili was online. Immediately, Kili started up a conversation:

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Hey Fili! How’s it going?

PhillipJDurin: I’m doing alright, how are you?

Kili_Oakenshield92: I’m great. Yesterday was so much fun, I laugh every time I think of the dive-bombing piece of sushi.

PhillipJDurin: Me too. It was fun

Kili_Oakenshiled92: Hey, I wanted to ask you something

PhillipJdurin: Sure

Kili_Oakenshield92: My birthday is coming up on June 19th, and Bilbo has offered to take me and a few friends up to his cabin in Tahoe to celebrate. Do you want to join us? It’ll be fruday through Sunday.

PhillipJDurin: You know I would love to, but…..I have to ask my father.

Kili_Oakenshield92: Yeah, that crazy schedule of his.

PhillipJDurin: Let me go talk to him, I’ll be right back.

Kili_Oakenshield: Okay.

 

Kili waited for about 15 minutes and he couldn’t help but wonder why Thorin was so strict. Was it because of Fili’s deafness? Or was it because Fili had tried to jump off the bridge? He hated not knowing the full story.

 

PhillipJDurin: Hey Kili…..he said no.

Kili_Oakenshield92: WHAT?

PhillipJDurin: I know

Kili_Oakenshied92: Why? Doesn’t he trust us?

PhillipJDurin: He does it’s just…it’s complicated.

Kili_Oakenshiled92: Is there anything we can do to change his mind?

PhillipJDurin: I’m open to ideas. Would it help if Bilbo called him? Or if he called Bilbo?

Kili_Oakenshiled92: What if you just came with us anyway?

PhillipJDurin: I don’t think that’s a good idea. He already doesn’t trust me.

Kili_Oakenshiled92: why?

PhillipJDurin: …….*

Kili_Oakenshield92: Sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

PhillipJDurin: No, no it’s okay. I’m trying to put the reason in the right words. The night of the accident, I was helping my mother move her belongings up to her friend’s house in Oregon.

Kili_Oakenshield92: Oh

PhillipJDurin: She was running away from my father. After the divorce, they stayed in contact because of me. My father wanted to make amends with her and change the divorce but she didn’t.

PhillipJDurin: My father didn’t know she was running away until we got into the accident.

PhillipJDurin: It was my fault.

PhillipJDurin: Things just spiraled after that.

Kili_Oakenshield: Oh Fili, I’m so sorry.

Kili_Oakenshield: And it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. It was an accident.

PhillipJDurin: You are the first person who’s told me that.

Kili_Oakenshiled92: You’re a good person, Fili. Let me talk to Bilbo, maybe he can convince your father.

PhillipJDurin: Thank you, Kili. I hope it works out, I would really like to go with you.

Kili_Oakenshiled92: It will, don’t worry.

PhillipJDurin: Hey, I have to go now but I’ll be on later tonight if you want to chat more.

Kili_Oakenshield92: Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.

PhillipJDurin: Bye

Kili_Oakenshield92: Bye

 

Kili watched as Fili’s name went grey and then he went downstairs to tell Bilbo the news.

 

888

 

“Well you know what? I think I’m just going to have to talk to this Thorin Durin and convince him that it’s going to be a perfectly safe trip with no _delinquent_ behavior at all. Not in my cabin!” Bilbo hissed as he dialed Thorin’s number on his cell. He—just as Kili had expected—had not taken the news well. Infact, he was a little insulted that Thorin didn’t trust him.

 

Kili may have stretched the truth a little bit when he told Bilbo why Fili couldn’t come.

Fortunately for Bilbo, and unfortunately for Thorin, they had exchanged cards the night of Kili’s first date with Fili.

 

“Hello yes Mr. Durin this is Bilbo Baggins from the restaurant. I wanted to talk to you about Kili and his--.”

 

“Yes I know what you said but----.”

 

Kili knew from experience that the one thing that Biblo hated the most (besides vapers) was being cut off on the phone.

 

“Now you llisten here, Mr. Durin. Fili has the right to have some fun once in a while. I am going to be with the lads the entire time and I will make sure nothing happens to them----.”

 

“No there will not be any drinking!!!” Bilbo actually stood up to fill height and puffed out his chest, even though no one but Kili could see him.

 

“No there will not be any smoking---I can---.”

 

“No I don’t have a boat, it’s just a cabin by the---.”

 

“Of course I’m not going to take them to the casinos. Who do you think I am? I don’t know what kind of _people_ you have dealt with before but I can assure that there will not be any problems. It’s just a weekend trip to Lake Tahoe to celebrate Kili’s birthday. We’ll hang out by the lake, have some cake, open presents and then come home----.”

 

Kili could almost see the steam coming out of Bilbo’s ears and despite the little man anger Kili couldn’t help but smile. Maybe Fili could come with them after all? Had Bilbo finally gotten to Thorin?

 

“Yes. Friday to Sunday---.”

 

“Yes. He will be home by 5:30 on the dot.”

 

“Yes. I will call you when we arrive.”

 

 _“Yes._ I will keep and eye on him and make sure he eats.”

 

“Okay. Okay. Okay. Good. See you on Friday at 3:00pm.”

 

“Goodbye.”

 

Bilbo rolled his eyes and huffed loudly, but then he looked up and grinned at Kili.

 

“Fili can come. As long as we are back by Sunday at 5:30 sharp and we don’t drink, gamble, swim, party, smoke, breath, move, talk, or participate in an orgi he will be totally fine.”

 

“Aww whats the fun if we cant have a gambling orgi smoke fest?” Kili teased, but he then smiled at Bilbo.

 

“Thank you for calling. I think this will be fun, and It’ll be exactly what Fili needs.”

 

Bilbo smiled, “Me too. God knows the lad’s been through hell these past few months. A little mountain air will be good for him.”

 

Kili smiled, “I agree”

 

And then he ran upstairs to tell Ori the good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *that means he's typing, like on an iphone you know the .... that's what that means.
> 
> #drinkinglimoncello #notwearingpants #writingismylife #fanfictionisawesome #whatagreatwaytospendasunday #bilbohatesvapersbutidont #yayyyyyrasberry


	14. Chapter 14

Killian Oakenshield couldn’t be happier.

 

It was his birthday weekend, and they were going to Tahoe.

 

And Fili was coming with them.

 

He was going to spend the entire weekend with Fili without the constant interruptions from his father.

 

Kili rolled his suitcase out into the main dining room of the restaurant where Bilbo, Tauri and Ori were chatting and packing up their stuff.

 

“Hey guys!”

 

“Hey Kili! Happy birthday!” Tauri said with a smile. She had her long red hair in a braid going over her left shoulder, and was wearing black yoga pants, a navy tank top and a light blue plaid button up shirt.

 

Kili walked over and gave her a hug.

 

“I’m so glad you could come”

 

“Thanks for inviting me, I’m so excited.” She responded.

 

“So, is it true? Is Fili really coming?” Ori said, walking over to the two.

 

The past two weeks had been slightly crazy. After Thorin’s initial yes, there had been a lot of trip micromanaging from him, up to the point where Bilbo actually stomped all the way to the Garden District and gave him a piece of his mind.

 

Kili and Tauri had been in class, but Fili and Ori had been witnesses.

 

After that, Thorin left the trip planning to Bilbo.

 

“Yes, he’s really coming.” Kili said with a smile.

 

“He’s so excited.” Tauri added.

 

Kili was actually slightly jealous of Tauri and that Thorin Durin paid her $60 an hour to tutor Fili three times a week. Thorin wanted her to prep him for his return to USF in the fall, as she was a rising junior there. She was helping him learn how to read lips, and teaching some basic sign language (Thorin explicitly told her he didn’t want Fili to learn because he was afraid Fili might forget his words completely). Tauri was truly a good friend though and always dedicated a portion to their lesson to Skype time with Kili on her laptop. She had started working with Fili right after the accident, and about a month before Kili met him on the bridge. Kili knew she felt bad for not noticing how miserable Fili was but then again, they all knew by now the Fili was really good at hiding his emotions when he wanted to.

 

And with her help, Kili was starting to piece together what exactly was going on behind closed doors at the house of Durin. The incident on the bridge had been a bit of a nasty wake up call for Thorin, and he was reacting as any parent would but he was doing it wrong! Thorin’s entire family had a history of mental illness, and he was worried that Fili was going down that same path his brother and grandfather did. But, Fili was not his uncle nor his grandfather. Kili had confidence that Fili would pull through this, because he was finally surrounding himself with supportive people.

 

After Bilbo’s third or fourth argument with Thorin, he finally put his foot down and basically adopted Fili into their little work family. He made it a mission of his to learn and teach sign language, he made sure Fili was eating and most of all, he showed Fili that people did still care about him. At least—he did when Thorin allowed it.

 

It was a miracle this trip was even happening.

 

“Kili! Kili! He’s here!” Ori shouted pointing at the window.

 

Kili could help but smile at his friend’s enthusiasm. He looked up and saw Fili stepping out of the black sudan. He was wearing tan pants, and a dark green jacket that was buttoned closed. It had a hood that was trimmed with fur (despite the summer heat) and to Kili he looked just like a little lion. His golden hair was pulled back in a messy bun, and he was wearing tan pumas.

 

Fili tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, looked up and smiled at Kili.

 

Kili gave a wave, and Fili waved back.

 

To Kili’s surprise (and relief) Thorin had not come with Fili. As Fili stepped onto the curb, the black sudan sped off, like it was in a big hurry.

 

Kili approached the blonde as he walked through the doors of the restaurant.

 

“it’s so good to see you” Kili said, and opened his arms out for a hug. Fili briefly accepted the hug and then stepped away and Kili felt him shaking from underneath the jacket.

 

“You okay?” he asked

 

Fili shrugged his shoulders. He was getting better and at lip reading every time Kili saw him (which was on average, every two weeks).

 

Kili smiled, then took his hand, and squeezed it tight.

 

“Come on, I’ll show you where to put your stuff.” He said, and then lead him into the main part of the restaurant.

 

Ori, Bilbo and Tauri waved hello.

 

Bilbo walked up them and smiled.

 

“Hi Fili” he said, speaking and signing at the same time.

 

Both Tauri and Biblo were encouraging sign language, despite what Thorin thought about it.

 

Fili smiled and waved hello—he was still very shy in sign language.

 

“I’m so glad you could come.” Bilbo said and signed

 

Fili smiled, nodded and then made the sign for thank you.

 

“Alright, now that we’re all here. Let’s get going!” Bilbo said and signed, he bounced excitedly on his feet, and then he motioned for them to follow him to hid Subaru out back. They piled their stuff in the trunk and then got into the car (Ori took shotgun, Fili and Kili were in the middle and Tauri had the backseat all to herself).

 

As they were pulling out of the driveway, a car—a bright red Tesla to be exact—sped around the corner screeched to a stop to avoid hitting them, blasted his horn loudly and then sped off. Bilbo jammed the breaks hard causing them all to jerk forward in their seats.

 

“Goddamn bastard.” Bilbo muttered under his breath, then he turned around, looking them over.

 

“Everyone okay?” he asked

 

“I’m fine, just cause they have this big fancy car doesn’t mean they can just do whatever they want.” Tauri replied hotly.

 

Ori laughed, “It’s a good thing they saw us, a trip to the ER would have put a damper on Kili’s celebration. You two okay?” he asked, turning around.

 

“I’m okay.” Kili answered, but he wasn’t looking at Ori, he was looking at Fili who was shaking like a leaf. He had his eyes squeezed shut, and was trying to control his shaky breathing. Kili put his hand on Fili’s knees and winced as Fili flinched away from his touch.

“

 

Tauri tapped Kili’s shoulder, “the accident” she whispered.

 

Then Kili knew what it was; Fili was having a flashback from the night of the accident. He had been on the oncoming traffic side, he must have seen the whole thing.

 

Kili unbuckled and scooted towards Fili.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Look at me, you’re okay” he said. He picked up Fili’s hand and put it on his chest. Fili clutched his shirt, and Kili could feel his hands shaking,

 

Fili kept his eyes shut, and shook his head slightly.

 

“It’s okay, your okay, we’re okay.” Kili repeated over and over. Until finally after a few beats Fili caught his breathe. He opened his eyes and looked up at Kili. He gave him a small smile, and then with his free hand he signed “sorry”.

 

“No no no, it’s okay. Don’t worry.” Kili answered

 

“Deep breathes, Fili. Tell him to take deep breaths.” Bilbo said.

 

“Breath. In and out. It’s okay. Just breath.” Kili said

 

Fili signed “sorry” again, but then he took a few shaky breaths.

 

“There you go, that’s okay.” Kili said

 

After a few more breaths, Fili gave Kili a small smile and nodded his head.

 

“Take your time, Fee. Just breath, it’s okay. There’s no rush.” Kili said

 

Fili nodded, and then he made the sign that said he was okay.

 

“Okay, I think we’re okay.” Kili said to Bilbo

 

Bilbo flashed Kili a concerned look the in the rearview mirror, but he started the car and slowly backed out of the driveway.

 

Kili squeezed Fili’s hand, he wasn’t shaking as much as he was before.

 

Fili signed, “Sorry” again.

 

Kili smiled at him and shook his head.

 

“Please, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry” Kili said

 

Fili nodded, eyes focused on his knees. He then leaned into Kili, putting his head on his shoulder. Kili squeezed his hand again, and then leaned onto the seat. The combination of the movement of the car, and Fili’s presence was making him drowsy.

 

And soon he was asleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nncbncnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbsdfbsdmfnmnxcmmnmncxmnvmcnmvnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnnmnmnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmnnnnn..;…//;///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////…………,,,,,,,,,njkk
> 
> Love, 
> 
> Bojangles (my cat)
> 
> p.s please feel free to draw/sketch/paint and submit to my tumblr!! songsofpsyche13


	15. Chapter 15

Kili woke to someone tapping his shoulder

 

“Uhh waassss up?” he asked sleepily

 

He opened up his eyes to Fili smiling at him, with an amused expression on his face.

 

“Wake up, silly Kili! We’re here!” he heard Ori shout

 

“Already?”

 

He sat up and look outside; pine trees surrounded them, and beyond the pines he could see Bilbo’s quant little cabin.

 

“Oh wow, that was fast.”

 

“For you.” Ori added

 

Kili shrugged, he looked at Fili.

 

“How was the ride?” he asked

 

Fili shrugged, and then made the sign for sleep.

 

“You slept too?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Alright guys, now that we are all awake, lets get inside!” Bilbo said, getting out of the car.

 

Kili unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped outside, he breathed in the fresh mountain air and smiled.

 

“Hey!! Are you going to leave me here?” Tauri shouted

 

“Oops, sorry Tauri.” Kili quickly put the seat down for her so she could climb out.

 

“I took a snooze too. The windy roads always made me sleepy. Wow, it’s hot up here.” She commented, taking off her flannel jacket.

 

Kili nodded, it was pretty warm. Probably 80 degrees or so.

 

“Come on inside, Tauri. I think you’re going to like it. This cabin has been in my family for age, be sure to take off your shoes. the hardwood is orginal….” Bilbo said, shuffling them all inside.

 

Kili waited for Fili, and then smiled at his jacket.

 

“Are you hot?” he asked

 

Fili just shrugged, but then he took off the jacket to reveal a long sleeved black shirt.

 

“Let’s get inside.” Kili said, and he extended his hand. Fili took it and Kili lead him inside the small but cute cabin. The living room had hardwood floors, an old fashioned fireplace and a large brown sofa. The kitchen was connected to the living room through a small door, and Kili saw the old gas stove peaking out. The cabin extended further into the back, where there were three bedrooms and a bathroom. Kili loved everything about Bilbo’s cabin, it smelled like pine needles and firewood and----

 

“AHHHHHH!!!!!” a blood curdling scream came from the bathroom.

 

“What----what is it? AHHH----.” Kili screeched and he jumped into Fili’s arms just as two hairy black spiders crawled out from underneath the closet door.

 

Fili stumbled backwards with a quiet _ooofm_ , and then put Kili on the couch. He turned around looked at the spiders, then looked at Kili hopping up and down at the couch, then looked at the spiders again. He walked over and in one swift motioned crushed the spider with his foot. He chased the other one out the front door with a broom.

 

“There’s another one!!! They are coming out of the closet. They are in the closet and they are coming out!!!!” Kili was jumping on the couch screaming. Fili gave up on his heroics as a third spider crawled out of the closet and up the broom handle. He dropped the broom and jumped up to join Kili on the couch.

 

“They are _spiders_ not dragons! Come on guys-----ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. OKAY EVERYONE OUTSIDE!”

 

Bilbo shouted, skirting away from the fourth black hairy spider that was crawling out from under the fridge and ran towards the back door.

 

Kili and Fili jumped from the couch to the table, and then hurried after Bilbo just as a screaming Ori ran past them and out the door.

 

“What the HELL were those things?!?” Tauri shouted as she brushed out her long hair.

 

“One assaulted me in the bathroom. It literally jumped onto me while I was peeing.” She huffed, looking at Bilbo.

 

“Okay. It’s okay. I will go in, get the vacuum and deal with them.” Bilbo said, standing up straighter.

 

“Or….we could just camp out here for the weekend.”

 

“Go get the vacuum, Bilbo!”

 

“Okay. OK. Fine.” Bilbo jumped up and down a little bit.

 

“Okay. Here I go.”

 

“Oh my god guys. Come on, they are _just_ spiders.” Tauri said, pushing past Bilbo and looking through the glass door.

 

“Oh my god. They’ve multiplied. Nope nope nope nope.” Tauri said as she backed up from the door.

 

“Fili, Kili. It’s up to you.”

 

Kili was terrified of spiders. He always had been. He could actually feel himself shaking. He _hated_ spiders.

 

“You know, I am warming up to Bilbo’s idea. Let’s just camp out here.” He said backing away from the door into Fili. He turned around and realized Fili was laughing.

 

“What?” he asks playfully, giving him a smile.

 

Fili tried signing, but then he shook his head and pulled out his notepad.

 

_This is the first time I’ve seen you scared of anything._

Kili smiled, and then wrote:

 

_I’m not scared of spiders. No way. Are you?_

 

Fili shook his head, and then he stepped forward and pointed to himself, then to the door.

 

“Go for it Fili. Save us. Save us all.” Bilbo said and signed.

 

Fili nodded, gave them a salute then marched into the spider-infested cabin.

 

About ten minutes later, Fili returned carrying the broom and beaming.

 

“Yay! You did it!”

 

“Hurrah for Fili!” Bilbo cheered

 

Fili smiled, and then walked over to Kili.

 

“Well, now that the house is safe again, let’s get inside! We can go down to the main town and get some lunch.” Bilbo said as he shuffled Ori and Tauri inside.

 

Kili smiled at Fili, he didn’t want to go inside quite yet. He motioned for the notepad.

 

_Want to go down and see the dock?_

Fili read the note and nodded his head.

 

Kili had been to Bilbo’s cabin several times before (this was the first time he had seen the spiders though), and he knew the way down to the private dock that was on the lake.

 

He led the way down the small hill to the dock, which was made out of old wooden plants. A paddleboat was tied up to the left, and it creaked softly in the wind. The water was bright and clear, the dock went out far into deep water so if they walked all the way to the end they could jump right in.

 

Fili smiled, and then motioned to the lake and signed “beautiful”

 

Kili smiled, Fili seemed less shy with sign language when they were alone. They walked all the way to the end and stared at the clear water.

 

“We should swim, later.” Kili said, Fili looked at him and shook his head indicating that the hadn’t understood him. Kili motioned for the notepad and wrote:

 

_We should go swimming later._

Fili read and nodded his head. He took the notepad and wrote;

 

_That sounds fun._

Kili smiled, “I brought my----.”

 

He paused and his eyes widened as he saw a hairy black spider crawl up onto Fili’s shoulder. Fili followed his gaze, saw the spider, gave a yell of surprise and in his attempt to shake the thing off, he tripped over a loose deck board and plunged into the water, cloths and all.

 

“FILI!!” Kili shouted and he jumped in after him. Fili resurfaced, and to Kili’s surprise was laughing. Kili swam up to him and took his hand.

 

“You okay?” he asked

 

Fili nodded, treading water. It was too deep for them to stand. Kili looked down at the crystal clear water and he could see the pebbly bottom. Then, Fili splashed him.

 

“Hey!” Kili shouted, looking up and seeing Fili’s mischievous grin.

 

He splashed him back, but Fili ducked underwater and swam off. He resurfaced a few feet away from Kili.

 

Kili smiled. And he watched Fili float and smile up at the sky. He was still wearing his tan pants and jeans. This was a whole new side of Fili, and he was liking it. Kili swam up to Fili and smiled.

 

“Do you like the water?” he asked

 

Fili nodded his head.

 

“Me too.”

 

Kili smiled, then swam up to the dock and took off his wet shirt. He threw it up onto the wood, and then he removed his shoes and pants. He then dove underwater, enjoying the way the cool water felt on his skin.

 

“It’s easier to swim without cloths.” He suggested to Fili, but Fili shook his head shyly. He had taken off his shoes at least, and had thrown them onto the dock.

 

They circled each other in the water, and Kili absolutely loved the way the sunlight and the water made Fili’s golden hair sparkle.

 

“Hey you guys beat us too the water.” a voice said, and Kili looked up to see a bikini clad Tauri looking down at them and smiling. Ori was standing next to her in his swimsuit.

 

“Come on it, the water’s great!” Kili shouted, he turned to Fili but to his surprise (and disappointment), Fili was swimming towards the latter to get out. He followed him.

 

The notepad had been with Fili when he had fallen in. Fili pointed to himself and then to the sun.

 

“You’re going to dry off?” Kili asked, and Fili nodded, but then he motioned for Kili to keep swimming.

 

“Do you want to change into your swimsuit?” Tauri asked him.

 

Fili shook his head, and made the same motion.

 

“Here’s a towel for you.” Tauri said, handing him her extra towel.

 

He nodded thanks and then spread it out on the dock and sat down. He kept his long sleeved black shirt on, even though it was hot in the direct sun.

 

“Geronimo!!” Ori shouted as he canon balled off the dock. Kili laughed as Ori hit the water with a splash. He looked up at Fili, his hair shimmering in the sun and he didn think he could feel happier even if he tried.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First think of the person who lives in disguise,
> 
> Who deals in secrets and tells naught but lies.
> 
> Next, tell me what's always the last thing to mend,
> 
> The middle of middle and end of the end?
> 
> And finally give me the sound often heard
> 
> During the search for a hard-to-find word.
> 
> Now string them together, and answer me this,
> 
> Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
> 
> ~J.K Rowling


	16. Chapter 16

They swam by the dock until Bilbo came down, equipped with a towel, a bag and a cooler.

 

“I ran out to the market while you guys were swimming and got us some lunch.” he said, spreading out his blanket next to Fili and opening up the cooler.

 

He also pulled sunscreen out from the bag.

 

“You guys should lather up. It’s hot out today. I think Fili has the right idea.” he said, pointing to Fili’s long sleeved black shirt.

 

Fili smiled and shrugged.

 

“Oh dear. Is that your notebook? Did they push you in?” he asked, pointing to the drenched notebook and then to Kili, Ori and Tauri swimming.

 

Fili shook his head.

 

“We jumped in, together.” Kili added

 

“With your clothes on?” Bilbo asked

 

“It wasn’t intentional. There was a spider.” Kili answered, hauling himself up onto the dock.

 

“ _Kili._ Are you in your underwear? Go and put your swimsuit on!” Bilbo scolded, covering his eyes with his hands.

 

“Sorry, Bilbo.” Kili said, but then he gather up his semi wet shoes and cloths.

 

“I’ll be right back.” he said, and then he darted up the path to change.

In the cabin, he quickly changed into his black swimsuit and then grabbed a new notepad and pen for Fili.

 

When he got back down to the dock, Ori and Tauri were sitting on their towels, and eating the sandwiches that Bilbo had brought for them. Fili was nibbling on some chips, but his sandwich lay untouched.

 

Kili sat down next to Fili and then showed him the new notebook and pen. Fili smiled and signed “Thank you”.

 

Kili smiled and put his hand on his back. With his free hand he accepted the sandwich that Bilbo was holding out for him.

 

“Thanks, Biblo.”

 

“No problem at all. Happy birthday.” Bilbo answered happily. He sighed and looked up at the sun.

 

“Boy is it hot today. I may have to take a dip myself.” he said

 

“The water’s nice. It’s not too cold.” Ori chimed in.

 

Kili nodded, he usually avoided the cold Tahoe water but this weekend was the exception. It felt like had to be 90 degrees or so.

 

“Are you hot, Fili?” Kili asked, motioning to the black long sleeved shirt he was wearing.

 

Fili shook his head but Kili did not miss the flash of fear in his eyes, or how he pulled the sleeves down further over his hand. Fili took the notepad and wrote:

 

_I’m fine. I don’t want to get sunburned._

Kili nodded, Fili was very fair toned.

 

After they had eaten (Bilbo offered to store Fili’s sandwich in the fridge for later). They walked back up to the cabin. Kili was relieved to find that there were no more spiders, and that the cabin’s air conditioning had kicked on.

 

Kili grabbed his guitar and sat down on the couch. He quickly tuned it, and then started playing random chords, noodling around on the strings.

 

Fili sat down next to him, and smiled.

 

Kili offered the guitar to him, “Want to try?”

 

Fili shook his head, and pointed to his ears.

 

“ _I know_ , I know. But you can still try, here--.” Kili said, and he placed the guitar on Fili’s lap.

 

Fili played a G chord, a C chord, and a D chord flawlessly before handing the guitar back over the Kili, shaking his head.

 

“That was great, when did you learn to play?” Kili asked.

 

Fili shrugged, and then pulled out his notepad;

 

_Maybe 7 th or 8th grade. But I haven’t played in a while. Violin was my main instrument, before the accident._

Kili read, then motioned for the pen and wrote:

 

**_Why did you stop playing?_ **

_My father thought it was pointless for me to continue._

**_I’d love to hear you play sometime._ **

****

Fili looked up from the notepad and nodded, then he motioned for Kili to play the guitar. He put his hand on the body so he could feel the vibrations.

 

When Kili finished, Fili clapped and then wrote on the notepad;

 

_I wish I could hear you play._

Kili read and nodded, “Me too.”

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon on the couch, playing guitar, writing notes and enjoying the air conditioner.

 

After a dinner of Chinese take out (Kili’s favorite), and chocolate cake (Kili’s other favorite), they gathered around the table to open presents.

 

Ori was first, with his annual $50 Guitar Center gift card.

 

Tauri was next, she gave him a Red Hot Chili Peppers album (Kili had never heard of them, but she swore they were just about the best band on the planet).

 

Bilbo was almost giddy with excitement as he handed Kili a brightly wrapped square package.

 

“This is for all the hard work you do, inside and outside of the restaurant.”

Kili excitedly pulled off the wrapping to reveal a brand new ipad air.

 

“No way. Oh my god, Bilbo this is too much.” Kili said, looking up at the older man.

 

Bilbo shook his head, “You deserve it, Kili. You really do. There are all kinds of apps you get to help record music, I think it’s really going to help you.”

 

Kili got up and hugged Bilbo, “Thank you so much.”

 

Bilbo smiled, “You’re very welcome, lad.”

 

“Well, plug it in! I can show you how to download skype so you can talk to Fili whenever you want.” Ori said, motioning to the Ipad and then to Fili.

 

Kili smiled, “Sure thing. I am so excited, thank you all so much.”

 

“I think there’s one more.” Tauri said, and she pointed to Fili who was holding a flat, square box wrapped in red paper.

 

He handed it over to Kili and gave him a shy smile. Kili opened it and pulled out a painting of the harbor that he lived in at dusk, the boats were cast in the soft glow of the setting sun and light stars twinkled in the sky.

 

“Oh my gosh. This is beautiful. Did you paint this?” Kili asked, Fili nodded, and then motioned for Kili to turn it over. On the back, Fili had written;

 

“You always see the beauty in everything. Happy Birthday. Love, Fili.”

 

Kili smiled, put the painting down and hugged Fili.

 

“I love it, thank you so much.”

 

Fili blushed, but smiled at him.

 

When they were done with presents. Kili stood up and he motioned for Fili to follow him.

 

He took his hand and led him outside into the dark hot night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my tumblr for some AWESOME fan art by silverwork4furs!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I've ever written something like this before, so please be nice. Just....dont pay attention to the nitty gritty details. Focus more on the feelings and the emotions Fili and Kili are having for each other.

The full moon was shining so bright above them they didn’t need flashlights to make their way down to the dock.

 

Kili sat first, dangling his legs over the edge. His toes skimmed the water. The night was still warm, and the cool water felt nice on his feet.

 

Fili sat down next to him, and he pulled out his notepad and pen, and wrote;

 

_Thank you, for everything._

_I don’t mean just this weekend. I was in a dark place, but you pulled me out of it._

_I never want to go back there again._

 

“I know. And you wont. I’ll always be there for you, Fili.” Kili said, taking his hand.

 

Fili moved in closer, his eyes glinting in the bright moonlight. It was so bright Fili could read his lips easily.

 

Kili smiled.

 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked

 

Fili’s smile broadened, and he nodded.

 

Kili leaned in and pressed his lips against Fili’s.

 

Fili hesitated for just a moment, but then he leaned into him, kissing him back.

 

Kili pulled away for a moment to pull his shirt off, and then he started to tug on Fili’s.

 

Fili stopped his hands, shaking his head.

 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Kili said, whatever Fili was hiding underneath his shirt, he could handle. He knew it.

 

“Trust me.” he said

 

Fili paused and the he nodded his head, and pulled his black shirt up over his head to reveal a dark scar that went across his chest and down to his stomach. There were also two dark long scars on each wrist, accompanied by dozens of smaller ones.

 

Kili’s heart sank as he realized that their meeting on the bridge wasn’t Fili’s first attempt. This was what he had been hiding earlier; he didn’t want them to know about the scars on his wrists.

 

Fili shook his head, covering the scars by crossing his arms across his chest. He cast his eyes down, looking at the dark wood of the dock instead of Kili.

 

“It’s okay, Fili. I think you’re beautiful.” Kili said, he took Fili’s chin and gently lifted it up until their eyes met.

 

“You are beautiful.” he said.

 

Kili then took Fili’s left arm, and kissed every scar on his wrist, then he moved to the right arm.

 

“You are beautiful.” he repeated.

 

Fili’s eyes were shining bright in the darkness, and he reached up to touch Kili’s hair, then his face, then his collarbone. He kissed Kili gently on the side on his face, and then on the lips again.

 

Kili then slowly stood up, pulling Fili with him. He unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, kicking them off. Fili’s hands touched his torso, his stomach, his back. Taking him in, in the moonlight.

 

Fili reached and removed his pants too. They stood there naked in the moonlight, just taking each other in. Even in the darkness, Kili could count every single one of Fili’s ribs.

 

He pulled Fili in close, hands brushing lightly over his chest, his stomach, and his back. Kili felt him shaking and took Fili’s hands in his.

 

Kili took a step towards the water, he gave Fili’s hand a squeeze.

 

“Ready?” he asked

 

Fili nodded and together they jumped into the cool water.

 

They circled each other in the water, naked bodies fitting perfectly together. Kili tenderly kissed Fili’s neck, and he felt Fili’s hands as they ran up and down his back. Kili slowly propelled them backwards until he could feel the smooth shore rocks brush up against his legs.

 

“Do you want to?” Kili asked, not sure if he would be able to control himself any longer.

 

Fili nodded his head

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Fili nodded his head again, and then kissed him gently on the lips. They moved closer to the shore until they were halfway out of the water on the soft lake sand and then Fili flipped over, his bare back shining in the moonlight. Kili entered him slowly, enjoying the warmth as he rocked back and forth with the motion of the waves. Fili’s skin felt cool and soft in his hands; he reached down slowly and massaged Fili until he felt him tremble with desire. When Kili came, he cried out into the night and their voiced entangled with each other as they were enraptured with warm pleasure.

 

They drifted back out to the dock, staring at the stars, enjoying each other’s tight embrace. Kili’s chest was full of love and passion as he stared at the man floating next to him. Fili’s eyes glittered in the moonlight, and he reached and tucked a stray strand of hair from Kili’s face.

 

“I love you” Fili said, his voice a soft whisper in the darkness.

 

Kili smiled and put his forehead against Fili’s, kissing him on the nose and then on the mouth. He pulled away and whispered in his ear, even though he knew he couldn’t hear it but he knew he could _feel_ it.

 

“I love you too.”

 

Fili tightened his embrace around Kili, and Kili knew that this was the happiest moment in his entire life so far.

 

They floated in the water until the cold drove them out. Kili pulled Fili gently up onto the dock and wrapped him in the blankets he had brought down from the cabin. They laid back and looked up at the stars glittering bright in the mountain sky.

 

With Fili’s warm body next to him, and the stars glistening down on him, Kili fell asleep.

 

It was the perfect end to a perfect day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did it right.
> 
> (that's what she said.)
> 
> (Kinda.)
> 
> (Maybe?)


	18. Chapter 18

Kili woke to the first morning sun rays gently hitting his face. He turned to his left to see Fili curled up against him, hair blowing in the soft wing. Gently, Kili tucked a piece of stray blonde hair behind his ear and smiled.

 

Last night had been perfect. Perfect for them. It was exactly what Fili needed, and Fili had finally trusted him to reveal his true self. It had been raw, and sensual and Kili was so glad that nothing had gone wrong. Even though Fili had revealed himself, he was still fragile. He still had a long way to go.

 

Fili’s hand twitched a little and he brought it up to cover his face. His eyes opened and he flinched back from Kili, sitting up, gasping in a panic.

 

Kili sat up, “Hey, hey it’s okay. You were dreaming, it’s okay Fili.” he said, hoping he would calm him down.

 

Fili looked at Kili, then took his hand and smiled.

 

“It was just a dream.” Kili said, he could still feel his hands shaking underneath his.

 

Fili nodded his head, and then his smiled widened. He leaned into Kili and kissed him gently on the nose, and then lightly on the mouth.

 

Kili smiled, “Last night wasn’t a dream though.”

 

Fiii put his hand on his chest, and Kili knew he was feeling for vibrations.

 

“Last night was amazing. You are amazing.” Kili said, looking up and Fili.

 

Fili nodded his head, he pulled away from Kili and then motioned towards the cabin.

 

“Yeah, we better get inside before the others wake up.” Kili said, and then he stood up, using the blanket as a rope. Their clothes were scattered all over the dock. Kili bundled his up quickly, and then waited for Fili to gather his. Together, wrapped in blankets they headed up towards the cabin.

 

Once they were inside, they quickly snuck to their bedroom, tiptoeing past the sleeping form of Bilbo on the couch (the back door had been left open for them).

 

Kili entered the bedroom, and laid down on one of the twin beds. His heart was still floating from the night before. He felt an indent and looked up to see Fili sitting on the bed and smiling down at him. Kili scooted over, and together they curled up on the blankets on the small bed. Kili felt himself dozing off. He smiled, he could get used to this.

 

An hour and a half later they were woken by Bilbo’s voice announcing breakfast. Sleepily, they unwrapped themselves from each other and got dressed.

 

Kili pulled on a light blue tank top and tan cargo shirts. He watched Fili as he dressed in a long sleeved dark green shirt and jeans. He quickly covered the scar on his stomach, and Kili saw a blush rising in his face.

 

Kili waited until Fili was looking at him, and then he asked, “What happened there?”

 

Fili shrugged, and then motioned for the notepad. They looked all around for it, but couldn’t find it.

 

“You can tell me. Really, I wont mind what your voice sounds like.” Kili prompted

 

Fili paused, but then nodded his head.

 

“These are from the accident.” he whispered softly, so softly that Kili could barely hear him.

 

Kili nodded, encouraging him to continue.

 

“A piece of glass was lodged, here.” Fili tapped his stomach. He winced—either at the memory or voice, and then made the sign for “ugly” with his hands.

 

Kili shook his head; he stood up and pulled Fili close to him.

 

“I think you are beautiful.” Kili said, giving him a smile.

 

“Thank you for telling me.”

 

Fili nodded and smiled.

 

“Shall we get some breakfast? Are you hungry?” Kili asked

 

Fili shrugged, and then motioned for him to lead the way.

 

They walked out to the smell of cinnamon and banana pancakes. Bilbo was busy cooking by the stove, and Ori was sitting sleepily at the table drinking tea.

 

“Good morning, Fili, and Kili.” he said brightly, giving them a wave.

 

“Morning Ori. It smells so good.” Kili commented

 

Bilbo smiled, “Pull up a chair you too, it’ll be ready in a jiffy.”

 

Kili led Fili over to where Ori was sitting, and they sat down.

 

“Tauri is in the shower. She’ll be out in a minute.” Ori said

“So, I take it you two had fun last night.” Ori raised his eyebrows. Kili felt himself blush.

 

“Yes, It was lovely stargazing.” He asked

 

Bilbo came over with the pancakes, just as Tauri stepped out of the bathroom. Her long blonde hair was braided down her back, and she was wearing a black sundress.

 

“Good morning! Today’s gonna be another scorcher. I can already tell. Ohhh banana pancakes, my favorite!” She smiled and sat down next to Fili. She signed “good morning” and gave him a wave.

 

Fili signed back, and then grabbed his notepad (which had been left on the table) and wrote;

 

_The only thing I understood was “Oh Pancakes!”_

Tauri read it and smiled, “You’re getting much, much better.”

 

Then she wrote: _I was saying that today was going to be another hot one, and that I love banana pancakes!_

Kili beamed at them, and was so glad that Tauri was a good friend.

 

“Here, have some pancakes before they get cold.” Bilbo said, forking pancakes on their plates for them. He put two on Kili’s plate, two on Ori’s plate, and two on Tauri’s. But he moved to Fili’s plate, Fili held up his hand a motioned for only one.

 

Bilbo frowned, but he didn’t push him.

 

“Okay, help yourself to more if you would like.” He told him.

 

Fili nodded thanks.

 

They ate, and chatted and cheered. Kili couldn’t help but beam at the little family around him. Everything was perfect, he couldn’t be happier.

 

Fili was the first one to get up, he motioned towards the bathroom and then wrote on the pad:

 

“ _Shower”_

Kili smiled, “Go for it”

 

Fili nodded his head, and then got up and headed towards the bathroom.

 

“Sooooooo” Ori started, “How did last night go? You didn’t come back inside.”

 

Kili blushed, “Last night…..was absolutely magical. And private.”

 

“Oh come on. I want the details! Did you do it?”

 

“Orlando!”

 

Both Kili and Tauri smacked him on the head.

 

“But seriously, what happened? I’ve known Fili longer than both of you and I’ve never seen him this happy before.” Tauri said, smiling at Kili.

 

Kili blushed, “We….He….showed me his scars. He opened up to me, and he spoke to me. It was like, he’s finally defrosting.”

 

“That’s so great, Kili. I’m so happy for you two” Tauri said

 

Bilbo walked over to the table and looked at Fili’s plate, which contained a half pancake.

 

“Is that all he ate?” Bilbo asked

 

Kili looked at the plate and nodded. He had thought if they acted like nothing was wrong then the problem would disappear. But that wasn’t the case. It never was.

 

 

“What did he eat yesterday?” he asked

 

“I think a bit of the sandwich, and some chips.” Kili answered

 

Bilbo nodded, “He has to eat more than just a few potato chips or else his father will have my head.”

 

“What did he have for dinner?” Bilbo asked

 

Kili paused, what _did_ Fili have for dinner. He remembered them opening up the Chinese food boxes, having the food lined up in a buffet style. He remembered his plate full of chow mien and cashew chicken but he couldn’t recall what Fili had eaten. A dim memory of Fili eating a piece of noodle with chopsticks surfaced in his mind. But that was it.

 

“Chow mien, I think.” Kili answered

 

“And that’s it?”

 

“I think so.”

 

Bilbo shook his head, “What can we do?”

 

Kili shrugged.

 

“Has anyone actually asked him what he likes to eat? Maybe he’s a picky eater? Or maybe he’s just sensitive. You’re never going to know unless you ask.” Ori chimed in.

 

Kili shrugged, “He likes…..sushi and strawberry ice cream.”

 

Bilbo perked up, “there’s a sushi place downtown. We can go for lunch.”

 

“Tauri can’t stand fish. Any kind of fish.” Ori said

 

Tauri made a face, but then nodded her head.

 

“We can just walk around. I’ll make sure he eats today though. I promise. I want to try out paddleboarding, and just hand out by the beach. It’s such a nice day.” Kili said, pointing outside.

 

Bilbo smiled, “Today’s your day, Kili. Whatever you like. I wouldn’t say no to lounging on the beach though. It’s so refreshing being up in the mountain air.”

 

Then the doorbell rang.

 

“Who on earth could that be at 9:30 in the morning?” Bilbo asked, flabbergasted. He walked over to the door, and looked through the peephole.

 

“Oh no.” he whispered softly.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Thorin.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAAAACAAAAWWWWWWWWW CAAAACAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!


	19. Chapter 19

“What-----.”

 

“Shhhhhhh……Hello Mr. Durin. I wasn’t expecting you here. So early in the morning.”

 

“Hello Mr. Baggins. May I come in?”

 

“Uh, sure. Is everything alright?” Bilbo asked.

 

Thorin stepped inside, and nodded his head.

 

“I have realized that I’ve made a mistake, letting Fili come on this trip.” Thorin said, his eyes grave but intense.

 

“A mistake?” Bilbo gaped, looking up at him.

 

Thorin nodded his head. He walked into the living room but didn’t sit down.

 

“I’ve come to collect him.”

 

“Collect him? As in, take him home? Everything’s been going so well, he’s been having---.”

 

“He is my son, Mr. Baggins. I know what’s best for him, not you.” Thorin said

 

Bilbo nodded his head, “I know this has been a difficult time for you, but you need to allow Fili some freedom or---.”

 

“You can’t take him away from me.”

 

“What? No one is _taking_ Fili away from you. Is that what you’re scared of? If you continue this madness, you will push him away from you.”

 

Thorin looked at Bilbo, and for just a moment Kili saw a flash of the real Thorin; the father who was afraid of loosing the only thing he had left in this world. It was only a flash though. Thorin’s eyes narrowed and he stood up straighter.

 

“I’ve had enough of this. I’m taking him home. Where is he?” he asked, trying to step into the kitchen.

 

Bilbo blocked him.

 

“Now hold on just a minute, I’m sure we can work something--.”

 

Kili heard movement, and he turned to see Fili standing in the hallway, staring at Bilbo and Thorin. Kili walked over to Fili and offered his hand, but Fili didn’t take it. He was staring at his father, a look of disbelief on his face.

 

“You’ve overstepped your boundaries, Mr. Baggins. Now step aside.”

 

“But----.”

 

“Fili and I are going home. Now.”

 

Bilbo reluctantly stepped away from Thorin.

 

Thorin looked directly at Fili, and Fili in turn took a step backwards from him.

 

“Get your things, we’re leaving.”

 

Fili shook his head.

 

“Get your things, NOW.”

 

Fili wouldn’t dare defy a direct order. He turned down the hallway and walked towards their bedroom.

 

“Fili, wait----.”

 

“You stay here, Killian.” Thorin said, and he walked over to Kili towering high over him.

 

“You stay away from Fili. Do you understand me? He is not ready. I will not loose him. Not again.”

 

Kili’s eyes narrowed “If you keep acting this way, then you will loose him.”

 

“I know what’s best for him. I’m his father--.”

 

“And I’m his friend! Can’t you see that---.”

 

“Enough! Fili, let’s go!”

 

“You’re insane.” Bilbo said, and Kili saw him instantly pale, as Thorin turned towards him, face red.

 

“I didn’t mean that---.”

 

Thorin’s face fell, “They were running away from me. I won’t let that happen. No again. I will not loose my family.”

 

“The only person you’ve lost is yourself, please. Stay the for the day, we’ll rethink this again tonight.” Bilbo pleaded.

 

But Thorin shook his head, “We are going home.”

 

“Thorin---.”

 

“You won’t take my family away from me. FILI!” he called

 

“He can’t hear you.” Kili said quietly.

 

Kili and Thorin glared at each other for a few moments and then Thorin pushed past him and walked down the hallway. He returned a minute later with a reluctant Fili in tow in one hand and Fili’s bag in the other.

 

“Mr. Durin. Thorin. Please, this is all just a big misunderstanding. If we just sit down and talked---.” Bilbo started

 

“Stay away from us, Mr. Baggins. This doesn’t concern you anymore.”

 

Bilbo stepped in front of the two of them, and crossed his arms across his chest.

 

“I’m not letting you leave _my_ cabin until we sit calmly and quietly and talk this out. No one is leaving. No one is trying to take Fili away from you.”

 

“He is my son. Not yours. I know what’s best for him. Now stand aside.”

 

“You think you know what’s best for him? Why don’t you ask him what he wants.” Bilbo said

 

“He’s in no position to be asked that. He can’t make decisions for himself.”

 

“What are you talking about? Of course he can, just because he can’t hear doesn’t mean---.”

 

“Do you think the incident on the bridge was the first time something like that has happened? How do you think that makes me feel? I have failed as a father to keep him safe and I’m just trying to do what’s best for him.”

 

“It doesn’t matter what happened in the past, we all---.”

 

Thorin twisted Fili’s arm and pulled up his sleep, showing Bilbo the scars that Kili had seen the night before.

 

“Does this look like someone who is capable of making good decisions for himself? No. No. No. I can’t fail him again. Don’t make me ask again, Mr. Baggins. Stand aside.”

 

Bilbo reluctantly stepped away from Thorin. Fili struggled against Thorin’s iron like grip on his arm.

 

“Fili, Fili. Stop. We are going. _Stop.”_

Fili stopped. He shot Thorin a dark glare and then yanked his wrist out of his father’s hand. He walked over to Kili, reaching his hands out to him.

 

“You don’t have to go with him. You can stay with us.” Kili said, but Fili shook his head, his eyes glassy. He gripped Kili’s hand for a moment, and then signed “Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay. You don’t---.”

 

But Fili shook his head; he took a step backwards and allowed Thorin to grab his arm again.

 

“Fili?”

 

Fili gave Kili once last glance before letting Thorin lead him out of the cabin, through the front door and to the black Sudan that was waiting for them outside. Then Thorin slammed the door shut.

 

And he was gone.

  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dramatic whispering, sh*t gets real! Mountains spinning’ round the dwarves, horses spinning’ round the dwarves. Gandalf gonna take his girlfriend up a hill……


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this awesome art done by Silverworks4fur!
> 
>  
> 
> http://songsofpsyche13.tumblr.com/post/148111239219/awesome-art-for-under-the-bridge-ch-20-from

 

June 20, 2016

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Fili? Are you there?

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Please don’t worry about what happened, I understand.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I’m sorry that our time was cut short.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Just let me know that you are okay.

 

June 21, 2016

 

To: [PhillipJDurin@crowspace.come](mailto:PhillipJDurin@crowspace.come)

From: [KillianOakenshield92@gmail.com](mailto:KillianOakenshield92@gmail.com)

Subject: Are you okay?

 

Hi Fili,

 

I’m just checking in with you to make sure you are okay. I haven’t heard from you in a while, and I’m starting to worry. I really miss you, Fili. Please, just let me know that you are okay.

 

I love you.

 

Kili

 

[MAILER-DAEMON@crowspace.net](mailto:MAILER-DAEMON@crowspace.net)

Remote host said: 550-5.1.1 The email account that you tried to reach does not exists. Please try double checking the recipients email address for types or unnecessary spaces.

 

 

June 22, 2016

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Fili, please talk to me.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I miss you.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I just want to know that you are okay.

 

June 26, 2016

 

PhillipJDurin: Hi.

 

PhillipJDurin: My father has been making a lot of changes, I’m being sent away to a treatment program. I don’t think we should see each other again.

 

PhillipJDurin: Goodbye, Kili.

_PhillipJDurin has signed off_

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: What? Fili wait, please.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Tell me what’s going on?

 

July 1, 2016

 

Tauri.Woodland: I had a lesson with Fili today, and it was awful.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Wait, what? You saw Fili?

 

Tauri.Woodland: Yeah, Thorin didn’t cancel my lessons. Even though I totally thought he would after what happened at the cabin.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Fili told me he was going away to a program, and that we wouldn’t be able to see each other anymore.

 

Taur.Woodland: What? That doesn’t make any sense, because I saw him today.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: He could be going to a program, but then coming home. Did they say anything at all? How was it?

 

Tauri.Woodland: Thorin didn’t say anything about a treatment program. It was just, so awkward. Usually we do the lessons in his room, but today Thorin wanted us to stay downstairs in the kitchen. He was listening the whole time. We actually had to do work, which was painful for me. And for Fili. Thorin gave us this big binder of stuff he wanted me to cover and half of it was math. I HATE math. I am not a math tutor. It’s a good thing Fili is like, a genius because I was looking at those problems and going “whaaattttt is this?”. Fili ended up tutoring me more. I can do calculus now. Whoopee. I honestly don’t understand why Thorin thinks Fili even needs a tutor, he’s really smart, he just can’t hear.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Tauri, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry. Were you able to talk to him privately at all? Were you able to tell him that I’m super worried about him?

 

Tauri.Woodland: I tried. I really did. I scribbled a note and stuck it in one of the workbooks. I hope he finds it, and that Thorin doesn’t. We have to be careful. Who knows how long I’ll keep this job once he figures out I’m passing messages for the two of you. I can’t afford to loose this job.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I’m sorry, Tauri. We’ll figure something out. Bilbo called the house again, and no one answered. How was Fili?

 

Tauri.Woodland: He seemed okay. His hands were shaking the entire time though. I could barely read his handwriting. He was too nervous with Thorin nearby to use any sign language. How can Thorin be so blindsided? I just don’t understand it. Someone needs to knock some sense into that man.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I know, right? You should hear Bilbo go on about him, and his stubbornness. He better come around. Or else I’m going to march right over there and see for myself.

 

Tauri.Woodland: It’ll work out, I promise.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Everyone keeps saying that.

 

 

July 8, 2016

 

To: [KillianOakenshield92@gmail.com](mailto:KillianOakenshield92@gmail.com)

From: [BilboBaggins@gmail.com](mailto:BilboBaggins@gmail.com)

Subject: Concert on Saturday July 23rd?

 

Hi Kili,

One of the guests today asked about the piano, and we started talking about it. He asked if we ever did live shows with it, and that gave me the idea to do a show on the 23rd. Would you like to play? I think it would be great PR for you, who knows who might show up to listen.

 

Let me know what you think,

 

Bilbo

 

July 12, 2016

 

Tauri.Woodland: Hey Kili! Congrats on landing the show. I’m so excited for you!

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Thanks, Tauri. I’m excited too, but nervous! This is the first time anyone other than Bilbo will hear my music.

 

Tauri.Woodland: You will do great, I promise.

 

Tauri.Woodland: I saw Fili again today.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Yeah? How is he? I really miss him. I wish I could just go over there and bang on the door until someone lets me in.

Tauri.Woodland: I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kili. You know how crazy his father can be. He could call the cops or set the hounds on you or something.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: The hounds? They have hounds?

 

Tauri.Woodland: They live in like, a mansion. I only assume that they do.

 

Killian_Oakenshield: Wow. That’s crazy.

 

Tauri.Woodland: I was thinking, what if I convinced Thorin to let me bring Fili into city on the 23rd to visits a museum or something. Then we could at least come for the beginning of your concern.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: You’re a genius, Tauri. Why didn’t I think of that before? Do you think Thorin will buy it?

 

Tauri.Woodland: Who knows? Maybe? I’ll give it a shot.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Keep me posted. My shift is about to start.

 

Tauri.Woodland: Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.

 

July 14, 2016

 

Tauri.Woodland: I told Thorin that the Museum of Modern Art was having an exhibit on the Fisher Collection and Lee Krasner was going to give a presentation on Saturday July 23rd at 4:30pm and that it was something Fili was really interested in and he bought it and SAID YES.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: OH MY GOD. TAURI YOU ARE AN ANGEL SENT DOWN FROM HEAVEN.

 

Tauri.Woodland: That gives you and Fili at least a 2 hour window to see each other, and for Fili to see the beginning of your show.

Killian_Oakenshiled92: Wow. That’s awesome. Thank you so much, Tauri.

 

Tauri.Woodland: You’re welcome :-)

 

Killian_Oakenshiled92: Wait a minute…..isn’t Lee Krasner dead?

 

Tauri.Woodland: What Thorin doesn’t know wont kill him. Besides, why on earth would he know who Lee Krasner is?

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Good point. I really hope this works. I cant stop thinking about Fili. It’s been almost a month! Is Fili in on the plan?

 

Tauri.Woodland: Yes, he can’t wait to see you. He was the one who suggested the MOMA, he knows Thorin doesn’t have any interest in the arts, which gives us an advantage.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: How is Fili?

 

Tauri.Woodland: It’s hard to tell, with Thorin breathing down our necks.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: He still sits in on your lessons?

 

Tauri.Woodland: Yes. I hate it. He gives this string of commentary, like he’s backseat tutoring. It’s always crap like “give him a worksheet on propositions” or “he already knows how to write in MLA format”. It’s annoying.

 

Killian_Oakenshiled92: I’m sorry you have to deal with him. Bilbo called the house again and left a message. He’s trying his best to bring him around.

Tauri.Woodland: I hope he does. For all of our sakes.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Me too.

 

Tauri.Woodland: I’ll see you tomorrow in class.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Alright, Goodnight Tauri

 

_Tauri.Woodland has signed off_

_Killian_Oakenshield92 has signed off_

888

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm battling an Ant Invasion in my house right now. SO GROSS.
> 
> My apologies to any Lee Krasner fans....I had to use someone and she was the first one I thought of.


	21. Chapter 21

July 23, 2016

 

Tauri.Woodland: Morning, Kili! Are you excited for tonight?

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Hi Tauri! Yes, so excited, and nervous. I really hope we can pull this off.

 

Tauri.Woodland: We will, I promise. Fili and I will be dropped off at the MOMA at 4:00pm, from there we will have 3 hours to get to the restaurant and back, I think we’ll hop on the Muni, then catch a cab the rest of the way. The car will pick us up at the MOMA at 7:00pm sharp. As long as we are back to the MOMA before then, it should be a piece of cake.

 

Killian_Oakenshield92: Good luck! I wish you guys could stay for the whole show.

 

Tauri.Woodland: I know, but it’s the best I could do. Atleast we will see the first part of it. And you’ll get to see Fili.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I’m so excited to see him. How is he?

 

Tauri.Woodland: He’s really excited to see you too. It’s hard to gauge how he is with his father always lurking nearby, but he seems okay. We gotta get him out of there soon though.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: I know, Bilbo has been talking with Balin who has a friend who’s a family lawyer. Fili has no obligation to stay there, because he’s over 18. Thorin must be holding something over him to make him stay.

 

Tauri.Woodland: He’s the only family Fili has left.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: He has us!

 

Tauri.Woodland: I know, we’ll work something out. I promise. Hey, I gotta go but we will see you tonight, probably around 4:30.

 

Kili_Oakenshield92: Sounds good. Thank you so much, and good luck!

 

Kili watched as Tauri signed off, and then he closed his ipad. He took a deep breath out of his vapor, and exhaled softly, watching the smoke waft through the room. He knew Bilbo would have his head if he caught him smoking it in his studio, but Kili couldn’t help it. Every time he though about the show, and seeing Fili again he lost his breathe. He was so nervous, and excited. He heard someone on the steps, and took one more puff before slipping the vapor in his pocket. Fortunately for him, it was just Ori.

 

“Hey Kili, they are almost done setting up downstairs.” He said as he walked over and sat down next to Kili on the couch.

 

“That’s great. I’d like to get some practice in with the band before the show.” Kili answered.

 

He and Ori had worked hard over the past week interviewing and hiring a back up band for Kili to play with. The people they found were absolutely amazing, Kili had been practicing with them all week.

 

“Heard from Tauri?” Ori asked

 

Kili nodded, “Just talked to her. She and Fili should be here around 4:30 tonight.”

 

“Right, the great escape. Do you think they will be able to pull it off?”

 

“I hope so. I can’t wait to see Fili.” Kili answered.

 

Ori smiled, “Me too. You’ll have about an hour to catch up on everything before the show starts at 5:30.”

 

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see him.” Kili answered

 

They both heard Bilbo calling them downstairs and stood up.

 

“You’re going to do great, Kili.” Ori said, and then he embraced him in a tight hug.

 

“Ori!”

 

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just so excited for you. I’ve been talking up this show on Crowspace all week, like 200 people have already said that they would be here.” He said, pulling away from the hug.

 

“That’s so great!” Kili said, with a smile. It was way more than what he had hoped for. He squeezed Ori’s shoulder and then turned and walked downstairs to where the band and Bilbo were waiting for him to practice.

 

The day went by in a blur of practicing on stage, setting up chairs, cooking food, and setting up the buffet for after the show. Soon, it was 4:25pm and Kili went into the back room to get ready and tune his guitar.

 

For the show, he had gone out shopping with Ori and used part of his Demo Fund to buy a sleek leather jacket for the show. He pulled it on, and looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t help but think he looked pretty cool. He was wearing skinny black jeans, black dock martins and a Sisters of Mercy t-shirt. Ori had helped him comb his curly hair back, and with the use of quite a lot of hair gel, was able to tame the frizz.

 

He smiled at himself in the mirror, and then pulled his prized Les Paul electric guitar out of its case. This guitar was his heart and soul, it had taken him almost three years of saving in high school to be able to afford it and he loved it.

 

He checked his watch, and to his dismay it read that it was 5:05. He checked his phone, and then his ipad. No messages from Tauri or from Fili. He knew that sometimes MUNI was delayed and that it took a while to catch a cab, but she also had promised to keep him updated. The show was going to start at 5:30, and he had been looking forward to the hour or so he would have gotten with Fili if they had showed up on time.

 

He sat on the edge of the table, noodling on his guitar and trying to focus on the upcoming show (instead of worrying about Tauri and Fili) until Ori stepped into the room.

 

“Hey Kili, it’s time. You ready?” he asked with an excited bounce.

 

Kili nodded, “Of course. Hey, are Tauri and Fili out there?”

 

Ori shook his head, “No, I haven’t seen them yet. When were they supposed to get here?”

 

“Around 4:30.”

 

“Oh. I’ll give Tauri a call. Don’t worry about anything, just focus on the show.” He said with a smile

 

“Oh, and you look fabulous, by the way.” He added with a wink

 

“Oh shush Ori.” Kili blushed

 

“You’re going to knock his socks off.”

 

Kili’s blushed deepened, and he felt the thrill in his chest he always felt when he thought about Fili. He then heard Bilbo start the announcements.

 

“Alright, wish me luck. And I’ll see you after the show!” He said

 

Ori gave him a high five, “Break a leg out there, Kili!”

 

The show for Kili went by in a blur of applause, vibrations, music, sweat, adrenaline and pure joy. As he played, he forgot about all his worries, riding on the bliss that always came when he sang and played guitar. The restaurant was packed full of people cheering and clapping, and several times he spotted Bilbo bobbing his head a long with the crowd. It was almost perfect.

 

Except that Fili never showed up.

 

He spotted Tauri in the doorway during the last song, he caught her eye and she shook her head back and forth.

 

After the show had ended, and after everyone had congratulated Kili on an awesome concert, Kili fought his way over to Tauri who was sitting at one of the tables and drinking a beer.

 

“Hey Tauri.” He said softly, and sat down.

 

She looked up at him with glassy eyes.

 

“Kili, I am so so sorry. Thorin must have seen through it somehow. I didn’t know he was the one driving us to the city. Usually it’s another driver. We got to the MOMA alright, but he must have been watching us because when we started heading towards the Muni station the Sudan followed us, and then Thorin got out of the car. He pushed Fili inside and fired me on the spot. I’m sorry, Kili. I’m so, so, so sorry.” She sobbed harder, blowing her nose with a tissue.

 

“What? No, that can’t be true. Hey, hey it’s okay. Please, don’t cry.” Kili said, scooting closer to her.

 

 

“I’m so sorry, Kili. We really tried. He really wanted to be here tonight.”

 

“I know. I know. It’s okay.” Kili said, patting her back. He then felt a rage building up inside of him, a rage at Thorin and how unfair all of this was Fili.

 

“This isn’t your fault. It’s Thorin’s fault. He is being a dick.”

 

“Kili!” Tauri scolded

 

“It’s true! I don’t care if he’s Fili’s father, or the creator of Crowspace. He’s a dick. A huge fat slug dick!” Kili said, pounding his fist on the table.

 

This caught Bilbo’s attention. He walked over to them.

 

“What’s going on?” He took in Kili’s fury, and Tauri’s tear stained face.

 

“Did Fili make it?” he asked

 

Tauri shook her head. “Thorin stopped us. He somehow saw through our plan. I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, Tauri. It’s not your fault----.” Bilbo started, but Kili cut him off.

 

“It’s Thorin’s fucking fault! Everything is his fault! He’s the reason I found Fili on the bridge in the first place. He is the reason Fili’s just getting worse. We need to do something, we need to get him out of there. Now. Right now!” Kili stood up, feeling his hands shaking.

 

“Kili, wait hold on a minute. We can’t just—.”

 

“I’m going over there. I’ve had enough of this. Don’t you dare try to stop me!” He shouted, pointing to Tauri and then to Bilbo, daring them to come closer. Then he strode out of the restaurant and down the road. He hailed a cab, and gave the driver Fili’s address.

 

When they arrived at the Durin Mansion, Kili paid the taxi with fumbling hands. The driver gave him a questioning look, but remained silent. Kili got out of the cab and looked up at the mansion in front of him. He was blown away by the sheer size of it. It made Bilbo’s restaurant look like a tiny little shack. Kili buzzed the buzzer several times, and when that didn’t work, he pushed against the gates with his hands. To his surprise, they budged just enough for him to squeeze through. He marched up to the front porch (which was twice as big as his boathouse) and rang the doorbell. After a few minutes of waiting and ringing, the door opened and a glaring Thorin stepped outside.

 

“Fili doesn’t want to see you.” He said

 

“Why don’t we let him decide for himself?” Kili answered, trying to sidestep past Thorin.

 

Thorin blocked him with a swift motion.

 

“You are not welcome here.” Thorin said

 

“I’m not leaving until I can see Fili.” Kili said, stomping his foot like a little kid throwing a tantrum, crossing his arms and glaring at Thorin.

 

There was movement behind Thorin, and Kili saw Fili standing in the hallway, staring at them.

 

“Fili! Fili, please. Tell him you want to see me, tell him you want to talk to me. Please, Fili. Please.” Kili said, signing the words he remembered.

 

“He can’t hear you.” Thorin growled.

 

“Please, what are you so afraid of? I’m not going to hurt him.” Kili said, looking up at Thorin.

 

Thorin didn’t answer. He took Kili by the arm and started walking him towards the gate. “I’ve already called the authorities, they are already here. Do not come here again.”

 

Kili struggled against the strong arms pulling him back, pushing him back passed the gate and towards the flashing blue and red cars. The police were there, waiting for him. He made one last attempt to get away, and as he was pushed and grabbed he looked up at the window and he saw Fili watching. One hand was on the glass, a sober expression on his face.

 

“Fili!” Kili cried, and even though he knew Fili couldn’t hear him. He still shouted for him.

 

“Fili! Help---.” He shouted, but he was cut off by one of the policemen grabbing him, twisting him around, and pushing him against one of the cop cars. They were talking to him, but their voices muffled together as Kili fought against them to get back to Fili. He had to get to Fili.

 

He was brought back to reality when he felt the cold bite of handcuffs snap on his wrists, securing his hands behind his back. He gasped and struggled, twisting his hands back and forth, trying to get loose of their confinement. The policeman was leading him to the back of the cop car, holding his head down as he threw him in the back. He turned around and watched as the Durin house faded away in flashes of blue and red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silverworks4fur has been making these amazing collages to go with each of the chapters and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to put them in the chapters. I've been posting them on my tumblr though, so be sure to go check them out!


	22. Chapter 22

Kili winced as he heard his neighbor in the cell next to him throw up into the toilet again. How had it come to this? Never in a million years had he imagined he would be back in a jail cell. He thought he was passed this! He wondered who would come pick him up. He hadn’t bothered to call his father (that man was dead to him) but he had used his one phone o leave Bilbo a message.

 

He checked his watch. It was quarter to one in the morning. There was no way Bilbo would get out of bed in the middle of the night to come bail his waiter out of jail. Kili winced as memories of the last time he was arrested. His father had not been happy with him. There had been a lot of yelling, screaming, pushing, shoving, and silent treatments. Kili dug his nails into his palms, trying to stop him from remembering that day. It had been awful. His entire life had been turned upside down. When they got home his father set the his phone time for 30 minutes—just enough time for Kili to pack up all his stuff---and then kicked him out the door.

 

He wished he could call someone else. Ori or maybe even Tauri. They would come. But the cops had taken his cell phone.

 

So he was stuck.

 

Stuck in this mess he created. Why had he gone over there? He _knew_ Thorin hated him. He _knew_ he wasn’t welcomed there, yet he still went. In the back of his mind, a voice told him that he went because he was sure Fili would stick up for him.

 

But Fili didn’t.

 

He just stood there and watched as he got arrested, and did nothing. Did he even care about him? What were they doing, anyway? He sighed, and then turned over on his back to look at the ceiling.

 

Fili was an adult, he had every right to stand up to his father. But he didn’t. he always let Thorin take control. He always let Thorin have his way with him. What had happened to him to make him so submissive to his crazy father? If there roles had been reversed, Kili would have fought tooth a claw for Fili.

 

And Fili didn’t.

 

He didn’t.

 

_He didn’t._

 

Somehow—Kili wasn’t sure how--- he managed to fall asleep, and was woken with a start as someone banged on the cell door.

 

“Killian Oakenshield? Your ride is here.” A gruff voice said.

 

Kili sat up, and tried his best to wake up. He felt groggy, and hung over. He checked his watch; it was 6:15am.

 

“Okay, okay I’m coming.”

 

Kili followed the policeman outside, wincing as the harsh lights hurt his eyes. Bilbo was waiting for him, sitting in one of the chairs. He stood up as Kili walked out. Kili braced himself for yelling and screaming and hitting (memories of his previous arrest still fresh in his mind), but instead Bilbo pulled him into a hug.

 

“Oh Kili. I am so sorry that happened. So so sorry. I didn’t get you message until about 30 minutes ago. Damn phone was on nighttime mode and I completely missed it. Are you okay? What happened?”

 

“I’m okay, Bilbo. Thank you for coming.” Kili said, returning the hug.

 

The ride home was quiet. Bilbo tried several times to get Kili to talk, but eventually stopped after Kili’s one worded responses.

 

 

They walked into the restaurant in silence. Kili could feel his chest vibrating with anger, and hurt, and shame.

 

“I’m sorry, Bilbo. I’ll repay---.” He started

 

Bilbo cut him off with a shake of his head, “No. No, it’s okay. Kili. You are my family. You don’t need to pay me anything.”

 

Bilbo walked over to one of the tables and sat down heavily, then motioned for Kili to sit next to him.

 

“What happened?” He asked

 

“Thorin called the cops.”

 

“Yes. I know that part. What did you do to have him call them?”

 

“Nothing! _Nothing._ I just showed up, and he was already there, he called them the minute he saw me. It’s not fair.”

 

“And what about Fili. Was he there?”

 

“Yes. _Yes he was._ He watched the whole thing without lifting a finger.” Kili growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

  
“I hate him.” He whispered in a low hiss.

 

“What?” Bilbo asked, appalled by Kili’s harsh words.

 

“If he wanted to be here than he would have been here. You know, I’m starting to think that he’s letting his father act this way because he’s using it as an excuse to not be with me. This is pointless. He is a coward. I give up.” Kili spat hotly.

 

“Wait! Kili it’s not like that. You know it’s not like that---.” Bilbo started.

 

“He watched me as I got arrested! He didn’t care about me. He never has!” Kili was shouting now, hands shaking with fury and hurt.

 

“Kili. Stop---.”

 

“No. No. I’m done.”

 

Kili took a glass cup and threw it at the floor.

 

“I’m fucking done with him, and with Thorin, and with just aggghhhhh!”

 

He threw another, and then another. They crashed to the floor with a satisfying crack as glass shattered everywhere.

 

“I wish I had never met him.” He cried as he turned over a chair and then kicked a table with his foot. He stepped backwards and he felt a piece of glass sink through his shoe and into the heel of his foot. He swore again and stumbled back wards, tripping over the chair he sank down to the floor with a sob. He didn’t care that he had just destroyed half of Bilbo’s inventory, or that he was sinking into a floor full of glass. Despair filled him as he clutch his hair. None of this was fair. None of it. He hated Thorin for doing this to him. He hated Fili for going along with his crazy father, but most of all he hated himself for not trying hard enough to get his friend away from him.

 

He was hardly aware of someone kneeling next to him, stroking his back and murmuring soft words. He wiped his face with his hands and was surprised to see that his hands were covered in glass and blood.

 

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” Bilbo said as he helped him up. Kili winced as he felt shards of glass in his shoes. He let Bilbo lead him up the stairs and sit him down on the couch. He barely noticed the pain when Bilbo took off his shoes and started cleaning and wrapping his hands and feet in bandages.

 

“You’re not going to need stitches. Good thing. But you shouldn’t walk on your heel for a few days. I have a pair of crutches somewhere……you can stay here for a little while. Just sleep, Kili. Things will look better after rest and some food.” Bilbo said gently.

 

Bilbo gave him a pillow and Kili fell into it, breathing in the familiar scent of Bilbo’s flat. It was comforting.

 

And with the smells of cinnamon, cotton and paper, Kili felt himself fall into a doze, and he slept.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was able to visit the Golden Gate Bridge and Marin Country (where Kili lives in his houseboat) yesterday! It was so cool to get to see the place where my characters met!! And it was gorgeous. I love going up to the city!
> 
> I have also gone back into the chapter and changed some things around in order for the next chapter to make sense;
> 
> Fili has been deaf for SIX MONTHS ( instead of six weeks like I previously stated).
> 
> They met at the end of June 2016. The accident happened in January 2016.
> 
> Tauri started working for the Durin's in April.
> 
> Hope that clarifies some of the details!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tweaked the timeline just a little bit: 
> 
> Fili has been deaf for SIX MONTHS ( instead of six weeks like I previously stated).
> 
> They met at the end of June 2016. The accident happened in January 2016.
> 
> Tauri started working for the Durin's in April.
> 
> Hope that clarifies some of the details!

Days blurred into weeks for Kili as he fell into a sober routine of waking up, going to work and not thinking about Fili. Summer classes had ended, and he had a few weeks to himself before the fall semester started again---weeks that he had been hoping to spend with Fili. Now he was just stuck with waiting tables and washing dirty dishes.

 

The others seemed to sense his misery and tip toed around him. Bilbo never spoke of that morning—the one where Kili broke down in the restaurant. He seemed to understand that Kili needed space, but also he needed to be kept busy, he allowed Kili to work in the kitchen, away from customers even after the cuts on his hands and feet healed.

 

As long as no one brought up Fili, or Thorin, or CrowSpace, Kili was fine.

 

The rain pattered heavily on the windows, and Kili checked outside once again to see if it was hail, or just heavy rain. It was rain. He sighed and went back to the main dining area, where he was mopping the floors. Bilbo was at the cash register, counting the bills and receipts from the day.

 

The heavy silence was interrupted by a loud knock, followed by several loud, more panicked knocks.

 

“Who on earth could that be?” Bilbo said

 

Kili walked towards the door. He dropped the mop as he saw Fili. Dripping wet, and banging on the door.

 

He rushed ahead of Bilbo and opened up the door.

 

“Fili!” he cried, but when he tried to hug him Fili flinched away, stepping back out into the rain. Kili paused, and looked at the blonde more closely; his face and eyes were red, his entire body was shaking but the worst thing was a darkening bruise across his cheekbone. Like someone had backhanded him. Hard. He was clutching something in his hand that looked like an envelope.

 

Kili quickly stepped back, away from him.

 

“It’s okay, Fili. I’m not going to hurt you. Please, come inside out of the rain.” He spoke clearly, hoping that Fili would be able to read his lips.

 

Fili hesitated, but then stepped in out of the rain. He was dripping wet, and freezing. Kili reached out to him, but his hand froze when he saw him flinch again.

 

He lowered his hand, “Come on, let’s get you warmed up.”

 

Fili nodded, and he followed Kili out into the main part of the restaurant, where Bilbo was waiting with two cups of tea and a blanket.

 

“Oh you poor thing. Come, sit, let’s get you warm.” He fussed, motioning to the chair. Fili sat with a shaky breath. His hair had gotten loose of the tie that usually held it back in a bun. It fell over his face and dripped cold drops of water on the table.

 

Kili quickly grabbed a pen, and a pad of paper then, sat down next to Fili, but the blonde refused to look him in the eye. He sat there for a few more minutes, trying to gain control of his breath. Kili waited patiently, his heart aching for his friend. Then Fili seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in. he sat up straighter and tucked his hair behind his ears with a shaky hand, and then he took the envelope he had been clutching, unfolded it and passed it to Kili.

 

Kili took it, noting on the front that it was from a hearing specialist at Stanford hospital. He opened it up and read;

 

“Dear Phillip Durin,

 

Your candidacy for cochlear implant surgery has been approved, and we are delighted to inform you that you have been selected and are eligible for cochlear implants.

 

Please regard the attached information. If you should choose to accept the procedure, please make an appointment no later than April 15, 2016.

 

We are looking forward to working with you.

 

Signed,

 

Dr. Luke Bard”

 

Kili looked up at Fili. This was great news, he was going to be able to hear again. But Fili shook his head, and then pointed to the date of the letter: March 15, 2016.

 

This letter was almost four months old.

 

Kili felt the rage build up inside of his chest. This letter was four months old. And Fili had just found it now. Fili took the notepad and wrote:

 

_I found this hidden away in my father’s study. He kept it from me. He knew I could be given the chance to hear again and he hid it from me. He lied to me._

Bilbo walked back over holding a bowl of warm water and a washrag. The bruise on Fili’s face was starting to bleed. Fili touched it and winced softly.

 

“Here, lad. Let me.” Bilbo said, and Fili reluctantly let him, wincing as the soft rag brushed against the bruise. Bilbo’s face was calm, but somber. He waited until Fili was looking at him.

 

“Did Thorin do this to you?” he asked

 

Fili nodded, and then his face crumpled as tears fell on the table.

 

Kili handed Bilbo the letter from the hospital.

 

“It’s almost four months old. Fili found it hidden in Thorin’s room. Thorin kept it from him all this time.” He explained as Bilbo read over the letter.

 

Fili picked up the pen again, and wrote:

 

_I’m done letting him control me. I don’t want to see him again._

Bilbo read the note and nodded.

 

“You can stay here with me tonight.” He said, Fili gave him a blank look and shook his head. Bilbo picked up the pen and wrote:

 

_You can stay here with me tonight. We will figure everything out in the morning. Are you hungry?_

Fili read the note, and then shook his head.

 

Bilbo frowned, and wrote;

 

_When was the last time you had something to eat?_

Fili shrugged his shoulders.

 

_Let me make you something. What do you like?_

Fili shrugged his shoulders again, Bilbo’s brow furrowed.

 

_I’ll whip us up something quick._

He then stood up, “Kili? Can you run upstairs and get some clean clothes for Fili to change into? I think I have some sweatpants that will fit him.”

 

Kili nodded and headed up the stairs to find the dry clothes. When he came back down, Fili was picking at a piece of Bilbo’s famous cornbread. A bowl of steaming, untouched chili sat beside the plate.

 

Kili sat down next to Fili, and put the clothes on the table. Fili looked up at him, and gave him a shy smile.

 

“Here, change into these before you catch a cold.” Kili said, pushing the clothes towards him. Fili took them, and nodded his head.

 

He pointed towards the bathroom, and Kili nodded.

 

“I’ll wait here for you.” He said.

 

Fili took the clothes, stood up and walked towards the bathroom. Kili closed his eyes and sighed. Fili was finally back, but it wasn’t like before. Now he shook and shivered and flinched away from his touch, making his heart break. It seemed like all those weeks of gaining his trust had gone out the window.

 

Kili looked up as Fili stepped out of the bathroom, looking incredibly thin in Bilbo’s baggy clothes. The bruise on his face gleamed in the light and he ducked his head so his hair covered his face.

 

“Hey Fili.” Kili said and signed.

 

Fili gave him a thin smile, and then sat down.

 

Kili grabbed the pen and wrote;

 

_You should eat before it gets too cold._

Fili read the message, and then shrugged his shoulders. He picked up the spoon and took a couple bites of the chili. Kili smiled encouragingly.

 

After a few more bites, he put down the spoon and pushed the bowl away. He ran his fingers through hair, and suppressed a yawn.

 

Kili smiled, and then slowly reached out and put his hand on top of Fili’s.

 

Fili intertwined his fingers with his. Kili took his hand and put in on his chest.

 

“I’m glad you’re here, Fee.” He said

 

Fili smiled his first real smile, and reached for his other hand. Kili let him take it. Fili leaned into him, putting his head on his chest.

 

Kili squeezed his hand gently. He could feel him shaking.

 

“You’re gonna be okay. I promise.” Kili said softly.

 

“We will work everything out. Bilbo will call the doctor in the morning and get an appointment set up, and you don’t have to go back to your father. You can stay here with us. We’ll protect you, I promise.” He said, even though he knew Fili couldn’t understand him, he could feel the vibrations in his chest.

 

Fili pulled away, and looked up at Kili, his eyes glassy.

 

“Come, let’s get you to bed.” Kili said, and then he got up slowly and led him upstairs to Bilbo’s flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New job has chopped dramatically into my writing time. Hopefully there will be time to write another chapter this weekend!


	24. Chapter 24

Kili sleepily walked down the stairs into the restaurant, suppressing a yawn. He had spent the night again with Fili, but he knew he needed to head back to his houseboat to get more cleaned clothes soon.

 

The past week had fallen into a comfortable routine for Fili, and Kili. Bilbo had surprised them with access to the attic above his flat, which after a little TLC and a good scrub down, turned out to be a small but quaint little room. Fili, for the most part was okay as long as no one touched him. He still jumped when he saw someone unexpected, and his hands still shook when he signed though. Kili tried his best to make him comfortable, but he longed for that night they spent on the lake together.

 

The best part though for Fili was that Bilbo offered him a job as an office assistant for the restaurant. This not only allowed him to be kept busy, but it also made him an independent (which meant Thorin couldn’t touch him, or anything that he earned working for Bilbo). The job itself was a little mundane—cleaning and organizing the office, updating records etc.—but it gave Fili a sense of self, and after a few days on the job he seemed a little less jumpy and more confident, in fact----.

 

“Kili? Can you take table two? I have to return this call, it’s from Dr. Bard!” Bilbo interrupted Kili’s thoughts as he whisked by him opening up his cell. The minute Fili had shown Bilbo that letter, Bilbo had been working non stop to secure an appointment with Dr. Bard—who was a nice but extremely busy man. They had been playing phone tag all week.

Kili scurried out to cover Bilbo’s tables. He took orders, cleared plates and refilled water glasses until his break, where he was relieved to go out into the back alley and smoke. To his surprise, someone had already beaten him to his spot.

 

Kili smiled, and went to sit down next to Fili. He waved for his attention, and waited until Fili was looking at him before he motioned if he could sit. Fili smiled and nodded.

 

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Kili said, signing the words he knew.

 

Fili shook his, and then mimed taking a breath.

 

“You came out for some air?” Kili asked

 

Fili nodded, he was getting better at identifying what was and wasn’t a trigger, and when he needed a break to calm down. He still had really high anxiety; especially around people he didn’t know, or people who were talking too fast and he couldn’t understand what they were saying.

 

Fili gave him a crooked smile, and then pulled out his notepad and wrote;

 

“You know that’s bad for you, right?”

 

Kili read it and laughed, he took the pad and pen;

 

“Don’t tell Ori, but I only vape for the flavor. It’s 0% nicotine. Nothing is better than bananas and strawberries.”

 

Fili read and smiled.

 

Kili then wrote, “How have you been doing?”

 

Fili shrugged, and then motioned for the pen;

 

“Better than I have been in a long time. It’s a relief not to have my father around.”

 

He paused, and then wrote:

 

“I miss my home though. It was the one I grew up in, with my mother.”

 

Kili nodded, reached for the pen and wrote;

 

“ That must have been awful, leaving and knowing you wouldn’t come back.”

 

He paused, and then added:

 

“You’re safe here now. Have you given the restraining order any more thought?”

 

Fili paused. He and Bilbo had spoken to Bilbo’s friend Balin yesterday, who was a family lawyer. Balin suggested that Fili file for a restraining order, since Thorin had been violent towards him.

 

Then Fili shrugged his shoulders. Kili knew he knew that it was the right thing to do, but was hesitant only because Thorin was the only family he had and he did have memories of the Good Thorin from growing up. He was having a hard time letting go.

 

“Kili! You put that thing back where it came from or so help me, I will take it and….and throw it off the embarcadero!” a very blustered Bilbo walked out of the back door and put his hands on his hips. Kili felt his face turning red. And he quickly hid the vaper in his pocket. Bilbo gave him a thin smile, and then walked past him to Fili.

 

“Fili, I just got off the phone with Dr. Bard. We made an appointment for next Tuesday at 10:30am.” Bilbo said and signed.

 

Fili nodded his head, motioned for the notepad and wrote:

 

“I’ll be able to hear again?”

 

Bilbo nodded, “Yes. There are a couple steps to the procedure, but if everything goes well, yes.”

 

Fili reached over to take Kili’s hand smiled at him his first true smile in a long time.

 

Kili gave his hand a squeeze, finally things were starting to look up.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still here!! I'm still writing!! Sorry it was so short!
> 
> I will leave you with a poem (and some words of advice):
> 
> I gave you the chance,  
> To water the plants.  
> But I didn't mean that way.  
> Now PULL UP YOUR PANTS!


	25. Chapter 25

It was Sunday. Usually Kili’s Sundays were full of laundry confusion and last minute scrambling to get his schedule for the week in place, but this Sunday morning was different. This Sunday morning he was standing outside a mansion in the Garden District holding a two large bags and a box and praying to all the gods that Thorin was actually at a conference in Washington and that he wouldn’t be coming home early.

Yesterday, Bilbo had made the executive decision that Fili should move the things he wanted out of Thorin’s house and into his room above the restaurant just in case Thorin decided to do something drastic—like get rid of them.

Kili turned to Fili, who was fumbling with his keys with shaky hands and staring at the ground. Kili knew he was nervous, considering what happened the last time he had been here. The bruise on his face had faded, but Thorin’s hand had left a faint scar on his cheek.  Fili took a few deep breathes, and then he walked up to the mansions door and opened it with his key. The door swung open but neither of them stepped in. Kili stared in awe at the vast forey—which was bigger than Bilbo’s entire restaurant. Fili turned to him and gave him a slight smile for walking forward towards the grand staircase. Kili followed him up the stairs and to the left. Fili paused at the third door, he put his hand on the handle, took another deep breath and then opened it. He stepped inside, and then motioned for Kili to follow.

 

Kili stepped into the slightly messy but homey looking bedroom. It had light green walls, on one side there were three medium sized framed national park posters above a tan wooden desk. The desk was lined with books, papers and pencil holders. Next to the desk was another bookshelf, lined slight haphazardly with books, various knick-knacks and a potted cactus plant. Across from the desk, on the other side of the room was a music nook consisting of two chairs, a music stand and a violin case. Kili remembered back during one of their first conversations that Fili had said he played the violin.

Fili put the suitcase he was holding on his bed, and then sat down with a quiet sigh. Kili knew how hard this must be for him.  He walked across the room, pulling the chair with him so he could sit next to Fili (but not too close).

“You doing okay?” he asked, signing and talking at the same time.

Fili nodded, but didn’t say anything. He then turned to open the suitcase, and Kili noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. Fili sighed again, then stoop up and walked over to the closet. He opened it and started pulling shirts from their hangers, folding them neatly in a stack before bringing them over to his suitcase.

Kili watched him, slightly at lose of what to do. Despite his and Bilbo’s many attempts to get Fili to talk about what happened that night before he arrived at the restuarnt, Fili still hadn’t told them. It was slightly frustrating, but also understandable. It had been a terrible night, with terrible consequences and only time would heal the wounds that Thorin had created.

Kili walked over to the violin case and touch it lightly with the tip of his fingers. Fili paused from folding and looked up at him.

“I remember you told me that you play.” Kili said, smiling.

Fili shook his head, pulled out his notebook and wrote:

“I used to play. I don’t anymore.”

Kili read the note, and then asked:

“Why not?”

Fili shrugged his shoulders, and then tapped his ears.

Kili’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t say anything. He picked up the violin case and opened it on the desk. His hand glossed over the shiny dark wood, and metal strings. He turned around to Fili, who was watching him with an unrecognizable expression on his face.

“Will you play for me?” Kili asked, gently picking up the violin and bow. Fili took a step back away from the violin and paused just for a moment, and then he picked up the notebook again.

“I havnt played in a long time. I don’t think I remember how.”

Kili read it and shrugged

“That’s okay, just play whatever comes to mind. I would love to hear you.” Kili answered.

Fili nodded, and took the instrument from Kili. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. He adjusted the violin, and played a thin, light note with the grace of a person who had played almost his entire life. Fili smiled slightly, and then played another note, a little louder this time. He played a few more random notes, and then played the first few notes of a scale. He paused and looked up at Kili.

“That sounds amazing, you should keep going.” Kili said, motioning for him to play more.

Fili smiled, and then began to play a song Kili didn’t recognize. It was beautiful though. Kili felt his chest swell as the notes drifted across the room. He had never heard anything as beautiful in his entire life. When Fili finished, he nodded his head in a little bow. Kili made the sign for applause with his hands.

 

“That was beautiful, what was it?” Kili asked

Fili smiled, put the violin down gently on the bed and then wrote:

“It was the spring section, from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons”

“How long have you been playing?”

Fili shrugged and then wrote; “Since I was little, my mother encouraged me to pick an instrument. All I wanted to do was play sports though.”

He paused, and then added “I’m glad she made me though, I forgot how much I loved to play until just now.”

“You should bring it with you, to Bilbo’s. I’m sure he would love to hear you play too.” Kili suggested. Fili nodded his head, then stood up and put the violin back in it’s case.

The rest of the packing went fairly quickly. Besides the violin, and the suitcase of clothes, Fili wasn’t keen on bringing anything else back with him. Fili seemed to notice Kili’s concern, for he then wrote in the notepad:

“Most of my possessions were destroyed in the accident. We were packing to leave my father for good that night. Most of this is what my father bought me afterwards.”

Kili read the note and nodded, “I’m sorry, Fili. That must have been rough.”

Fili nodded, then looked around the room at the empty closet and drawers. He motioned for Kili to hold on for a moment, and then he bent down to grab something from under the bed. It was a wooden box, the lid of the box had Mount Beorn’s Meadery engraved on it, and was decorated with various bees and flowers.

Fili sat down on the bed, undid the latch, and opened it. Kili saw that it was not full of mead but, of birthday cards, notes, pictures, notebooks and knick knacks.  Fili pulled out a photo, and showed it to Kili. It was an older photo—maybe four or five years—and it showed a younger Fili sitting next to a beautiful woman with long dark hair and the same crystal clear blue eyes. They were standing at the Point Bonita lighthouse, and Kili could see the Golden Gate Bridge in the background.

“That’s your mother?” Kili answer gently

Fili nodded, and smiled slightly.

He took the pen, and wrote:

“She always loved exploring Point Bonitas, and Marin County. And the Bridge…”

His hand paused over the word for a split second, and then he passed it over to Kili.

Kili nodded his head, and tried to think of what to say next. This was one of those rare moments where Fili was actually talking about what happened—how they met on the bridge and he didn’t want to ruin it by making Fili feel more anxious.

“It’s beautiful, over there.” Kili wrote

Fili nodded, a strand of hair fell over his face and a vacant expression in his eyes. Kili knew he was remembering that day and even though it was the day they had met, it was also the day he decided to end his life.

Kili moved from the chair he was sitting on to the bed and very gently wrapped his arms around Fili.

“You are so strong. She would have been proud.” Kili said, making sure Fili was able to read his lips.

Fili nodded, and returned Kili’s hug, nuzzled his face into his neck. After a few moments of this, he straightened up, looked at the picture one more time and then put it in the box. He tapped it lightly with his fingers.

“Ready to go?” Kili asked

Fili nodded. Together, they grabbed the suitcase, the bag, the two boxes and the violin case. Kili walked out of the room first, and watched as Fili took one last look of his room, turned the lights off and closed the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive!! I am still here!! Finally my schedule has become less chaotic, and I finally think straight. I am so excited to be writing again!! Woohooo!!


	26. Chapter 26

8888

 

Monday

8:30am

 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Bilbo. The last time they saw each other, Thorin was kicking Fili out of his own house…..or Fili was running out of his own house….I’m still not sure what happened but that’s besides the point. I do not think they should see each other again.” Kili said firmly, pacing back and forth in front of Bilbo’s desk.

 

Bilbo closed his eyes and sighed, “He needs closure, Kili. It’s the only way he will truly heal. He needs to know why Thorin did what he did. An Intervention----.”

 

“Is a bad idea.” Kili grumbled to himself, cutting Bilbo off.

 

“Is the only way for the both of them to get some closure. I know it’s hard for you to see, but this isn’t a one way street. Thorin is in pain too, and he too needs to heal. I will not see another family be split apart by stubbornness.” Bilbo said, standing up.

 

Kili looked up at him, “What do you mean, another family.”

 

Bilbo looked at him straight in the eye, “I don’t bring it up because I know it makes you upset, but I hate that you don’t speak with your father anymore. I see how much it hurts you, and even though you don’t think you need closure, I think---.”

 

“Keep my father out of this, Bilbo. He has nothing to do with Fili and I wont speak to him unless he speaks to me first.”

 

“Oh, save me from the stubbornness of young people. Kili, he’s you family--.”

 

“Can we get back to Fili, please?” Kili asked, feeling his chest start to tighten. He never allowed himself to think about his family, the family that had kicked him out because he decided to follow his own dreams instead of theirs.

 

“I’m going to have this intervention, I’ve been speaking with Dr. Bard, and Balin and they agree that this will be the best thing for Fili, and for Thorin. Once we are all on the same page, we can proceed with the surgery. I know it’s not the easiest path to take, but it’s the right one.” Bilbo said, nodding his head.

 

Kili sighed, there was no use arguing with him.

 

“When will it be?”

 

“Tomorrow morning, at 11:00. I invited Thorin already, he thinks he’s coming to have brunch with me.”

 

“How did you manage---.”

 

“I can speak to Fili about it, if you want me to. I can prep him for it.” Bilbo said, cutting him off.

 

Kili nodded, “When are you going to talk to him?”

 

“Right now.”

 

“Oh…can I come?” Kili asked

 

“Of course.”

 

“I think he’s in his room, come on.” Bilbo said, and then he lead the way from his office, up the small flight of stairs to the loft that was above his office. The door was open, and Bilbo poked his head in.

 

“Hello Fili. Kili and I are here, may we come in? I want to talk to you about something.” Bilbo said.

 

Fili smiled and nodded. He waved for them to come in. He was sitting on the bed, going through one of the open cardboard boxes.

 

“Fili, I’ve come to talk to you about something important.” Bilbo said, and signed at the same time as he sat down.

 

Fili nodded his head.

 

“Have you given any more thought about the restraining order against your father?” Bilbo asked

 

Fili paused, and then shrugged. He reached for the pen and notepad next to him and wrote:

 

“I haven’t decided yet. He’s my father, he’s all the family I have left.”

 

Bilbo nodded, “Of course, take your time. That’s what I came to speak to you about; I want you to speak to your father, just one more time before we assign the restraining order.” Bilbo said

 

Fili nodded his head, but his hand went up to touch the scar on his cheek—the one Thorin had put there.

 

“I think it would be fair to give him a chance to explain his actions, before we cut him out of your life forever.” Bilbo continued.

 

Fili nodded again, and then grabbed his notepad and wrote:

 

“He wasn’t like this before the accident, I want to know why he did what he did.”

 

Bilbo read the note, and nodded his head, “You deserve to know why, Fili. You deserve some closure before you move on.”

 

Fili nodded.

 

“I’ve arranged for your father to come by tomorrow morning at 10:30. He thinks we are having coffee, but it will actually be an intervention—an informal intervention. It’s to give Thorin a chance to explain to us what’s been going on. And if you decide then to precede with the restraining order, then we will.”

 

Fili nodded again. It was all settled.

 

Bilbo stood up and smiled, “Alright, I’ll leave you to unpacking. Kili, you can hang here for a few minutes but then I need you downstairs to help with inventory.

 

Kili smiled and then moved across the room next to Fili. He took his hand and smiled.

 

“Okay, I’ll be down soon.”

 

Kili waited until Bilbo’s steps retreated, and then he looked up at Fili.

 

“You okay?” he asked

 

Fili shrugged, and then made the sign for being overwhelmed.

 

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but it will be okay.” Kili said

 

Fili nodded and then leaned into Kili. He wrapped his arms around him and they embraced each other. Kili felt his heart beating faster—as it always did when he was around Fili.

 

He sighed, and prayed that tomorrow would go well.

 

888

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued....
> 
> I have the chapter written, I just thought I would break it up into a few chapters, because it's like 3000 words long. 
> 
> Next one should be up soon, by the end of the week.
> 
> Thanks so much for sticking with me! Love you all!


	27. Chapter 27

Tuesday

10:20am

 

“It’s time, Fili. Are you ready?” Kili asked

 

They had been sitting silently in Bilbo’s office, waiting for it to be 10:30, waiting for the intervention to begin.

Fili nodded silently and stood up.

 

Both of them started heading down the stairs, as Fili reached the landing he saw Thorin standing in the middle of the restaurant. He stopped dead in his tracks and tried to bolt back upstairs.

 

Kili caught him, “Hey, hey it’s okay. He’s just here to talk. He’s not going to hurt you. I promise. Everything will be okay.”

 

Fili shook his head, and made another attempt to get free of Kili’s grasp and dash up the stairs.

 

“Fili, stop. It will be okay. Look at me.” Kili tried, he could feel Fili shaking underneath his grasp and suddenly he felt like this was not a good idea at all.

 

He waited until Fili was looking up at him.

 

“It will be okay.” Kili said, slowly enough for Fili to read his lips.

 

Fili shook his head again, but this time clutched Kili’s shirt, and pulled him close to him.

 

“You can do this. You need to do this. It will all be okay. I promise.” Kili said.

 

He knew Bilbo had explained to Fili about closure, and that they were giving Thorin a chance to explain his actions and makes things right between them, he knew what was going to happen but he was still scared, and anxious about facing his father after all that happened.

 

“You have to be brave, Fili. Bilbo and I will be with you the entire time. And so will Ori, Tauri and Balin. We wont let him hurt you.” Kili said.

 

Fili nodded his head, and then made the sigh for “sorry”.

 

“It’s okay. You’ve already shown bravery beyond any measure. You can do this. I believe in you.” Kili said, and then gently kissed him on the cheek.

 

Fili grabbed his hand, and kissed him back. Then he straightened his shoulders and walked down the stairs

 

 

Kili followed Fili out to the middle of the restaurant where Bilbo, Ori, Tauri, Balin and Thorin were standing in the middle of a chair circle. When Bilbo saw them enter, he waved hello and then addressed the group.

 

“Hello everyone, thank you for coming. I am so grateful that you are all here. Let’s all stand in a cirle. Thorin, I want you next to me. Then next to him I want Ori, then Tauri, Balin, Fili, and Kili.”

 

He waited for them all to stand next to their designated chairs. Once they were settled, Bilbo pulled a stick out of his bag, took a deep breath and began.

 

“Welcome everyone. The reason I have brought you all here this morning is because two of our dear friends have been hurt by each other and tonight I would like to take the first steps to healing them. “

 

“This is a feelings stick, only the person---.”

 

Bilbo was interrupted by Thorin hurummphing and stepping out of the circle and towards the door.

 

“If I wanted sticks and talking about my feelings I would have stayed in rehab. This is ridiculous, I’m leaving.” He mumbled darkly to himself.

 

“No, Thorin wait. Just hear me out, okay. This is about Fili; do you still want him to call you father? Because he is _this_ close to filing a restraining order and erasing you from his life forever. Do you want that?” Bilbo asked

 

Thorin froze in his tracks, and then shook his head. He looked up at Fili.

 

“No. That’s the last thing I want.” He whispered.

 

“Then stay.”

 

Thorin nodded, and stepped back into the circle.

 

Bilbo turned back to the circle, “As I was saying, this is a feelings stick. Only the person holding it is permitted to speak, and the must speak the truth. No lying in the circle of truth, alright?”

 

Kili smiled at Bilbo’s stick, but nodded his head. He had obviously thought this out.

 

“I would like to give Thorin an opportunity to explain his actions over the past few months, because I believe that everyone gets a second chance and I also know that we all need to understand why he did what he did. Now, we are not here to judge or give a sentence. I called this circle meeting purely for Thorin to talk to us, and for us to hear his side of the story. All of us needs closure before we take the next step.”

 

Thorin started talking, but then stopped himself and motioned for the stick. Bilbo passed it to him with a smile.

 

“What is the next step? I was under the impression that my son wants nothing to do with me, that I am a failure.”

 

Bilbo motioned for the stick back, “You are not a failure. Tonight we will decide whether or not a restraining order is necessary. If it is, we will continue the process, if not we will discuss what are next steps are.”

 

Thorin nodded his head, but didn’t say anything else. He silently handed the stick back to Bilbo.

 

“Okay, so shall we begin? Let’s start by going around the circle and saying our name and why we are here. I’ll start; My name is Bilbo Baggins, and I am here to support Fili. Over these past few months I have come to love him as one of my own, and I have watched him going through a tremendous amount of pain and heartbreak. I am here because I want him to heal, and be happy again.” Bilbo finished, and the passed the stick to his right, to Kili.

 

Kili took it and turned to Fili so he could read his lips. “Hi. I’m Kili, and I am here because I love Fili. He’s my best friend, and my soul mate, and all I want is for him to smile again, and be relieved of this burden.”

 

He then passed the stick over to Fili, who took it shyly. He tucked it in his pocket as he pulled out a pen and pad of paper, and wrote. When he was done, he passed it for Kili to read to the group.

 

Kili took it and read; “Hi. I’m Fili. I need closure tonight. I need to know if I still have a father that will be in my life.”

 

Kili blinked tears out of his eyes, and then passed the stick on to Tauri.

 

“Hey everyone, I’m Tauri and I am here because I started off as just a tutor for Fili, and then as we got to know each other I realized what an amazing person he is. I am here because I am his friend and I want him to heal.”

 

Kili tuned out Balin and Ori as they talked, as he focused on Fili, who was standing up straight but had glassy eyes. How was he coping with this? Could he understand them all? Ori was typing everything that they said, so Fili could read the transcript later. Kili knew it must still be hard for him though, to be in the same room as the man who broke his trust, who made him question his own family.

Kili was brought back to the circle by Thorin clearing his throat, and twiddling the feather, he turned to Bilbo;

 

“I know what I want to say. Can I begin?” he asked

 

Bilbo nodded, and the motioned with his hand for Thorin to continue speaking.

 

“This past year had been hard on me, harder than anything that I’ve ever had to endure. I lost my wife, and now I am loosing my son. I came here today to try to explain my side of what’s been going on, to explain to you why I have done what I have done. I do agree with you, I have made many terrible mistakes but I must emphasis that I only did what I did with the best intentions.” Thorin started, and then paused again.

 

He took a deep breath, and then continued, “ I guess…..it all began with my father. He… even though he had the best intentions for me, now that I look back I do not think he was right. My mother left me when I was very young, and my father indulged in his grief by obsessing over the family business. He always told me in order to be successful; I had to do everything the right away. There was no room for mistakes and showing emotion was weakness. And when I made them, he would beat me, if I cried, he beat me. I learned at an early age that it is better to cover up my flaws than to fix them. I had no one to save me, no one to tell me that what he was doing was wrong. The pressure to be perfect was….immobilizing. But somehow I did it, somehow I was able to graduate from high school, and was accepted into MIT. That’s where I met Dee, Fili’s mother and everything began to change for me, for the better. For the first time in my life, I was able to feel loved, and safe. When we got married I was happy, but I was truly the happiest when I found out that I was going to have a son. A son I could raise with love, and hope and support. I wanted so badly not to give him the life my father gave me, that I think I lost sight of who Fili really was. I got so caught up in my success with Crowspace, with my ambitions to make a good life for my family that I forgot that they needed me. That’s why when I found out about the accident, that Dee was planning on leaving me I became so angry. I hated her for wanting to leave after I worked so hard to provide for her, but I hated myself even more for allowing her to drift away from me. I felt like I had lost everything. My own family was falling apart and I felt like there were sliding through my fingers like sand and I needed to do anything I could to keep Fili close to me. I still had my son. I wanted to give him the best life possible after the accident, after I found out that he would never hear again, I wanted to finally be a father to him. All I wanted was to provide for him. I wanted this so much that I was blind to his pain and suffering. When I found out that he had tried to take his own life I…..” Thorin faltered again, pressing his fingers to the lids of his eyes

 

“I…… I felt so powerless, like the world was spinning out of control and the only way I could stop it was if I had total control over Fili; over his studies, over his friends and his whole world. I was wrong It was wrong of me to take him away from his friends, and to shield him from the world. . It was wrong of me to keep that letter from him, it was selfish of me to want him to depend on me. It felt like it was the only way to keep him. In my delusional mind, all I wanted was to keep him safe so I wouldn’t loose him like I lost his mother, but I was pushing him further away instead of bringing him closer to me. I am so sorry for acting this way. I wish I could take it back, but I cant.”

 

Thorin paused for a breath, and the only sound was Ori typing furiously away on his computer.

 

“I want to make things right, and take responsibility for my actions. I still love Fili very much, and I still want to support him, and be his father. I will do whatever it takes, I’ll go to anger management, see a therapist and…. I know this won’t fix everything, but I will pay for the cochlear surgery. I will do my duty as a father. And I only ask for one thing in return, and that is to not file for a restraining order. Let me be with my son, let me make this up to him, please.”

 

Bilbo nodded, and then motioned for the talking stick. Thorin passed it over.

 

“I think that’s fair. You have a long way to go, Thorin. You have done a lot of damage, but I think it’s a very good start. Fili, do you agree? If your father covers the surgery, and agrees to see a therapist will you stay in contact with him?” Bilbo asked.

 

Fili paused, but the nodded his head.

 

Then Bilbo stood up, and motioned for the group to stand as well. They joined hands together and Bilbo looked around at each of them.

 

“ Thank you, Thorin for sharing. I know this wasn’t as easy meeting to come to, but some progress has been made. Let us continue to support Fili and Thorin on this journey of healing. This ends the circle tonight. Thank you all for coming.” Bilbo concluded.

 

Then Thorin stepped inside of the circle, towards Fili. He walked the few paces to him, and reached to embrace him. Fili flinched away from his touch, and stepped backwards out of the circle.

 

Kili couldn’t stand the look of pain in both their faces, he stepped towards Fili and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He pushed him gently back into the circle. Thorin took a couple of steps back, and then reached his hand out for a hand shake.

 

Fili timidly took it and they shook hands.

 

Thorin gave Fili a sad smile, “I’m sorry I hurt you, Fili. I didn’t mean to, and I am going to get help. I hope that we can stay in touch. I’m your father and that means I will always love you. I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me.”

 

Then Thorin, eyes glassy stepped away from his son and walked over to Bilbo, who patted his shoulder and handed him a handkerchief.

 

Fili looked from Kili, to his father, and then turned and ran up the stairs and out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! That was a hard one to write. I hoped you enjoyed it, please leave a comment letting me know :)
> 
> And....
> 
> What would you do with a pair cotton candy flavored handcuffs, Thorin Oakenshield’s left boot and some hot wax?


	28. Chapter 28

Kili sat in the back of Bilbo’s car, and smiled as a hand reached over and intertwined with his. He looked to his right and saw Fili sitting next to him, smiling shyly. Kili smiled back, and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

 

They were headed to the hospital for Fili’s cochlear implant surgery- a process that was way more complicated than Kili had originally thought. They had met with Fili’s audiologist—Dr. Bard—last week, and he had gone over the steps for the procedure.  The first step was the surgery—Fili would be put under general anesthesia and the surgeon would expose the mastoid bone behind the out ear and drill a small channel to the inner ear. Then, electrods would be threated and a received would be placed in the bone behind the ear.  After the surgery, they would wait four- six weeks for the ear to heal, and then they would go back to the hospital for the external pieces—a head piece, mircorphone and speech processor-- to be placed.  The audiologist would then use his computer to turn the speech processor on, and viola! Fili would be able to hear again.

 

Kili could tell that Fili was ready for the process to begin, and to turn over a new leaf. The past few weeks since the intervention had been uneventful and as long as no one brought up Thorin, Fili was fine.  Bilbo had since stopped trying to get Fili to open up about his father, after one disastrous evening where he had tried and Fili had had enough of it.  Thorin had kept his word, and had flown to Arizona to a rehab facility. He sent letters, but Fili had wanted nothing to do with them. Since then they had decided to let Fili decide when he wanted to talk about his father. Sometimes, if Fili was in the right mood, he would tell Kili about his mother but for the most part he stayed quiet about his family.

 

And finally, after what seemed like forever, Kili was able to take Fili on a proper date, one with no panic attacks, no sneaking around, no insane fathers, just a normal, perfect date. They had gone to the presidio, were Jaws was being projected on a big screen. They had sat on a blanket, and cuddled, and Fili said he liked movies like Jaws because you didn’t necessarily need sound to know what was happening.

 

When they arrived at the hospital, Bilbo hurried to the frornt dsk to check them in. Fili sat down in one of the waiting room chairs, looking pale.

 

Kili sat down next to him.

 

“Nervous?” Kili asked, and signed

 

Fili nodded and gave him a small smile.

“Everything is going to be okay.” Kii said, taking his hand

 

Fili smiled slightly, but he still looked nervous.

 

“It’ll be over before you know it, this is the hard part.” Bilbo said as he walked back over to them.

 

A few moments later, they were led down the hallway to a room. Fili changed and got into the bed. The nurse came in, and took his vitals. When she left, Kili took her spot next to the bed. They stared at each other, and then at the things around the room, which were very few.

 

When the nurses came to bring him to the opertating room, Fili clutched Kili’s hand, suddenly nervous.

 

“You’re going to be okay. It’ll be so quick.” Kili said

 

Bilbo walked over, “We are going to be here the entire time. And we will be here when you wake up. I promise.”

 

Fili nodded, and took his other hand to clutch Bilbo’s.

 

“You’ll be okay, lad.” Bilbo said gently.

 

Fili nodded, and then settled himself back into the bed. He nodded at them to indicate that he was okay and the nurses wheeled him out of the room.

 

 

“Do you think he will be okay, after this?” Kili asked Bilbo after they left.

 

Bilbo nodded, “He will be fine, Kili. I think things will become easier for him, after all this chaos is over. “

 

“What about Thorin?”

 

Bilbo sighed, “Thorin has done a lot of damage, it will take a long time for Fili to gain his trust again. Going to therapy was a good first step.”

 

Three days ago, Thorin had called to let them know that he was flying to Arizona to a bipolar disorder facility where he would participate in a six week program.

 

“Do you think he knows that today is the surgery?”

 

“Maybe. I doubt he will show though, so don’t worry.”

 

Kili nodded, “You’d have to be pretty messed up, to do what he did.”

 

Bilbo sighed, “He was in pain, Kili. People do things they don’t mean when they are mad, scared or stressed. He wasn’t thinking straight. He let things go out of control, and by the time he realized what was happening it was too late.”

 

Kili nodded, “It makes me think…….”

 

He paused for a moment, wondering if he should say what he wanted to say.

 

“Makes you think what?”

 

“That maybe….maybe I should call my dad. Make sure he knows that I’m alright.” Kili answered, staring at his knees.

 

Even though it had been a long time since Kili had seen or talked to him family, it still hurt him to think about how they ended things with him. He hardly ever allowed himself to think about his mother, or his home. It was just the way things were, and it had happened so long ago that Kili had come to terms with it.

 

Bilbo smiled, “I think that’s a great idea, Kili.”

 

“Do you think he’s still mad?” Kili asked

 

Bilbo shook his head, “Of course not. I think he regrets throwing his son out the door.”

 

Kili nodded, suddenly blinking back tears as he remembered that awful day, and the days to follow. If he hadn’t found Bilbo and the restaurant, he probably would still be homeless or worse.

 

“It was wrong of him, to do that. When I have kids I’m going to let them follow whatever dream that want to follow. I won’t care if they want to be doctors or….or circus clowns. As long as it makes them happy I’ll support them.” Kili said

 

Bilbo smiled, “I think that’s very wise, Kili. True happiness comes from the inside out, not the outside in.”

 

Just then, the doctor walked out into the waiting room in his scrubs. He walked over to them as both Bilbo and Kili stood up.

 

“Surgery was a success. He’s headed up to recovery now.  You can make an appointment to see his audiologist for 4-6 weeks out with the receptionist.”

 

Bilbo nodded, “Thank you very much, Doctor.”

 

He shook the doctor’s hand, and as the doctor walked back to wherever doctors go when they are finished Bilbo turned to Kili.

 

“Why don’t you go find him in recovery, while I make the appointment.” He said

 

Kili nodded his head, and then headed towards the elevator.

 

He found Fili’s room easy enough. He opened the door and stepped inside. Fili was sitting up in bed, he looked a little groggy but he was awake. He smiled when he saw Kili.

 

“Hey, Fili.” He said

 

Fili waved his hand.

 

Kili walked over to him, “How does it feel?”

 

Fili made the so-so motion with his hand.

 

“Does it hurt?” Kili asked, and Fili shrugged.

 

“I was worried, Bilbo and I were here the whole time.”

 

Fili smiled and took Kili’s hand. He kissed it.

 

Kili sat on the bed, and Fili scooted over so they could lay side by side. Fili kept hold of Kili’s hand and squeezed it tight.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Fili whispered into Kili’s ear, making his shiver.

 

Kili kissed him gently on the cheek, and then on the lips.

 

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! so sorry for the long wait between updates, I've been super busy with teaching and on top of everything else I caught whooping cough from one of the students. 
> 
> maybe all the drugs will give me inspiration to finish up the story!
> 
> love,
> 
> whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-psyche


	29. Chapter 29

 

4 weeks later

Kili once again found himself in the hospital, this time waiting with Bilbo and Fili in one of the patient rooms  for Dr. Bard—the audiologist—and his tech assistant. Today was the big day. Today was the day that Dr. Bard was going to activate Fili’s cochlear implants, and Fili would finally be able to hear again.

The last four weeks had been a crazy blur for Kili. Fall glasses at Golden Gate University had started for Kili, and with a little maneuvering and a lot of luck he was able to get into the same classes as Tauri.  Fili had re-enrolled for USF for the spring and was going to be attending on a full academic scholarship. He would not be needing support from his father to continue with his education. Thorin was to be released from his program, but he had opted to stay for another six weeks, which meant he would be missing the appointment. Kili could tell that Fili was relieved that he didn’t have to be with his father yet. Eventually they would have to, according to Bilbo they needed to mend their relationship, but Kili thought they both seemed better when they were apart.  During the first few weeks of his absent, Thorin had sent letters, the majority of them ended up in the trash (presumably thrown by Fili), but then Bilbo had found them and helped Fili write back.

Kili was brought back to the present by Bilbo tapping his knee.

“We finally made it, Kili.” He said

Kili smiled, “It’ll be a relief I think, for Fili. No more secrets from his father. He can finally get back to his life.”

“Speaking of secrets, maybe after this we can find out where you have been mysteriously disappearing off to after your shifts end.” Bilbo said, raising his eyebrows.

Kili laughed, “You’ll find out soon enough, Bilbo.”

“You and your mysterious, I’ll never understand it.” Bilbo answered, shaking his head.

Kili just smiled. In fact, this was the first time he had ever kept a secret from Bilbo. But it was a good secret. A great secret. And Kili couldn’t wait to reveal what he had been up to for the past four weeks.

Kili’s phone buzzed, and Kili looked down at it and saw a text message:

Ori: Good luck today, you are going to rock it!

Kili smiled. He was slightly sad that Ori couldn’t be there with them because he was sick with whooping cough. It was highly contagious, and they couldn’t risk getting Fili sick after surgery so Ori had kept mainly an online presence.  Ori had been highly involved in Kili’s secret activities though, and Kili could just feel his excitement oozing from the text message.

Both Kili and Bilbo jumped when the door opened and Dr. Bard walked inside. He smiled at the three of them.

“Hi, welcome!” He said, shaking each one of their hands.

“It’s good to see you all again. I’m excited to get this process started.” He continued, sitting down at the computer and logging himself in.

“So, this shouldn’t take more than a half an hour. I want to make sure the implants are working 100% before you go home though.”

Bilbo nodded his head, “Sounds fair to me.”

Dr. Bard then turned his attention to Fili, who looked up at him with a nervous expression on his face.

“Don’t worry, this isn’t going to hurt a bit. We’ll get started right after I explain how this is going to work.” Dr. Brad said, speaking calmly and slowly so Fili could understand.

Fili nodded his head.

“Alright. This is Christina, my audio tech. She is going to use these wires to connect the implant to the computer. We are going to start with the right ear, and then do the left. After the implant is connected, I am going to turn it on. You may hear some static at first, but then you should start to hear things more clearly. Don’t be alarmed if it is too loud, or if there is feedback. We will adjust it until you are comfortable. Then we’ll go on to the left ear.”

Fili nodded his head again. Kili noticed that Dr. Bard had excellent lips. Fili looked over to Kili, and then reached for his hand. Kili took it and smiled.

“You ready?” he asked

Fili nodded, looking back and forth from Kili to Dr. Bard.

Christina then stood up and connected the wires to the implant behind Fili’s ear. He smiled slightly as she moved his hair out of the way.

“You have great hair.” She said with a smile.

Fili blushed.

Once the wires were secure, Dr. Bard clicked open the program with his mouse.

“You ready?” he asked

Fili nodded his head.

Dr. Bard clicked, and Kili heard a faint beep. He looked at Fili, who’s mouth had opened in awe.

“It should be working now.” Dr. Bard said

Fili then smiled and nodded his head.

“It’s…..whoa. It’s working…..it’s loud.” He said shyly, face turning red, eyes looking from Kili to Bilbo to Dr. Bard.

Kili couldn’t stop smiling.

“That’s okay. We can adjust it. Is it my voice or your voice that is loud?” he asked

Fili paused for a moment, “My voice. It’s much louder than your voice.” He said.  He was smiling now too.

Dr. Bard made some adjustments, “How about now?”

“Yes…yes that’s better.” Fili said, his voice cracking with emotion. Dr. Bard quickly handed him a tissue box and he took one.

“It’s okay. I know it’s a big adjustment.” Dr. Bard said kindly as Fili dapped his eyes.

Fili looked up at Kili, “I can hear again.”

Kili nodded and took his other, “Yes you can! I’m so excited for you.”

Dr. Bard was smiling, “Alright, ready for the other ear? I want to make sure they are balanced.”

Fili nodded his head.

Again, Christina walked over and connected the left implant with the wires. She was smiling too, and her eyes were glassy. They all knew Fili’s case, and they all knew how much this meant to him, how hard he worked to get here.

Fili sniffed again, and let go of Kili’s hand just for a moment so he could dab his eyes again and then he retook it.

“Alright, I am activating it in three….two…..one. How does that sound?”

Fili nodded his head, “I….whoa…..no…it’s too loud. Like the other one. My voice.”

Dr. Bard nodded, “Okay, I’ve adjust them so they are even. How does it sound now?”

“It’s….umm…now this one is too quiet.” Fili said, pointing to his right ear and laughing a little.

“Okay how about now?”

Fili nodded his head, and then blew his nose.

“It’s perfect.”

He wiped his eyes with his hand and grabbed another tissue.

Dr. Bard smiled, “Alright. That was easy. Christina is going to disconnect the wires. Now that they are activated they should stay on until you decide to turn them off with this remote here. It’s a life time battery, but should you have any problems you can give me a call.”

He showed Fili the remote as Christina disconnected the wires, when she was done she sat back down.

“So Fili…” Bilbo started, and Fili looked at Bilbo with a smile.

“I may look like a hobbit munchkin, but do I sound like one?”

Fili’s smile widened, “I never expected you to be British.”

Bilbo laughed, “I am British, yes. It’s good to finally hear your voice.”

“It’s good to hear it too…..it’s changed. I’m going to have to get used to it.”

“That’s normal, Fili. If it still sounds weird in a few weeks call me and I can adjust it for you.” Dr. Bard chimed in.

Bilbo scooted up in the rollie chair he was sitting in closer to Fili and then he took his hand.

“Fili, I just wanted you to know that I am so proud of you. You have become like a second son to me and I am so happy you have come into all our lives. That you have come into Kili’s life. You have made him so happy.”

Kili tried not to cringe, because Bilbo was stealing his lines!

Bilbo sighed happily and patted Fili’s hand, “ All your troubles have now drifted under the bridge and now you are ready to set a new course for a new adventure.”

Fili nodded and sniffed. He used his free hand to grab a third tissue and blow his nose.

Kili all of a sudden felt the pressure starting to build. He had something to say to Fili, something very special and he wanted to say it before the moment passed. Kili took a deep breath, and then he stood up.

Fili swiveled in his chair so he was looking at Kili.

Kili took both of his hands, and then started to talk before his nerves ran out and he started to cry too.

“Fili, I have loved you since the moment I saw you. I admire your spirit, and your passions. And even though things were rough for a while you pulled through, and I am so proud of you. I love you , Fili, . I don’t think I could go another minute without you, so…..”

Kili kneeled down on one knee and pulled a box from his jacket. He opened it up and revealed inside a gold wedding band. A band that he and Balin and Ori spend hours picking out ub the jewelry store, a band that he used his savings to purchase, a band that represented Kili’s love and dedication for Fili.

 

“Fili, will you marry me?”

Fili smiled, and then he laughed. He pulled Kili up to standing, now there were tears in both of their eyes.

“Yes. Yes. I will marry you.” He said, his breath hitching.

With trembling hands Kili put the ring on Fili’s finger. They smiled at each other, and then kissed. They kissed for a long time, only being brought back to the present when they heard sniffing.

Kili looked up and saw that Dr. Bard, Christina and Bilbo were all crying.

“I had no idea! I should have known! Kili, you trickster.” Bilbo said through his sobs

Christina started clapping, and then Dr. Bard joined in.

Kili looked at Fili, he touched his shoulders, his neck and then his face. This couldn’t have been a more perfect moment.

888

The wind whipped Kili’s short hair back and forth, and Kili fought to maintain the chaotic curls. He pulled on his sunglasses and then stared at the man he loved taking pictures of the bay. They were standing in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge, Fili was photographing Alcatraz. The wind was pulling his hair from his bun, and the strands were falling across his face. He turned away from the back and looked at Kili, eyes bright and clear. Kili wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. He tenderly tucked the blonde hair back behind his ears, his golden ring glinting in the sunlight. Here they were, the same place where they started, yet they had come so far. Now Fili wasn’t afraid of the bridge anymore, now they could walk hand in hand up and down the orange bridge. For the first time in a long time he couldn’t be happier than this.

“Hey, guess what?” Kili asked, beaming up at Fili.

“What?”

“I love you.

Fili smiled his charming smile

“I love you too.

888

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. What a crazy journey this had been. Thank you, thank you, thank you all for the support, I love every single one of you. I actually got a little misty eyed typing out the last few sentences. I'm going to miss Fili Durin and Killian Oakenshield. I am very excited to write my next story though, the plot bunnies are already turning and ready to delve back into Middle Earth! If you are in the mood for more Fili angst, check out my other completed story here on AO3 titled Sitting Tall.
> 
> Thank you again! As always, please reach out to me on here in the comments or on tumblr, and stay tuned for more!
> 
> Love,  
> Songsofpsyche

**Author's Note:**

> Please follow me on tumblr: songsofpsyche13 (it's currently being bombarded by wedding pictures, but eventually it will go back to being a sneak peaks/drawings/hobbit posts/Dean O'Gorman/Aidan Turner blog). Check it out and feel free to follow :)


End file.
